Nearly FMLs

By "Greenskye" - 14/10/2017 12:32 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, whilst having a morning wank, my landlord unlocked the door and walked in with potential buyers only to find me with my headphones on, tablet in one hand and my rock hard dick in the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 18

By HylianBadger - 14/10/2017 00:01 - United States

Today, my husband and I were flashing each other our genitals as a kind of foreplay we usually do when we're feeling horny. We forgot that his cousin was staying the night until he walked in the living room while this was happening. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 55

By Eelowyn - 13/10/2017 18:39 - Canada - Fort Mcmurray

Today I had a health inspector come in to get my LAZY landlords to do something about the problems ive begging then to fix for months. They failed the inspection and was told to fix it or give me back ny damage deposit. their solution? Illegal 24 hour eviction notice! FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 4

By TooOldToBeThisDumb - 14/10/2017 00:23

Today, I realized that the healthcare forms I filled out only cover physical and mental health. Not dental or vision. I'm pretty sure I have a cavity and my current glasses that I've had for about three years annoy the bridge of my nose almost every time I use them. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 14

By Littlestack - 13/10/2017 22:48

Today I went over to see my boyfriend. All we did was lay side by side like as we spoke about his upcoming trip. Only to hear his little brother yell from outside his door "Hey did you just smash!?" & as a a joke he responded "You know I did man!" His mother was outside the door too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 12

By KMAC - 13/10/2017 16:04 - Canada

Today a 50 year old woman thought we were the same age....I'm 30. Cheers to looking 20 years older than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 3

By grabbed-me-by-the-p**sy - 13/10/2017 20:15

Today, is the third day in a row I have woken up from a dream where I was being groped by the president. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 7

By PhoenixChick - 13/10/2017 20:00

Today, my husband of ten years called me a greedy, money-hungry gold digger for asking why I wasn't listed on his life insurance policy. We were at our financial advisor's office. He had just asked them what he could do to make sure I'm taken care of in case of the worst. He now refuses to discuss it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 543

You deserved it 282

By Anonymous - 13/10/2017 19:51

Today, I told my dad about a super cool motorcycle show I am taking my girlfriend to. Today is also the day I apparently go for a double date. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 37

By Anonymous - 13/10/2017 18:45 - United Kingdom - London

Today I received a call from the company I work for asking why I wasn't at a shift last night. Apparently my manager forgot to inform me of this shift when talking to me 2 days ago. I'm working at the same pub tonight and the General Manager isn't happy... FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 7

By Sara - 13/10/2017 13:44 - United States - Cumberland

Working as a waitress, a lady with kids came in, held up a $20, and told me that if I took did a good job, she would tip me. I waited on them hand and foot. When leaving, she smiled and said "It's on the table" Walked to table, no cash,there's a note: "Here's your tip..don't be so gullible lol!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 12

By Daisy - 14/10/2017 04:20 - Australia - Sydney

Today I jumped out of my car and ran to help a man whose car flew into a tree at high speed. His fingers were covered in Nutella. Turns out he was stoned and stole the car from his ex. He walks away without a scratch. I fractured my rib stopping my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 8

By FudgeNuggets - 13/10/2017 11:34 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, some dirtbag slimeball stole the engagement ring my boyfriend had been making for me. I hope it turns their finger green. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 5

By anonymous - 14/10/2017 00:06 - Australia - Sheldon

Today I tried to re-ignite my love life, only for my girlfriend to say no because she had wet nail polish. I had asked her to keep tonight free for date night before I leave for a week for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 7

By unlucky gal - 13/10/2017 13:00

Today, I was officially uninvited to a party happening this weekend. I just bought a new outfit for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 669

You deserved it 490

By Eelowyn - 13/10/2017 03:18 - Canada - Edmonton

Today had to call in a health inspector since landlord refused to fix the electrical and other issues for months, inspector said it didnt even meet the minimum standard for habitable and contact the landlord. His solution to being asked to do work? 24 hour eviction notice based on lies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 3

By Hope - 13/10/2017 04:29

Today, my soon to be father-in-law parked his car on my foot. Not 30 minutes later, my fiancée stood on the same foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 4

By Please take me back - 13/10/2017 04:19

Today marks the 6th month I've been working at my new Japanese company in Tokyo. I got a phone call from an ex coworker of mine, who I like really much. She asked me what I was missing the most from my previous job. After a short pause, I answered "laughing at work" and I bursted into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 7

By gums - 13/10/2017 01:12

Today, I found out what it's like to have the stomach flu while recovering from having teeth removed. I dry-heaved the entire night and could feel the pressure building up in my gums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 3

By WellThatSucked - 12/10/2017 14:30 - Canada - Moose Jaw

Today I got fired for "not being as passionate about work as I used to be." Kind of hard to be passionate about a job when I didn't get my overtime pay, was told my hours, wage, or both would be cut if I pushed the issue, and could only take one day off a month among other things two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 4

By Brokenman - 12/10/2017 20:38

Today, my wife was crying and mad at me for me explaining to her why we had no money. We are paycheck to paycheck (student loans/daycare) and she insisted on booking an expensive vacation back in May. Now we need to pay the balance and cannot. Simple math, but it's still my fault. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 4

By Lonely Belgian - 12/10/2017 20:05

Today, my friend of 7 years and girlfriend for 2 of those, out of nowhere went on a three day booze bender, didn't speak to me once during it, then broke up with me right before a 12 hour work day. Work sucked.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 3

By Screwed - 12/10/2017 19:59

Today, found out that I'm paying an extra money on car payment for engine coverage, doesn't cover a rod that poked a hole in the engine. Now we are being suggested to let the bank repo the car and get a new one.FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 12/10/2017 14:48

Today my managers told us that corporate wants no social media reference that they haven't approved posted, and even listing where I work could get me terminated. Here's to going through ten years of post to purge the company name and logo. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 12

By slimy ears - 12/10/2017 08:24 - Australia

Today, I discovered why my earbud headphones keep falling out. Apparently, since a recent ear infection, my earwax has become incredibly slimy, nearly liquid, and the earbuds simply slide out. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 12/10/2017 13:25 - Netherlands

Today I found out my husband was fired because he hasn't shown up for work in a while. I had no idea because he left the house like he always does. Now we can't afford our house without his income. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 3

By "Omar Khalaf" - 12/10/2017 09:09

Today, I was on the toilet when my 6 year old daughter came in and asked why I was using so much toilet paper. I have OCD and have to use 8 pieces to wipe (don't judge me) but I was feeling funny "I have a big bum" and her reply was "yes but I think you should use 100 pieces cus it's so big". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 11

By Horror_girl - 12/10/2017 08:51

Today my mom told me I will never understand how hard my brother's life is and how much worse he has it than me. This was because he punched a wall as a dare and now needs a minor operation on his hand. I'm on my fourth bout of genetic cancer, and none of my family even care FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 3

By Stained - 12/10/2017 03:58

I got my period. 2 weeks early. In a whole school assembly. I thought it would be fine- afterwards I would just slink away. And they called my name to accept a PARTICIPATION AWARD. My friend thought there was nothing on my butt. There was. And everyone saw, including my crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 5

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The Top

Today, and since I went to a club with a few friends for the first time two days ago, I now have tinnitus, which still persists and I'm worried it might be permanent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 262

Today, I've been wondering if it's a red flag for an almost 40 year-old dude to have never been in a serious relationship. Is it? FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 229

Today, I'm afraid to show my face in church ever again after I farted too hard and shit myself there this past Sunday. I'm the priest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 057

You deserved it 519

Today, I got fired from my position as a financial investor for giving a client the exact investment he asked for, even though the investment was out of my mandate, and I had gone to my direct manager to authorize the investment. My manager was promoted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 353

You deserved it 184

Today, at work a woman came up to the check out counter and when I greeted her she said "oh honey, you are so beautiful!" I immediately smiled and thanked her, then she looked at me and said "oh, not you." and then pointed to her ear. She was on her bluetooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 952

You deserved it 6 757

Today, after 20 loving years together, my husband had a “change of heart” and decided to leave me for his 26 year-old employee. He’s 64. I can’t get him fired because he’s the owner of the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 181