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Today, I found out our newborn snores worse than his father. FML

by bananna / 05/29/2014 at 11:18am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, at my local amusement park, I decided it'd be fun to meet someone on the roller coaster by sitting alone and hoping that someone nice would sit next to me. I rode the roller coaster 7 times. I sat alone each time. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2014 at 3:40pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my son has been trying to save enough of his earwax to make a candle. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend laid his head on my bare chest and said, "You're like my mother." FML

by motherlover / 08/05/2014 at 12:40am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly at the last of it, looked up smiling and said "thanks". The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML

by Anonymous / 08/15/2014 at 1:06am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my doctor wasn't kidding when he said "sudden diarrhea may occur" with my new medication. I learned this while walking my dog a mile away from my house. FML

by HauntedTwilight / 08/14/2014 at 9:09pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it was my great aunt's funeral. We all had to wait two hours for the service to begin, because they forgot to dig the grave. FML

by abbshows / 08/29/2014 at 2:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, my cat decided to join in on our moans by crying at the door the entire time. He stopped as soon as we finished. FML

by boobear511 / 11/02/2014 at 7:26pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got the most tear-jerking comment so far about my severe stutter. While I was talking to my neighbor, his little brother interrupted and asked me if I was possessed by a demon. FML

by bradix1186 / 02/21/2015 at 1:00pm / Philippines (North Cotabato) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out just how much my dog likes ice-cream when she tackled a little girl at a park for hers. FML

by Darbstar101 / 04/08/2015 at 9:00am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

by fuck you / 04/26/2015 at 4:19am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Love

Today, I went swimming. While I was walking along side of the pool, everyone was staring at me. I began to think that my diet was really working. It was only an hour later, in the changing rooms, that I noticed the string from my Tampax that was sticking out of my swimming costume. FML

by mimimi / 12/30/2008 at 1:24am / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and said I was not 'Christian enough' for her. Later I found out she had been cheating on me with my best friend. FML

by feenix89 / 02/09/2009 at 6:41pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.