Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 21/03/2018 22:59 - India - Panvel

Today, I've been living away at work and my husband planned a tiny vacation. It was a 3 day getaway and I had my period soon as I landed. I fly back to work tonight for another 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 5

By ScrewedAndPenniless - 21/03/2018 13:26 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I packed my bags and loaded them into my friend's car as we snuck out of my parents' house, who'd I'd been fed up with living with. 6 hours later, the police have been called, my money in my bank account is all gone, and I've been accused of robbery and murder by my parents. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 14

By "kittykatland" - 21/03/2018 07:20 - United States - La Junta

Today, I finally plucked up the courage to file for divorce from my abusive, asshole of a husband. Today I also found out that it's not a UTI that I have, it's the cheating bastard's parting gift: chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 4

By lonelychild - 21/03/2018 05:45

Today, while on vacation, I helped my aunt set the table for dinner. afterwards, she raved about my table-setting skills to my mom who replied with “it's because she’s so lonely and has the mind of a child” FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 5

By Whaat - 21/03/2018 05:00

Today, I found out that my dad is a sugar daddy. He cheated on my mom for over 2 years with multiple people and they still haven't gotten a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 1

By whatisinternetlove - 20/03/2018 19:19 - United States - Hammond

Today, after my friends persuaded me to sign up for a dating website to get over an abusive relationship, I found a guy that piqued my interest. Building up my courage, I sent him a small message. Not even two minutes later, he deleted his profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 4

By thatbitch - 20/03/2018 23:41

Today, I enacted my revenge on my needy, but passive aggressive co-worker that I was certain everyone else hated. She burst into tears. Turns out she had a rough childhood that she channels into genuine positivity & was actually trying to make friends. Everyone saw me & refuse to go near me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 170

By Haley - 20/03/2018 19:15

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me 2 years ago and had a three-way with 2 girls I was friends with at the time. I saw one last weekend and she hugged me, asked me how my relationship was, and then posted a picture of us together on her social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 6

By Ana - 20/03/2018 19:09

Today, at 21 years old, I got sick of wearing pads, so I tried to put a tampon in. The pain was so excruciating that I fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 24

By Anonymous - 20/03/2018 17:29

Today I figured out my ex boyfriend was cheating on me with my brother's girlfriend. I don't know how to tell my brother, that's not his baby.. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 6

By Walrusessprouts - 20/03/2018 13:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up today feeling much better after a week long fever. Then I looked in the mirror. I'm covered in a rash that looks like hundreds of tiny pimples. I look like a diseased teenager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 4

By Pandafruit - 20/03/2018 12:53

Today, my seventeen year old son accidentally peed himself in the car. My husband now says that he in no way could be his child. He also told my son that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 8

By Lollipoplady - 20/03/2018 12:05

Today, I found out that a guy I left a few weeks ago got a job in my workplace. I started dating a work colleague and its out in the open that we are together. The problem is that things ended very badly so now I’m stuck seeing my ex and my partner together awkwardly everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 24

By I feel bad - 19/03/2018 21:13 - United States - Bastrop

Today, my husband visited his first wife's headstone for the first time in a while. I planted her favorite flowers there a few weeks ago as a nice surprise. He's been an inconsolable wreck all day. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 8

By notits - 20/03/2018 03:07

Today, I returned home from college for spring break. The first thing my mom said when I took off my coat, was "When did your boobs get so small!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 4

By Omglikeeww - 19/03/2018 21:22 - United States - Watertown

Today, I went over to my boyfriends house. We’ve been going out for a few months, short story I was giving him a blowjob but it turns out, that’s he got a little too excited that he pushed his penis into my throat and I threw up all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 16

By Ineedtoescape - 20/03/2018 01:55

Today, my mom refused to give me her tax information so I could get financial aid for college, meaning I won't be able to go. Her reason? I mentioned I was looking into colleges away from home. She won't even teach me how to drive. Guess I haven't earned the privilege of being 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 8

By Burningsensation - 19/03/2018 20:25 - United States - Guyton

Today, while at dinner, my buddies and I went to our favorite bar and wings order blazing hot wings. After washing them down with a pint or two I made the fatal mistake of grabbing my manhood to take a leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 37

By Crystania - 19/03/2018 22:43

Today, after a year of disciplined dieting and intense workout, I finally reached the skinniest moment of my life, I found out I am pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 14

By Lonely_lemon - 19/03/2018 17:35 - Australia

Today, I invited 25 people to my birthday party. I spent a few hundred dollars on catering and entertainment! No one showed up. At all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 9

By Thatwasmydrink - 20/03/2018 00:09 - Turkey - Adana

Today, while waiting for my food, my drink was already sitting on the counter. A woman with her (approx. 6 year old) daughter approached the counter to order. The girl started to lick my drink cup all over, while starring at me.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 4

By "mukmukjo" - 19/03/2018 16:03 - United States - Absecon

Today, I passed my driving test and I was so happy, but when I got home my mom was yelling at me because the cleaning ladies found drug related stuff in my basement. She showed my friends and I what they found, but the bag of weed wasn't there. Our cleaning lady got me in trouble and stole my weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 45

By "DraftHail614" - 19/03/2018 20:33

Today, things got pretty heated with my girlfriend so she started giving me head. Halfway through she started going "nom nom nom" while she was doing it. She won't stop laughing. I lost my boner. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 14

By Jaul - 19/03/2018 12:58 - United States - Cape Canaveral

Today, my boyfriend said that he couldn’t wait to get “toned” so that he’d finally be able to get any girl he wants. Is that his breakup to me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 4

By Tyra - 19/03/2018 15:59

Today, when I was at school this guy kept staring at me. At lunch break, he walked up to me and said I'm a"hot tamale" I felt awkward and ignored. 2 minutes later a girl ran up from behind me, yanked my hair and dropped me to the ground and yelled "HE'S MINE." I don't even like him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 2

By Dumbass Commando - 19/03/2018 09:05 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I went commando for the first time. Unfortunately for me, I forgot this important fact when I was getting changed for gym class. I accidentally showed all my friends, my junk. Bring on the helmet jokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 62

By Zoe101a - 19/03/2018 13:42

Today, at church a man who is at least 40 and overweight started flirting with me. He said "dang if we keep meeting like this I’ll have to introduce you to my mother" after telling me how’s beautiful I am. I’m 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 5

By shewhommustnotbenamed - 19/03/2018 05:38

Today, my husband keeps shouting Arvada Kedvra at me. Why? Because I managed to give myself a burn shaped like a lightning bolt on my stomach. From instant ramen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 14

By Foxed - 19/03/2018 04:46

Today, Hopelessly unemployed, came out of a great interview 20 minutes late to be met by a parking attendant writing a ticket. I apologized profusely and declared I couldn't leave the meeting as this was a life changing opportunity and desperately needed the job. He said best of luck and gave me the ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 20

By melrob95 - 19/03/2018 04:33

Today, my boyfriend was so wasted that when we were brushing our teeth, I bent over to rinse and he spit his toothpaste out on the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 16

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The Top

Today, I was getting frisky with my girlfriend. It was going well until we had to put our clothes back on quickly because someone was coming upstairs. It was my sister, who opened the door and said, “It smells like salami in here! Can I have some?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 103

Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 531

You deserved it 6 086

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me by testing myself for STIs/STDs and got a positive result for chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 99

Today, it's my birthday and it would be a great day if me and my wife weren’t literally too poor to celebrate it. To make it even better, she won’t have birthday sex with me, because we live with her mom and she’s afraid of her hearing us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 948

You deserved it 428

Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 288

You deserved it 20 811

Today, my second-grade daughter asked her teacher how much money she makes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 211