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Today, my sister, who knows I'm severely afraid of heights, got me tickets to sky dive for my birthday. When I reminded her of my fear, she stated that she forgot and should just keep them for herself and her boyfriend. My mom agreed. FML

by PartTimePrincess / 09/10/2013 at 10:56am / United States / Money

Today, the boy who loved me and left me literally became the poster boy for my college. His picture is on the home page of the college website and on a banner in the cafeteria where I eat every day. FML

by justonce / 09/23/2013 at 6:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I got paired up with a coworker for a three-month project. All he talks about is how attractive my girlfriend is and what he would do with her. FML

by 3 More Months / 09/30/2013 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was telling my friends a story. I added a few "embellishments" to make it more intense. One my friends piped up with, "I was with you, half of what you just said wasn't true". It's now all over Facebook and I'm known as "The Bullshitter". FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2013 at 6:39am / Miscellaneous

Today, I set up a motion-activated sprinkler to drench the neighborhood kids who have been ding dong ditching me for years. Because they cannot get close enough to ring the doorbell, they decided to start egging me instead. FML

by Kyle / 12/03/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML

by dantko / 01/01/2014 at 12:04am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, an old man wanted to give me a tip for bagging his groceries. He slipped some money as deep into my pocket as he could, stroking my thigh for a few long seconds in the process, then he gave me a creepy smile and winked before walking away. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2014 at 3:00pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, while on the highway, a guy in a truck sped up to pass me. He was hauling a trailer, which hit me and ran me off the road. I called the cops and followed him all the way into town, where the cops pulled him over. They let him go without even a ticket, because, "He didn't know he hit you." FML

by Off_Road / 06/04/2014 at 3:30pm / United States (Alaska) / Transportation

Today, I found out our newborn snores worse than his father. FML

by bananna / 05/29/2014 at 11:18am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, at my local amusement park, I decided it'd be fun to meet someone on the roller coaster by sitting alone and hoping that someone nice would sit next to me. I rode the roller coaster 7 times. I sat alone each time. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2014 at 3:40pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my son has been trying to save enough of his earwax to make a candle. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend laid his head on my bare chest and said, "You're like my mother." FML

by motherlover / 08/05/2014 at 12:40am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 11:19am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy