Nearly FMLs

By like a sexy meat thermometer - 19/10/2017 19:48

Today, during sex, my boyfriend told me "it's so sexy when you get horny and your asshole pops out." Uh, great honey, thanks, but that's a hemorrhoid. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 5

By ShatteredHopes - 19/10/2017 12:06 - United States - Houston

Today I took my phone out of the otter box so i could clean it so I could upgrade. It was the first time in 2 years I took it out. I laid it on the table and my son picked it up to pretend to call someone and dropped it. I was completely shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 6

By heartbrokencatlover - 19/10/2017 18:30

Today, my beloved cats have been helping me through my depression for years as one of the few things that make me truly happy. I just found out I'm allergic to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 4

By "brizzie182" - 19/10/2017 10:45 - United States - King Of Prussia

Today..I'm in a play and one of the co-leads quit. The play is in one week. My teacher just told me I have the part now and have to learn the lines by tomorrow..FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 10

By 10051998 - 19/10/2017 09:32 - United States - Amherst

Today, my boyfriend pulled my tampon out for me. It has been jammed up horizontally inside my vagina because we had sex and I forgot I had one in. He had the longest fingers out of the two of us so he was the one to rescue it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 71

By "TakenByMusic444" - 19/10/2017 15:30

Today, I met up with a girl I been talking to for awhile. she asked to borrow $20 to go to the store. she never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 48

By "TakenByMusic444" - 19/10/2017 09:29 - United States - Center Conway

Today, I finally got a message from a girl on a dating site only to be told that I'm too young to be here and I should be in school instead of lying about my age and trying to date so young. I have a baby face. I'm 22 years old and graduated high school 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 19/10/2017 13:53

Today, i discovered that my room mate doesn't wash his hands with soap after peeing, arguing that soap is bad for your skin. When i said there are plenty of organic, ecological, all-natural, and even beneficial, soaps out there he simply rolled his eyes and went into his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 8

By "Carl'sRightEye" - 19/10/2017 03:57 - United States - Statesville

Today, I had a blood sugar crash at work. I threw up everywhere. Not only was I mortified, no one stopped to help. I had to call my dad into the employee only area so he could get me some sugar and bring me home... FML.

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 3

By "PotatoGirl19" - 19/10/2017 07:48

my boyfriend and I were wrestling in bed when I jumped on top of him while he was laying down. He thought it would be funny to thrust me up to get some air but somehow he launched me sideways off our bed.. I fell backwards hitting a desk chair. I hit my head and killed my funny bone.

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 5

By "Michael Nicholas" - 19/10/2017 05:14

Today while preparing my snack pot I turned the kettle on to boil the water, I returned 5 minutes later and proceeded to fill the snack, turns out a Co worker had used the hot water and replaced it without boiling it. I work 14 hrs and it was my only food of the day.

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 5

By prego - 19/10/2017 05:06

Today I'm 38 weeks pregnant and waddling everywhere. I was told to 'just pretend I'm skinny and get over it'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

By Welp - 18/10/2017 20:33 - United States - Chicago

Today, while exercising with a personal trainer, I was told to "tighten my core". I was already doing that. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 19/10/2017 03:27

Today my bf was playing video games, when the internet went out I said “you can come play with me instead” his reply “no thanks I’ll pass...” I guess it’s time to find a new bf...

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 12

By twoleftfeet - 19/10/2017 00:35

Today, I got called "the day-drinking problem with today's society" by a passerby cause I'd stumbled across a significant bit of the sidewalk. I figured it would be better to accept it than admit that I had actually tripped over my own feet and failed to regain balance as I'm clumsy AF. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 9

By strikeone - 18/10/2017 22:24

Today, I came to understand that my co-worker is heartless. After commenting on her lack of effort on a project, she snorted and went back to Facebook. It wasn't until I turned the project in that she went to our boss and told her I had "took over" the project. Yes, I was written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 8

By RobzterG - 18/10/2017 21:55 - Norway - Kristiansand

Today, i found out i have unkowingly been paying for the wrong buss card for the past 3 months through ticket controll, they took my card and i have to pay 90 bucks to get it back tomorrow FML.

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 18/10/2017 21:33

Today, My roommate had an existential crisis during his philosophy class. His class was discussing life plans and he is freaking out that he might not have made the right choice on his major so he is sitting in the dark living room eating ramen and mumbling to himself...FML.

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 7

By "Bx_Alfie10" - 18/10/2017 21:05

Today I wake up ready to head into New York City on an hour train ride, only to find out that my phone which I left charging all night is dead because my dad fixed a light switch and had to cut all the power. Here's to my hour of silence and boredom... FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 19

By "knowerofnothing" - 18/10/2017 19:46

Today, I logged in to facebook after being away for some time. And the first post i saw was a funeral picture, of my grandfather. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 9

By Jobless - 18/10/2017 10:37 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my first day back to work after maternity, I find out I am being let go. Why does the company not have enough work for me?.. the replacement I found for my maternity leave will be keeping my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 10

By EngagedandBroke - 18/10/2017 13:07 - United States

Today, after finally scraping together the money to get a marriage license, my fiancée developed a rash and had to use the money for medical care. It's strep. Now I need to scrape together the money again and I might have strep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 9

By Ms_Lecturer - 18/10/2017 06:33 - United States - Port Orchard

Today, whilst lecturing to my students. Two of my students got into a heated debate and almost came to blows..over what you ask? Dairy products. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 7

By Ducky - 17/10/2017 17:54 - United States - Eugene

Today my boyfriend of 3.5 years is finally home. I texted him 2 days ago that he needed to come home and help take care of his dying mother who we now live with. I was sobbing, covered in her shit, and he hadn't been home for 6 days already working out of town. He went to a concert last night.

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 7

By deep dreamer - 17/10/2017 11:31 - United States - Port Orchard

Today I woke up from a deep dream where I was sweating and drowning in water from the neck down. After getting undressed to go to the bathroom I realized my dream was reality and the water was blood. I started my period. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 10

By "MallowMistress" - 17/10/2017 19:57

Today, I was so exhausted I slipped in the shower while standing perfecting still. I injured both elbows, my back, and my foot. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 9

By J Hart - 17/10/2017 16:26

Today I just got back from my bachelor party. Went out of town for a long weekend with the boys, checked into the hotel and went out to dinner the first night, ended up in the hospital with severe pancreatitis the next day, where I spent the rest of my long weekend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 6

By LonelyAgain - 17/10/2017 07:20 - United States - Bellingham

Today my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. We were planning to get married and adopt kids. This came with no warning but when he broke up with me, he said our relationship was horrendous and cited my mental health as the cause of many issues he was having.

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 7

By JMJ78 - 17/10/2017 16:12

Today, So my (now ex) husband's, cousin needed a place to live while she studied. He invited her to stay with us. Never mind the 20 year age gap, I figured that being relatives it'd be ok. Well, to my surprise he ended up sleeping with her, in our house, two rooms away from our son's bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 8

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I accidentally locked my car and house keys along with my phone in my car. Then I had to break into my own house looking for the spare. Someone called the police and I had to explain that I lived there. I forgot to grab the spare when I went to talk to the police officers I locked the door behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 159

You deserved it 9 769

Today, I was asked out by a guy I've liked since the beginning of the year. All I could say was, "I have to pee", and ran into the men's bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 448

You deserved it 17 692

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 084

You deserved it 3 684

Today, a customer wanted a military discount for buying two 39 cent Slim Jims. I work at an auto parts store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 566

You deserved it 3 744

Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 315

You deserved it 5 029

Today, the novelty of shaving a heart into my pubic hair for my wife vanished, when I woke up to find a collection of scabs around my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 374

You deserved it 15 755