Nearly FMLs

By Ugly_Jones - 22/10/2017 19:03

Today, my girlfriend and I slept in the same bed for the first time and that morning I woke up with her spooning me and my shorts were wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 12

By TCRII - 22/10/2017 09:18 - United States - Springfield

Today, I lost my wallet and all of my cash in a giant pile of horse poo as I was helping my wife clean out stalls for the horses and goat from my last FML. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 13

By SMK - 22/10/2017 12:07

Today I had a romantic engagement celebration. My boyfriend and I decided to stay at his parents house as it was the closest to the vineyard. I have been having explosive diarrhea the entire night and I can hear his parents through the wall cursing me out. No one has bothered to check on me once FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 10

By somehownotfired - 22/10/2017 04:38

Today, I was sick, had to get ready for work in 20 minutes, and had laundry in the dryer. My mom was nice enough to bring me my laundry, and I promptly fell asleep against a dryer-warm blanket. I woke up about halfway through my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 12

By notamom - 21/10/2017 17:42 - United States - Houston

Today, I was asked if the running back who scored a touchdown at a high school football game was my son. He’s not, he’s my 17 year old brother. I’m only 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 4

By JEvaneer - 21/10/2017 14:16 - United States - Phoenix

Today at the fair, I went on the swings ride, thinking it was over I unlatched it jumped out and fell about 10 feet than the ride came to a full stop and everyone was staring at me, I bruised my arms and cut my knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 55

By Anonymous - 21/10/2017 22:12 - United Kingdom - Kidderminster

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. Not only did their dog hump my leg non-stop, but it also pissed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 21/10/2017 15:00 - United Kingdom - Kidderminster

Today, I was babysitting 6 year old twins. One of them kicked me in the knee, so I put her in time out. She came back, sat on my knee and shat on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 6

By cenyui - 21/10/2017 04:42

Today my brother and his girlfriend they invited both families for a dinner and introduced each other. That was when I realized his girlfriend is the daughter of my professor. The professor that I liked and had sex with before. It was so awkward pretending I didn't know him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 41

By Anonymous - 20/10/2017 21:26 - United States - Lake Hiawatha

Today, my friend asked me how I did on my physics exam. I asked "What exam?". I missed an exam that counted for half of my grade for the semester! FML.

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 61

By That Damn Adele Song - 21/10/2017 02:36

Today, I had an incredibly annoying song stuck in my head, so I turned on the radio to drown it out. Guess which song came on next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 7

By Butthurt - 21/10/2017 02:23

Today, here I am, meant to be spending precious real life moments with my long distance boyfriend, when in reality I’m sitting in the hotel bathroom being violently sick from both ends as he texts me from the bed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 4

By Deceased - 21/10/2017 02:08

Today I was hanging out with a group of friends including a girl I have a major crush on. We found a tree that had an oddly vagina-shaped hole in it, I pointed it out and joked about doing it with the tree and the girl just randomly said "I would never fuck you, I'd kill myself first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 47

By Anonymous - 21/10/2017 01:30

Today, my pneumonia came back, so I called the health hotline for advice. They transferred me to the emergency department, who sent an ambulance. The paramedics asked, "Why call an ambulance?" and then told me it was an overreaction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 944

You deserved it 242

By rollercoasterlife - 20/10/2017 23:46

Today I called my mom to let her know my boyfriend dumped me and she responds with telling me her and my dad are getting a divorce... FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 20/10/2017 22:42

Today, my grandmother disowned me. Why? Because I didn't respond to her text message when my phone was broken. She knew this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 20/10/2017 20:32

Today my girlfriend dumped me over text. Literally 30 seconds afterwards my friend texted me freaking out because her crush asked her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 6

By Thcln - 20/10/2017 19:16

Today while I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, he suddenly told me to stop because he was afraid that I might bite off his dick. I recently discovered that I suffer from epilepsy. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 7

By "crb0109" - 20/10/2017 11:09 - United States - Warrensburg

I got to the checkout line when I realized I lost my debit card, I called my BF and asked if he had it, he said no. While frantically searching my car for it he called back and said he did. So I went to grab it. After I got my card from him I realized I left my wallet in the cart at the store.

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 23

By Josh - 20/10/2017 21:45 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my dad asked me if I could lend him my phone cus he was gonna take a shit. At first, I refused but he took it anyway. 15 minutes later, I realise he probably searched up some porn cus my history was cleared. Worst of all, I'm still a minor, and this all happened in a public bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 20/10/2017 19:20 - Australia - Heathridge

Today, I was in my car with my new vibrator, when I realised I am one of those public masturbaters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 69

By R2A8 - 20/10/2017 09:42 - Kenya - Nairobi

Today, I was finally able to open up to my boyfriend about something he does that displeases me. He totally misinterpreted the situation and even after multiple attempts of apologising he was still upset with me. So much for being open with each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 6

Lost my love and Lost myself

By InexperiencedYoungling - 19/10/2017 21:25 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, my long distance girlfriend broke up with me, on our anniversary, after I flew across the country to see her, a trip she asked me to take. I've lost my money, lost my time, lost my love, and lost myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 7

By Horror_girl - 20/10/2017 03:21

Today my mom changed her mind for the 4th time over which wedding present she wanted from me. I can't get refunds on the other 3 gifts that I already bought, and after buying the 4th gift...... she changed her mind AGAIN a few hours later FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 26

By NekoKitty - 20/10/2017 02:55

Today I had a gun pointed at my face when my store got robbed. Now I need to choose between my safety and my paycheck. I have a sick husband and a young child. I need the money, but. Just the idea of being in the store alone again terrifies me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 3

By Nope - 19/10/2017 23:49 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I had a commitment with my ex where I agreed to pretend we were still together to our mutual friends to avoid drama. We shared a tent and when I woke up, sticky he told me he had masturbated and cum on my back while I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 15

By MJ66 - 19/10/2017 23:35

Today I realized my boyfriend of 3 years has used 300$ of my financial aid refund to pay for his Xbox games in less than two weeks. We have been arguing due to his excessive gaming. Not only do we barely have a relationship, apparently I've been funding the problem.

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 10

By "wolfssb135" - 19/10/2017 23:23

Today, during my checkup, I gained an erection just as the doctor pulled my pants down. The doctor winked at me and slipped me my prescription with a note saying, "Call me once the stick's fixed." I came because I caught a cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 7

By DiamondMagicLove - 19/10/2017 14:25 - United States - Pike Ntl Forest

Today, my teacher gave us a pop quiz. No big deal, I aced it. But my teacher mixed up the names of the tests and gave me a zero, leaving me with an angry mother and a C. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 6

By "BlueArtCheyenne" - 19/10/2017 20:37

I was having a bad day and so my boyfriend was trying to cheer me up by complimenting me and he sent me a text saying "And I love your big brown eyes." I have blue eyes.

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 6

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 028

You deserved it 6 000

Today, while my boyfriend was fingering me, he accidentally pulled out my NuvaRing, he then licked it off and placed it back inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 889

You deserved it 544

Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 281

You deserved it 11 850

Today, my hippy nutjob of a roommate threw a bitch fit at me, all because he saw me chopping down a tree in Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 444

You deserved it 5 094

Today, my husband sweetly asked me, "You know what I'd really like to do if I had an extra $4,000?" Expecting a romantic answer, I asked what. He said, "I'd get you a tummy tuck." He still can't figure out what he said wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 955

You deserved it 4 999

Today, we had two of our longest serving coworkers retire at the company I work at, and they hired two young prospects to replace them. The problem? They asked me to train them both for the next 4 months, cancelling my PTO in the process, and then I learned they were being paid nearly 20% more than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 102