Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 18/03/2018 17:42

Today, my mom tried to ground me. She also tried to take away my laptop that I paid for by myself because "it's her internet it uses" I pay for the internet every month to help her with bills.. When I pointed that out she proceeded to yell at me more. I'm now grounded longer and have no laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 15

By NotJewishEnough? - 18/03/2018 15:29

Today, I met the father of an Orthodox Jewish girl I attempted to date several years back. She told me it would not work out because even though I'm Jewish, I wasn't religious enough since I'm not Orthodox. Her dad told me the guy she married a few years later is not even Jewish. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 4

By Riri - 18/03/2018 13:14 - Thailand - Bangkok

Today, I was on the subway and a girl wearing a duck costume (for a school play maybe?) came up to me and (somehow) gulped down my phone with her giant 'beak', So I had to shove my hand down her 'beak' to get it back, and what happened next was her mom screaming "child molester" at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 18/03/2018 06:59

Today, I found out that I'm 13 weeks pregnant. My ex and I are not on speaking terms. He left because I wanted him to get a job and he said that I was holding him back. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 18/03/2018 06:34

Today, at my job at Dairy Queen, a lady asked for a blizzard made with chocolate. I made it for her, and after tasting it, she shrieked at me and informed me that I must have put vanilla ice cream in it. Instead of arguing, I took it back and remade it the EXACT same way, to which she had no complaint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 6

By Brianna Hartmann - 17/03/2018 16:49 - United States - Osceola

Today, I found out this guy I’ve been seeing and sleeping with for the last 5 months had a girlfriend the entire time. Their anniversary was yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 11

By Nonono - 17/03/2018 07:17

Today, I found out through a close friend that the guy I've been having a secret 'thing' with for the past 3 months never actually broke up with his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 16

By Ally - 17/03/2018 07:14

Today, I knocked on my parents door to grab my mess I had left in there earlier that morning. All they had to say was "Wait a second", but instead they told me I could come in and I then saw their spiked sex toys spread out on the night stand right next to my pill container. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 10

By InvisibleDisability - 16/03/2018 23:09 - United States

Today, I sat down in the priority senior/disabled section of the bus with my cart of groceries. An older man angrily chewed me out saying I was too young to sit there. I'm in my 20's and in physical therapy for bad muscle strain. And I wasn't keeping him or anyone from having a seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 11

By makattack - 17/03/2018 03:51

Tonight, is the first night of my marriage. Everything was going amazing until my new husband picked his nose and then without hesitation ate it. Can that be grounds for an annulment? FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 16

By helpme - 16/03/2018 22:38 - United States - Warminster

Today, I had frequent diarrhea for the fifth day in a row. I’ve hardly eaten anything, but it shows no signs of stopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 3

By NotGay - 17/03/2018 00:23

Today, I thought I was home alone, so I started to watch music videos on YouTube. I'm a huge Gorillaz fan, so I watched Spirited House. For those who haven't seen it, there's a scene where a dude flies around naked. Just then, my sister walks in and sees it. She told mom and dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 11

By somuchforgrandkids - 16/03/2018 23:42

Today, my daughter was diagnosed as infertile. Her response? A sigh of relief followed by "Thank God." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 30

By Fakeassbitch - 16/03/2018 21:28

Today, I had diarrhea and stayed home from school. A few minutes after classes were over, a friend texted me saying my English teacher was accusing me of pretending in front of the whole class. It is the first day I miss since September, and she never says anything when other students are sick. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 3

By "TheLostCauseFML" - 16/03/2018 15:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me and I must have been too excited because I accidentally let one rip right in his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 7

By "George Straub" - 16/03/2018 13:26

Today, I had to go to my local safety council for some training. I show up at 7:00AM like my job asked. And they then claim my company never registered me for the courses I needed to take with them. I wouldn't be irritated if my company hadn't kept me out till 2 AM last night on a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 5

By sadday - 16/03/2018 12:17

Today, I received a letter in the mail stating it was time for my cats yearly checkup. This letter came from the same vet that euthanized her not even a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 7

By swafii - 16/03/2018 06:04

Today, I'm so far in the friend zone with the girl I'm in love with that I've seen her naked everyday for almost a year and not once had sex with her. She told me tonight that she plans on " fucking my brother's brains out, all night long". My brother is 18 I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 35

By Anonymous - 16/03/2018 04:03

Today, I discovered that my husband's recent increase in video game purchases matches the recent salary increase I received due to a promotion. Before taxes. I can't convince him to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 16/03/2018 03:11

Today, my Best friend walked in on me fucking her older brother. I forgot I gave her a key. And have been hiding this affair for 5 years (he is Married). Needless to say I highly doubt that we are going to be friends anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 222

By "notsogracious" - 16/03/2018 00:48

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to wear a condom during sex. His reason? so he won't catch my cold... FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 24

By Anonymous - 15/03/2018 19:10

Today, while visiting my dad for spring break, I took a big gulp out of the jug of orange juice in the fridge. It was spiked with vodka. I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 14

By Xp2500 - 15/03/2018 17:41 - United Kingdom - Croydon

Today, I received my replacement tablet screen in the post to replace my cracked one. I fitted it to test it before glueing it down and cracked the screen pressing it into place lightly. £130.99 down now and in the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 26

By "Sarah Bassett" - 15/03/2018 18:37

Today, I found out due to short staffing at work my maternity leave is being cut short. I'm leaving my month old girl to make $100 a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 14

By BubblyBubble - 15/03/2018 13:15

Today, I lost my scholarship because of a classmate of mine, she was making a lot of noise so the teacher decided to give us all 2 demerits, I already have two demerits because of my classmates, so this being added to the record hurt my grades enough to get my scholarship removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 10

By f4IIIIs - 15/03/2018 00:42 - United States - Portland

Today, I tried to access my Netflix account for the first time in months, only to find out that my sister changed the password. She knows I pay half of the bill, but she didn't even bother to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 13

By Anonymous - 14/03/2018 20:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend is in the hospital and the first thing he tells me is a girl nurse had to bathe him... He was way too happy about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 8

By Smilf - 14/03/2018 16:15

Today, my co-worker came into the office saying "ha I just got my court date and it's before yours". Congrats, I'm glad you can soon marry your fiance who lives in another country and you met less than a year ago. That is better than getting custody of my stepson who lives in an abusive house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I was snorkeling when a stingray suddenly appeared when I thought I was just looking at sand. It startled me, so my heel made contact with a sea urchin so that then startled me, and my other foot hit another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 437

You deserved it 2 310

Today, my wife is pregnant and sick. She switches from sobbing she's sorry for that, to blaming me for "doing this to me." On top of that, I have half her symptoms now: throwing up and crying for no reason. This will be a long 9 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 754

You deserved it 5 086

A great power implies great responsibilities

I agree, your life sucks 2 811

You deserved it 2 759

Today, I found out that my boss would rather give grant money back than give it to any of his employees as any sort of bonus for working through the pandemic. Two of us have worked for him for over 20 years. So much for loyalty I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 896

You deserved it 218

Today, I was sitting on park bench eating a sandwich when suddenly the bench broke and I fell and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 115

Today, while my girlfriend is in hospital, I'm left at home with her mom. What I didn't know is that her mom's medication makes her do strange things. I learned that right away when she took a seat next to me, completely naked, on the couch. My girlfriend's mom is my grandmother's age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 128