Intimacy: Excuses

Excuses

By sucks - 12/03/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 295 474

You deserved it 54 117

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Same thing different taste

White lie

By Sorrymom - 11/08/2017 01:30

Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 434

You deserved it 908

Repent!

By Mauro - 22/03/2022 16:00

Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 319

By linn - 27/09/2012 20:14 - United States

Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 117

You deserved it 3 191

By Missy - 02/02/2011 18:16 - United States

Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 202

You deserved it 17 251

By gotta love my momma - 28/08/2014 05:08 - United States - Folsom

Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 268

You deserved it 11 292

By Yulia - 09/03/2009 10:09 - United States

Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 205

You deserved it 5 218

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 105

Uptight girl, she's been living in her uptight world…

By TheVirginJenny - 07/10/2012 00:05 - United States - Spanaway

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 273

You deserved it 7 882

ICYMI

By senelbeat - 03/07/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her, "If I want to have sex, I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you get married." She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 265

You deserved it 8 562

By Told_You_So - 09/07/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 060

You deserved it 5 080

goshkoganwtf 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 20:14

Your mother is a bitch. No offence to you. But its just mean what she did Im sorry.

EmilyMarie 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 20:15

I say you should get pregnant and see how she responds. (Unless you're male I suppose.)

Comments

RHK_fml 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 20:13

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Mcstroodlenugget 0

Tuesday 27 April 2010 22:10

seriously, what a ******* bitch.

rightonlooser 0

Friday 4 June 2010 8:30

Youre kidding!!! All abstinent people are doing that cause they cant get any!

victoria4161993 0

Friday 4 June 2010 22:46

see my parents would be happy if I said that because they know I actualy can get laud any time I want

rightonlooser 0

Sunday 6 June 2010 1:24

So can anyone.except op. Youre nothing special.i also notice the IF I TOLD THEM THAT part. you have sex too much. *scold*

jjpavo 0

Monday 21 June 2010 3:21

**** christianity snd religion in general

hater118 0

Friday 30 July 2010 17:34

dumb ass

tminihan 0

Friday 6 August 2010 5:40

214 is like me

YANKSFAN4EVER 0

Saturday 21 August 2010 8:17

Is it?

BrightSidegirl82 0

Sunday 17 October 2010 13:38

that's just tight. I feel for you...:(

chriswest54 0

Wednesday 10 November 2010 4:40

****, suck my penis

Sacurason 0

Sunday 20 February 2011 11:58

Look at the bright side.....if you want to get laid, now you can! If your parents say something, you can call them hypocrites!!!! mwahahahha!!!

MiGman 5

Sunday 15 May 2011 9:03

thts not f'ed up my dad would encourage getting laid

Satoaoi 13

Friday 18 January 2013 12:21

so true

goshkoganwtf 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 20:14

Your mother is a bitch. No offence to you. But its just mean what she did Im sorry.

ily4life 0

Wednesday 7 July 2010 5:30

I would love it if my mom said that lol then she couldn't get mad if she walked in on me:D

alanspaz 6

Monday 22 December 2014 12:14

uts better than her asking if he was gay or a *****...

hockeyplaya 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 20:14

exactly what my parents said.

Wargen 8

Thursday 11 February 2010 9:14

Mom FTW

lifeisaterriblem 6

Saturday 28 May 2011 5:34

same here.

Incredibly_Dope 0

Thursday 17 May 2012 15:56

I would've said, bitch please, and then walked out of the room.

Brooklynguy6 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 20:14

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1ky1996 0

Monday 19 April 2010 4:06

that's what I said

paashaasklaas 1

Monday 20 December 2010 21:08

indeed

Jojo08_fml 0

Saturday 4 June 2011 18:34

agreed

EmilyMarie 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 20:15

I say you should get pregnant and see how she responds. (Unless you're male I suppose.)

PhasesPhantom 22

Thursday 31 December 2015 17:53

Male seahorses can hold babies

One_In_Three 24

Thursday 25 August 2016 5:20

I don't think male seahorses go on FML much these days.

Gringo_fml 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 20:17

With regards to what #5 get someone pregnant =]

zanguard 0

Tuesday 20 July 2010 5:16

I second the motion

jSOPURE 3

Thursday 12 March 2009 20:18

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jackson7787 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 20:18

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Gawain_fml 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 20:20

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Etherial 0

Monday 22 June 2009 19:02

I have a boyfriend who is very much into me and I into him, so believe me - I have a choice. And we've both chosen to wait until marriage. Some people actually appreciate how special it is when both partners start off a marriage well, TOGETHER. All the time you are together, you're getting to know each other and building your relationship to be together for the rest of your lives and then when you get married - sex is the last link to your relationship, what helps the two of you become one. :) And I gotta say, its been working great - my boyfriend and I have a better relationship than most other people around us. So yes, some people have a choice. ;)

BadPinkKitty07 0

Thursday 4 March 2010 20:58

@197... same here. that's awesome. :)

Chocolate_Chunk 2

Thursday 19 August 2010 12:48

@179: 1. your bf ***** other girls 2. if not 1., you only going to find out how much he sucks in bed when you can't just dump him anymore

HHA_fml 3

Thursday 19 August 2010 18:42

Respect

sithlordnergal 5

Saturday 23 February 2013 13:04

Ignore #225 and #211. I'm making the same choice to wait until I'm married before having sex. I've never cheated on a girlfriend before, I don't watch ****, and currently I'm 21. So those two, and anyone else who thinks that waiting is stupid, are wrong. And even better, by waiting you get to avoid EVERYTHING that comes with having premarital sex, from STDs to unexpected pregnancies. ^_^

JazzHandsFML 28

Wednesday 1 April 2015 21:30

holy shit that's brilliant in regards to the first reply

I_Bite 22

Monday 3 August 2015 14:52

#305 I do agree not all are compatible in bed, however if you have nothing to compare it to and have built that foundation on loving one another for their personality and how well you work as a team, the sexual side doesn't mean as much to you :)

shimmyya88 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 20:22

Sort of what #5 and #6 said, get a friend to play along that you are/you got her pregnant. All the fun with getting her freaked out but no after effects...like a child.