Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 25/03/2018 20:53

Today, after I had my wisdom teeth removed, my boyfriend asked for a blowjob. Because I'm on pain killers so I 'shouldn't even feel it' FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 8

By "Ben Vickers" - 25/03/2018 20:12

Today, my college was giving out cervical cancer jabs. As I'm afraid of needles I told the nurse I didn't want one, only to be told they are for girls only... FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 93

By pjsr - 25/03/2018 17:09

Today my high school girlfriend of over a year broke up with me. I drove a half hour to see my youth minister at church, expecting to receive some comfort and prayer. His response, “Hey, it feels good to be on the prowl again, huh?”

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 25/03/2018 10:40 - United States

Today, I fingered my girlfriend for the first time. We were on the couch in the basement of my house, little did we know my sister walked in on us and told my parents everything. Needless to say my girlfriend won't be coming over again for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 19

Thanks?

By Anonymous - 25/03/2018 15:00

Today, my mother-in-law dropped by and huffily started cleaning my apartment since I "can't be bothered" to do it. I just got home from the hospital after having foot surgery. I can barely walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 226

You deserved it 229

By Anonymous - 25/03/2018 09:18

Today, after coming back from a grueling 4 day trip working as a regional flight attendant and just wanting to sleep a good 8 hours, my roommate came in banging her luggage and spraying toxic fumes everywhere for cockroaches, leaving open the windows in below freezing temperatures... at 3 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 2

By "Kara_araK" - 24/03/2018 20:00 - South Africa - Roodepoort

Today, my landlord's daughter accidentally drove into the back of my car. She said she will pay for all the damage, but when I gave her the quote from the guy she sent me to, she said it was too expensive and got her mom to call me and moan at me. She fixed her car right afterwards though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 24/03/2018 16:19

Today, I told my boyfriend I enjoy having my hair pulled. He took it to mean that I like one strand of hair pulled from my head at a time. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 18

By giraffee - 24/03/2018 11:59

Today my boyfriend informed that “the girl I don’t have to worry about” has been sleeping over at his place. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 24/03/2018 09:58

Today, I’m supposed to be relaxing in Spain. However, I just discovered my purse is missing from my carry on bag. I highly doubt it simply fell out, so whoever stole it has my license and is $300 richer. I have no way of getting money now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 5

By "GreenSkiesBlueGrass" - 23/03/2018 19:14 - Canada

Today, I met one of my mother's friends. She told him I was her daughter, and he then proceeded to look over at me in complete shock, as he said: "I thought you were her mom!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 23/03/2018 23:56

Today, my parents forced me to watch reality TV with them. Why? "Because you need to stop being so elitist" and "because you think you're smarter than everyone else". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 11

By Jose - 23/03/2018 15:52 - United States

Today, my fiancée decided to break up with me. She said she wasn't ready for a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 4

By TheLousyFisher - 23/03/2018 20:13

Today, I was removing a dead fish from a fish tank in the lab I work in. The fish broke into several parts and gave a foul stench causing me to vomit. The fish are contaminated and will take a few months to restore. I have to explain this to my boss when he returns from jury duty next week. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 4

By Christopher Martin - 23/03/2018 17:27

Today, walking home after picking up groceries for my step-mom, I passed by an old guy who then said,”Get the fuck out of my house!” Which I was nowhere near. He then tried to assault me with a beer bottle was cussing at me. After I continued walking he followed me till I made it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 5

By Justkeepsgettingbetter - 23/03/2018 08:55 - United States - Mclean

Today, my brother told me we no longer are to have contact and I'm dead to him. His kids and wife are to have no contact with me any longer either. Why? Because I made a joke to his wife that he will do anything she says. Wish I was making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 4

By fmlcharlii - 23/03/2018 13:30

Today, my cat decided to mate with my dressing gown. While I was wearing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 3

By Deadleg - 23/03/2018 10:13

Today, I was walking a nature trail with my best friend, who is visiting from school in Germany and her mom. Today was also the day I slipped on the mud and broke my ankle. She's leaving in 3 days and I don't know when I'll see her again.. not to mention the huge pile of medical bills now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 23/03/2018 10:11

Today, I found out my only sibling got married. How, you may ask? All the photos on Facebook. And no I was not invited to the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 3

By fmbadluck - 22/03/2018 23:28 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, a 15 year relationship with a 7 year marriage is dead because I never woke up early to do breakfast nor like to do dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 97

By Heartbroken Harley - 22/03/2018 14:03 - United States - Fredonia

Today, after three and a half years, my boyfriend left me over text. Why? The biggest reason was I wasn't having sex with him enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 30

By Anonymous - 22/03/2018 18:57

Today, while picking up my dog's poop in the dark, I slipped on another hidden pile just to fall face first into the steaming heap my dog just dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 18

By A.C. - 22/03/2018 16:56

Today, I found out my husband of eight years has been cheating on me with a 22 year old girl he met at work. I confronted him with phone records and he still denied it. He packed his stuff and left. We also just bought a house six months ago and were planning on starting a family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 5

By James - 22/03/2018 16:34

Today, I learned the only reason my friend would sleep with me so much and do all the stuff I like was because she didn’t want someone else to do it for me. Now that we’re dating I haven’t been laid in three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 8

By Huh - 22/03/2018 15:40

Today, a lady stood outside my house yelling and calling me a racist c*** for my backyard light turning on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 22/03/2018 07:10

Today, I spent 2 hours beading a necklace and a bracelet out of beads that I thought to be wood. I put them on and later went to the shower and I find them falling apart and melting all over my body. The beds weren’t wood, they were clay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 55

By Anonymous - 22/03/2018 04:28

Today, I got pulled over by the same guy who I bullied in high school. Needles to say, I got arrested for vandalism I did 5 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 175

By Anonymous - 21/03/2018 17:37 - United States - Springfield

Today, I found out my living situation to get back on my feet and save up money has an expiration date of three months. That's next week. I just dropped a few hundred dollars to fix my car so I don't miss work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 11

By NoWheels - 22/03/2018 01:24

Today, my college offered a free bike repair service on campus. I took my bike in, got it repaired and went and locked it up during lunch. I returned after class to find it stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 8

By Benjii - 21/03/2018 19:02

Today, I found out my thieving, addicted, alcoholic, piece of crap brother-in-law has been living with his mother. In my basement. And I thought I had simply misplaced my watch, my camera, and my weed. Nope. He's selling my stuff to get money to buy pills Guess it's time for new locks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 13

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 889

You deserved it 5 102

Today, my girlfriend and I were going through some troubles in our relationship, and she said to me, "No offense, but I really hope no other relationship I have in the future will be like this one." Some offense taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 974

You deserved it 3 211

Today, someone asked when my baby was due. I'm not pregnant, but I was so embarrassed to be mistaken for a pregnant lady that I rubbed my tummy and said "December." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 348

You deserved it 15 688

Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her I was at my dad's house, she clarified; she meant her husband of one year, not my actual father who has raised me for the past 25 years. Apparently, he feels "left out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 778

You deserved it 1 612

Today, after a long talk with the kids, I finally got all the chores around the house done early so we could have a fun family weekend. My wife decided to be a wet blanket and insisted we needed to deep clean the already clean kitchen. Three arguments later, everyone is sulking, and I'm working in the kitchen alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 139

Today, I woke up, had great sex, had a delicious breakfast, played with my kid and laid down for a nap… only to wake up in extreme pain, an ambulance ride, and now a doctor saying I need emergency surgery on my leaking gallbladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 102