Nearly FMLs

By Kel - 28/03/2018 23:43

Today, I was eating chips and when I popped what I thought was a crumb that fell on the bed into my mouth, turns out it was my boyfriend's gross toenail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 27

By Anonymous - 28/03/2018 23:35

Today I dislocated my finger to the right and the doctor who treated me in hospital relocated it so vigorously he ended up dislocating it over to the left instead. My poor finger feels like it’s gonna drop off FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 3

By Couchless - 28/03/2018 10:52 - United States

Today, I complimented my co-worker on his glasses and have been giving him compliments every shift to help him boost his self confidence. He finally responded, telling me although he appreciates the compliments, he doesn't want to get with me, I'm not his type. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 29

By Legsofjello - 28/03/2018 16:35

Today, my legs still feel like I ran a marathon. I was in so much pain I had to miss work yesterday. Why? I put in laminate flooring in my bedroom 5 days ago. I guess going to the gym 5 days a week doesn't prepare you for one day of hard labor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 19

By Anonymous - 28/03/2018 15:35

Today, my father sent me $100 out of the blue. This might have been a nice gesture had he not recently tried to steal $1400 from me by claiming me as a dependent on his taxes, even though I haven't lived with my parents since I was 14. That wasn't the first time he's stolen money from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 6

By spoonploon - 28/03/2018 11:10

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I didn't like him talking to his ex behind my back... then got back with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 11

By now with more sores! - 28/03/2018 04:26

Today, I woke up to a severely painful cockroach bite on my lip. Guess that could happen if you apply cake batter scented lip balm, in efforts to treat an already bad cold sore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 17

By AriKoZum - 27/03/2018 21:57 - United States - Boston

Today, while visiting my mother, I found out I was adopted. I'm 32. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 28/03/2018 02:44

Today, I was in a statewide concert and competition, and the lead of my section was gone, without any warning. I had to play the part given to the school's star sax player, having only seen it five minutes before. The stakes? Not much, other than the professional music professors at WWU judging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

By Anon - 27/03/2018 20:44 - United Kingdom - Mansfield

Today, I finally received a long awaited interview for medical school. Not only was I struck down with a bad case of diarrhoea, I was also sick 8 times on the two-hour long train journey. I guess I was a delight to interview, when I came in reeking of sick, with my face a nasty shade of pale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 5

By Rah - 27/03/2018 16:03 - Nigeria

Today, while introducing myself at a meeting facilitated by my non-profit, I couldn’t remember the name of the project I’m currently working on and being paid out of... in front of our donors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 43

By Anonymous - 27/03/2018 15:02

Today, I accidentally called the cops on my cat. I came home at night to find light showing through the window from my TV (which my cat somehow turned on) then she poked her head through the curtain and I thought the movement was a home intruder looking out as my car pulled into the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 12

By thefriendnobodylikes - 27/03/2018 05:45 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I woke up to a series of Snaps of my closest group of friends having a night out without me. I would buy the “it happened spontaneously, we didn’t have time to tell you,” if I weren’t the only one who lives within walking distance of the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 27/03/2018 05:30

Today, I found out that there is a mouse stuck in my vent and I can't get to him. Good news? My cat keeps waking me up to let me know he is there. At least she wants to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 26/03/2018 20:42 - Canada

Today, after giving up on the IT department in my company offering me a job, I quit to pursue another job and moved back in a with my parents. The manager called me not too long after to casually offer me a job. I already signed a contract to another company and ended my lease on my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 9

By "Boyufd" - 27/03/2018 02:35

Today, my female best friend told me she was in love with me. Wanting to remain loyal to my current girlfriend, I turned her down gently. Later son guy asked her out, and she accepted it. A few hours later, my current girlfriend dumped me for another guy. Oh the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 9

By nik - 27/03/2018 02:29

Today, the day after my brother's cat bit my hand, I woke up to find my hand swollen to almost 3 times its normal size. My husband laughs every time he sees it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 5

By maliono - 26/03/2018 15:18 - United States

Today, during an essay test, I accidentally wrote Eli Manning instead of Eli Whitney. One is a quarterback, the other invented the cotton gin. My professor won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 57

By Anonymous - 26/03/2018 21:16

Today, after not being able to get into work a few times due to being snowed in, I got fired. For not being able to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 11

By "Lee Carkery" - 26/03/2018 19:08 - Ireland

Today, I went to the college I'll be attending at the end of the year with an application that has to be in by the end of Easter. Turns out that the college is closed for Easter holidays. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 30

By mimi - 26/03/2018 10:34 - United States - Edmond

Today, I had to poop in public. I thought I found a deserted restroom, but then two girls walked in mid-poop and heard the resulting splash. When I came out, they laughed and took pictures of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 6

By Ms No Luck - 26/03/2018 16:24

Today, I start a new round of antibiotics for two weeks. Two months ago, I just finished antibiotics for a severe case of strep. Now I get them because my ex gave me chlamydia, claiming it on underwear and sex toys. My stomach hasn't fully healed from that first dose yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 6

By "Chadoubled" - 26/03/2018 15:39

Today, I woke up after a long, 8 hour night of sleep, realizing I had forgotten to take my whitening strips off my teeth. Now my teeth are so sensitive and I am in so much pain, I can't even eat the "famous" company breakfast that only happens once a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 40

By nosleep - 26/03/2018 05:49 - United States - Chester

Today, and like every other day, I haven’t gotten sleep at night because I share a room with my brother. He stays up all night, every night, playing video games and my parents don’t say anything to him. He’s 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 10

By Mack - 26/03/2018 11:10

Today, my parents once again commented on me getting a boyfriend or to be careful with the boys because they think I’ve actually seen, met up with or kissed a guy since primary school. I have done none of the above and doubt I will soon, sadly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 5

By Elianas001 - 26/03/2018 05:50

Today, I went on my school trip of 6 days at Disney. I already wasn’t too happy to go, but it definitely didn’t help that my roommate dropped her luggage on my foot twice, on the first day, breaking my foot. This will be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 26/03/2018 03:54

Today, I came home after several months of studying in another city just to find out my mom is on vacation with her new boyfriend. I have no food and the heater does not work. I have been sick for days and my mom knew about it. She promised to take care of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 26/03/2018 03:41

Today, the girl I was texting from tinder asked me for a pic. after I did, she responded with "your pic made me sad". I know I'm not much to look at but that utterly destroyed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 26/03/2018 09:27 - Australia - Perth

Today, it's the 4th day with barely any contact with my partner. Not only that, but he cancelled on my cousin's wedding to pick up his ex girlfriend from the airport. She's staying with him for 3 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 11

By Liz - 26/03/2018 02:13

Today, after a dry spell, preparations were being made. I showered, put on lingerie, shaved and even smeared my secretion behind my ears for the scents. Just when we finally got on, I leaned in for a kiss, but only our teeth met. I managed to knock out half his front tooth during foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 19

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The Top

Today, I was telling my fiancée about my Hashimoto's symptoms when my MIL to-be said, "You must be drinking too much alcohol. My aunt had a goiter and it only swelled when she drank, usually bourbon or beer." She then walked out of the room, perfectly content with her "diagnosis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 699

You deserved it 170

Today, we ordered pizza. A long wait and several phone calls later, we found out that someone met the delivery person at the end of our driveway, signed our receipt, and stole our pizza. Way to check the credit card pizza people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 005

You deserved it 3 044

Today, I've come to the realization that the only people to call me handsome are women above the age of 55, gay men, or women trying to get money from me and failing. I don't even get a compliment on a haircut after not cutting it for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 122

Today, it’s been so long since I’ve had sex, even my wet dreams are about doing it solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235

You deserved it 244

Today, I went running for the first time in a few months. I had what I thought was an asthma attack. When I got home, I realized that it was not asthma, but instead I have gained so much weight that my running bra restricted my breathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 638

You deserved it 31 339

Today, on my way home from school, I accidentally stepped on a dead rat. That gross squishy feeling and the sound of its bones cracking… I'm never going to forget that for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 82