Nearly FMLs

By Mae - 22/04/2018 10:08

Today, someone reported that my husband kidnapped me and I was in the car screaming to the top of my lungs. My husband was gone for 2 hours. I was alone in my car. 3 cop cars and K9s later, my husband got handcuffed and blamed me for calling the cops with a fake story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 22/04/2018 06:59

Today, we were at a science competition. I’ve worked approximately 6 weeks on this helicopter I’m competing with. On the first try, I let it go and it hits the ground instantly. It then breaks in half before we can go on a second run. That’s 70$ of balsa wood down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 8

By "Coral Moselle Kuykendall" - 21/04/2018 16:41 - United States - Lincoln City

Today, my boyfriend if two years dumped me for some chick he met like a month ago. I'm not even allowed to say goodbye to the dog we had together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 5

By "Evan Marchetti" - 21/04/2018 19:03 - United States - Norway

Today my car broke down in the parking lot of a music store. The manager was nice enough to give me and my grandfather, who I was with, a ride to Walmart to get a jumper cable. My grandpa locked our car before we went to Walmart. Too bad he locked our only set of keys in the car with it.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 8

By jadeann - 21/04/2018 23:25

Today, a month after submitting approximately a hundred job applications, I finally got a call back. At the interview, they immediately turned me down, saying they weren't hiring 12-year-olds. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 7

By caby - 21/04/2018 23:09

Today, my navigational skills are so bad that I have embarrassed myself in front of 3 separate people who gave me a ride home all because I remember landmarks, not street names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 12

By imsad - 21/04/2018 18:48

Today is the 19th anniversary of my mother's death. I went to the movies to escape reality. When I got home my husband asked me to describe the plot. He got angry when I logged on IMDB to describe it instead of “telling it in my own words” then he accused me of being a liar and a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 10

By Bee - 21/04/2018 16:17

Today, an older man missing his two front teeth and has a large beer belly, insinuated I am fat. I am 5 feet and 6 inches tall and weigh 125 pounds. Then he claimed he wanted to take me to “the hotel.” What a way to treat a woman. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 21/04/2018 15:45

Today, my stepdad and I got into a heated argument, which escalated into a fight, which led to him effortlessly kicking my ass. He is a hundred pounds overweight, and I am a professional athlete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 26

By Hk282 - 21/04/2018 03:27

Today, my husband came back from a trip to London. I was waiting for him to come home to help take care of a sick 6 month old and a toddler, so that I could get rid of this flu like a nasty cold. Instead of helping me, he complains about the house and sleeps saying he’s tired from the travel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 14

By Jack Faire - 21/04/2018 03:23

Today, I have been working hard and am up for a promotion to the trainer. I got a 20 minute lecture on how irresponsible I am for asking for a day off of work for medical reasons. I have not only never missed a day of work, but I continually cover other people's shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 21/04/2018 03:11

Today, after burning myself out on a long week of work, I got to go home and "relax" by playing housewife, listening to my neighbors scream, and begin the process of buying my first house, all without the help of my husband. What's he up to? Vegging on the couch and playing on Steam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 20/04/2018 23:54

Today, having been given the OK to return to work after 4 unpaid weeks off following an ACL injury, providing I use crutches, my boss is refusing to let me use them as she thinks they are a "health and safety issue". It's not like I need the money anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 3

By "733yoda" - 20/04/2018 23:37

Today, I witnessed my mother argue with my aunt on the best way to get my grandparents (their parents) high. This turned out to be useless when my grandmother barged in and excitedly ate a brownie before they could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 5

By QuizTaker - 20/04/2018 21:59

Today, I was taking a timed exam, when my browser decided to keep on freezing up as I tried to take it. I ended up failing the exam due to incompletion, and the browser stopped acting up the second I “finished". FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 3

By "JayCote67" - 20/04/2018 09:46 - United States

Today, I talked to a recruiter about joining the Navy, apparently my allergy to raw fruits and vegetables disqualifies me from enlisting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 10

By speechless - 20/04/2018 07:20

Today was the first full day of being home from the hospital with my baby since I had her. Today was also the day I got a message saying my boyfriend, the father of my child got the mother of his first child pregnant while I was pregnant. We signed a year lease on an apartment 2 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 13

By unlovedchild - 20/04/2018 07:07

Today, my mom described me as an "interloper" in the family and revealed that I'll soon be forced to move out. So much for unconditional love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 8

By Jedaward - 20/04/2018 03:00 - Spain - Madrid

Today, we're on a field course in Spain. 3 days left to go and I pick up a really bad stomach bug. Last night I sneezed in my sleep and shat myself in a room full of people, basically had to run around and sneakily clean myself/my clothes without alerting anyone, which when you're in a dorm, is impossible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 19/04/2018 23:07

Today I walked up to my girlfriend and hugged her from behind, except it wasn’t my girlfriend, it wasn’t even a girl, it was a guy. Not only do I now have a large black eye my girlfriend is also mad at me for mixing her up with a guy in the first place FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 81

By Gee, thanks mom! - 19/04/2018 17:04 - United States - New York

Today, I received news from the lawyer of my now late grand aunt that I was cutoff her will. Mom apparently didn't like the idea, made some angry phone calls, and later, happily told me that I was put back. I had myself removed because I was about to inherit the debts! FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 19/04/2018 22:56

Today my girlfriend broke up with me because she read in the newspaper that our star signs aren’t compatible. Ergo, it’s better that we break up now rather than grow to hate each other and end up divorced in 20 years time FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 7

By Jesse2583 - 19/04/2018 15:15 - United States - Norris City

Today, I was dumped 4 hours before the prom, while I was at work, over a text, while having a panic attack in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 5

By "Delina Portelli" - 19/04/2018 21:55

Today, I found out my siblings had no idea I was kicked out of the house. Apparently my parents told them I left on my own. This was 10 years ago and it explains a lot of negative interactions I have had with my siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 4

By Sleepyhead - 19/04/2018 18:16

Today, I overslept after studying late into the night, which wouldn't be so bad, except I had the office keys since I locked up last night. I woke up to my boss hammering on my door and screaming at me when I opened (still groggy). Before today, he didn't even know where I stayed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 23

By Michaela R - 19/04/2018 13:43

Today, my dad asked me if I "could just not be bi". No, no I can't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 12

By Screwed - 19/04/2018 13:20

Today, my self proclaimed psychic neighbor stopped me on my way to my car and said,”your car is leaking oil”. I said,”Wow, it must be great being a medium.” She shook her head and pointed to the large puddle of oil pooling under my car. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 98

By Mr. Popularity - 19/04/2018 12:25

Today, Facebook showed me my "most commented on" photo of 2017. It had two comments. One of them was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 9

By zaktor - 19/04/2018 08:46

Today, I discovered a staff walkie talkie that had been forgotten in a public restroom. After I had finished some very loud (ahem) business. And it was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 11

By LookAtTheSCHEDULEFIRST - 19/04/2018 07:29

Today, it is three weeks until the end of my semester at school, I got home and my dad demanded to know where I had been. Like many times before, I explained I was at school. I wouldn't mind so much, but this is the same person who insisted I print out my schedule and put it on the fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 6

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me for a girl he's known for less than 72 hours. Why? He wanted someone pure. I lost my virginity to him five years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 350

You deserved it 4 227

Today, I went to let my dog inside because she was barking. I saw my neighbour standing at my fence, screaming that she was going to kill my dog with a shovel for barking at her. My dog was only doing it because my neighbor was putting her trash in my garbage bin. This isn't a new thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 258

You deserved it 142

Today, after an argument, my boyfriend called me a fart knocker and gave me a wedgie. Apparently, I'm dating an 10-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 615

You deserved it 1 065

Today, I tried to stifle a sneeze while on the train and instead shat myself a little bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 198

Today, it's my birthday, the first one in my college life. No one knew, and no one wished me. It’s fine, I guess. But as I sat alone in my room, I could hear laughter and cheers from hall they were celebrating someone else’s birthday. I tried not to care, but deep down, I felt little envious, and a little lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 370

Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138 562

You deserved it 10 424