Nearly FMLs

By getmeoutofhere - 16/04/2018 07:12

Today, after seeing my ex, who broke up with me last week because he "wasn't ready for a relationship", making out with my best friend in the hallway, I told our friend group what I saw. She accused me of being out together and lying. They believed her and are no longer talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 7

By stupidrich - 16/04/2018 06:49

Today, I found out my ex is dating the girl he claimed he didn’t have feelings for, the same girl he went to lunch everyday while we were dating. He also canceled my gym membership. I’m more upset about the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 16/04/2018 05:43

Today, my birthday, my girlfriend of over a year told me she doesn't want me sexually anymore. Things have been bad between us for the last 5 months, but when I propose to leave her the apartment and go away, she refuses. She wants me to stay, but she doesn't want me to touch her anymore. Wtf I do now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 8

By "AdeenCuffing" - 16/04/2018 05:39

Today my parents complained about my brother (who lives in Colorado with our bio mother) having a bad SAT score (he got an average score). They then proceeded to ask when mine come back, the scores were released weeks ago. Mine is lower than my brother's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 4

By Michelle - 16/04/2018 04:14

Today, my boss called me into his office and asked me to shut the door. Why? He 'needed' me to crawl under his desk and turn his foot heater on. I cannot complain because he's the owner of the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 3

By Bullhorn - 16/04/2018 04:08

Today, I learned why I never got a job as a public safety dispatcher despite excellent test scores and good interviews. My high school had mixed me up with another student and put the wrong Birthdate on my records. Background checks showed me lying about my schooling. 10 years of trying wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 4

By Lufsu566 - 16/04/2018 03:57

Today, I went into my parents room to find a picture frame… I found one… and an advanced penis enlargement system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 15

By "eazyE995" - 15/04/2018 20:45

Today, like most work days, I had my lunch in my car around 1030. When I was on my way out of work around 230 I started to look for my keys but could not find them. I retraced my steps and found my keys still in my car's ignition. I left my car running the entire second half of my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 59

By Devowife - 15/04/2018 11:07

Today, I found out the unborn baby of a girl I begged my husband to stay away from, is actually also my husband's unborn baby. We were about to start trying for our own and just moved into our first home and he always told me I was crazy for not trusting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 4

By VikingVictory - 15/04/2018 09:54 - Norway - Lillehammer

Today, I got a text from my ex. He said he loved me. We broke up yesterday. Then he said he had forgotten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 4

By what a view - 14/04/2018 23:26 - Canada - Quesnel

Today at work in a clothing store I was helping a quite large and elderly woman finds some clothes. When I asked how the clothes she was trying on were fitting she opened the change room door wearing nothing but her bra and underwear. I may never get that image out of my head. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 15/04/2018 02:55

Today, I went on a date with a pretty girl. I was driving with her in the car when a raccoon ran into the street. I ran him over and now I'm known as the "raccoon killer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 15

By Biff Stu - 15/04/2018 01:57

Today, my former subordinates and apparently now former friends' are suing me for child abuse, under the grounds of corruption of a minor. Their marriage annulment was finally officiated, and their only daughter, who is 8, refused both of them and chose to live with me, her godfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 15/04/2018 00:20

Today, I got a chip in my car's windshield while driving home on the highway. The same highway, I was driving on when I got a chip in my windshield, which turned into a crack, causing me to replace the windshield a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 3

By Rainbows - 14/04/2018 19:28

Today, I ran a red light thinking I wouldn’t be noticed since I have done this a lot. As soon as I ran it three cop cars came behind me and three in front and gave me a ticket for all the 12 times I have ran a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 211

By imbk - 14/04/2018 17:27

Today, I walked a total of 8 miles and went to 4 different stores in search of one specific type of chip. No, I'm not pregnant; my cravings are this strong every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 13

By jessie - 14/04/2018 10:19 - United States - Edmond

Today, me and my friends were watching infomercials and they were making fun of how clumsy the people were. I then realized I could relate to every single one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 17

By "Kilamo" - 14/04/2018 14:16

Today, after my 1 month "warranty" ended my car broke down. I need a new motor mount, thermostat, radiator fan and a tune-up because the one he supposedly did was shitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 14/04/2018 18:35 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, it was my 97-year-old grand mother's funeral. During cremation, I was sobbing from sadness and was comforted by my family and relatives. Then my cousin, a 33-year-old guy, came to innocently ask me, "So, when will she be baked?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 2

By ButWhy? - 14/04/2018 01:03 - United States - Schenectady

Today, After having shit luck at dating for the past 6 months, my one ex that I still have feelings for calls me up. We talk for hours, he tells me he misses me, convinces me to talk dirty to him, then says he'll text me when I'm at work. 2 hours in, I realize he just used me for a wank.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 14/04/2018 06:43

Today I realised I’ve developed a huge crush on my best friend. Despite being told, in no small terms, that she finds me unattractive in nearly every way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 14/04/2018 04:29

Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, I fell asleep. I don't know what's worse, that the head was so boring, or that she was still going at it when I awoke... FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 46

By Anonymous - 13/04/2018 16:58 - United States - Boscobel

Today, the girl whose only shown up twice for work since she was hired not only called off today and tomorrow, but she messaged me this morning asking to borrow money. If she gets fired I'll be the only one in my department again. HELP!!!!! FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 13/04/2018 16:44 - United States - Princeton

Today, after work, I couldn't get hold of my girlfriend of 6 years. She messaged me about two hours later telling me that she was at home packing her stuff and leaving. As I was heading home to beg her not to go, the transmission went out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 3

By LottieLuna - 13/04/2018 22:18

Today, in English class, we had to write about our crush. I didn’t use his name, but it was obvious who it was. Then she assigned us partners to share our entries with. Mine was my crush. I skipped over descriptions, but I think he knew it was him. He was about my best friend. He used her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 13/04/2018 20:27

Today I was at a coffee shop and then I saw this handsome guy sitting near my place, without thinking for a while I took out my phone and secretly tried to take a pic of him, but I didn't know that my flash was on so he and the other people there saw me trying to stalk. It was really awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 83

By XXX - 13/04/2018 09:23 - United States - Winnebago

Today, I sent my mom a cat GIF while she was at work. After I sent the link, I noticed it the OP's name was "thefingerfuckingfemalefury," a name which was ever-so-helpfully included in the URL. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 33

By "J215B" - 13/04/2018 10:31

Today, my boyfriend became a boner meme on our college campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 6

By ewEWEW - 13/04/2018 16:23 - Australia - Saint Lucia

Today, I trimmed my flatmate's hair with clippers. I didn't mind that he was a little bit sweaty, but I did mind when a confluence size dandruff chunk flew up and hit me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 17:14 - United States

Today, I cancelled all my plans to help out a friend at work. He told me about how his night customers were "wild". Later on in the shift, I came acrossed a sweet little old woman who told me she'd take her teeth out just for me and winked. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 11

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, one of my boyfriend's friends commented on how small my boobs are. My boyfriend defended me, saying it was only because I was wearing a sports bra. I wasn't. It was the push-up bra he bought me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 954

You deserved it 5 003

Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 845

You deserved it 9 523

Today, I was watching TV when a Dentyne gum commercial came on and stated that the average person spends more than 20,000 minutes kissing. I've spent less than three. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 343

You deserved it 6 083

Today, some bloke pushed me to the floor and kicked me twice in the head so he could steal, no joke, the two Greggs pasties I just bought. He wasn’t homeless either, he had designer jeans and a giant iPhone, and he did it in broad daylight with witnesses. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 90

Today, I got tired of my brother-in-law making disgusting immature misogynistic remarks so I decided to shut him down by boasting that I make twice his annual salary in a month. Now my husband is pissed at me for humiliating his brother, and letting everyone know out-earn them both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 206

Today, I picked up a broken piece of seemingly velvety cactus to show my mom. I now have a million microscopic, painful splinters in my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 963

You deserved it 40 945