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The all-time greatest FMLs

Deadbeat or denial?

By Anonymous - 04/09/2023 07:30

Today, through my Ring doorbell I saw a pregnant woman knock on the door for my son and claim the baby was his. He just said to her, "No it’s not", then shut the door in her face. She left before I could get there. The little bastard won’t tell me her name or phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 235

Alexa, play "Blue Christmas" by Low

By Anonymous - 25/12/2023 20:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I had the worst Xmas of my life. My wife has been screeching all day about my ex-wife being at a party, As if I invited her, or even had any knowledge of her being there. I even had to go outside to hide my tears of anger and frustration. This has been going on for 30 years now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 245

Tick tock tick tock

By Anonymous - 12/01/2024 08:00 - Germany

Today, I was just released from hospital after a heart attack. As a 37 year-old woman with healthy habits and no family history of heart issues, the doctors have no idea why it happened. So instead of telling me how to change my lifestyle, they told me to proceed as usual, and hope that it doesn't happen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 119

Have a nice day!

By Angelica - 21/11/2023 00:00

Today, a customer told me to go to the “fucking border back to illegal immigrant land” and that he can’t wait to “put Trump back in office” so he can get rid of “incompetent ass Mexican bitches” like me. What did I do to cause this? Tell him that we were out of a sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 133

Tears for Fears

By Mike - 25/03/2021 00:30

Today, I realized that not only do I dream about sleeping or passing out, but that those are the best ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 102

The eternal argument

By Annoyed atheist - 07/05/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, I was watching the episode of New Amsterdam where a man's cancer goes into remission very abruptly. As the doctors wonder how the hell that's possible, my mom says, "God." Okay. So if this "God" controls what happens to your body, why is cancer still a thing? My mom is no longer religious. She's delusional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 305

Needs a follow up

By Anonymous - 18/09/2023 00:02

Today, I was told the reason for me getting evicted without notice is because I unnecessarily threw a fit that the dog my roommate got wasn't the one I wanted. I pointed out my anaphylaxis to my landlord and she asked, "That’s hypochondria, right?" I’m still getting evicted without notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 163

By Ina - 22/03/2009 09:52 - France

Today, a piece of candy thrown from the top of the Eiffel Tower broke one of the lenses of my glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 41

Butt of the joke

By Fuck this - 11/09/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend screamed at me for "disciplining" her son, saying, "You're not his father!" I've lived with them for two years, supporting them, while his real father is off shooting up heroin, but sure, I'm out of line for telling the little brat that I don't like being called "Butt-crack." FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 123

Life choices

By Anonymous - 07/07/2023 00:02 - Germany

Today, my man comes from a rich family but he doesn’t get along with them too well, and considers himself “blue collar by choice”. Apparently this entails forgetting basic human dress code, like it being a bad idea to wear a black shirt, unbuttoned, untucked, and with cargo pants for his new high-level office job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 230

Work together!

By Anonymous - 09/12/2020 05:01 - Germany - Norden

Today, our cats got in a serious fight about the rights to some prime mousing territory. The territory in question? Our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 134

Eleven Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 21:30 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I recently broke up with a girl I care greatly about to spare her having to deal with my mental health issues. Facebook keeps updating me with everything she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 872

Class dismissed

By Anonymous - 27/05/2021 08:01

Today, I was watching porn with no headphones, because my roommate had left for work. He didn’t fill me in that his girlfriend was, one, even over at our place, and two was using the room next to me to teach her third grade class. Yeah. I’m going to get headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 1 195

Caught spunk-handed

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 23:01

Today, I was watching porn in the living room with the volume turned up, because I was under the impression that my family had already left for vacation. It turns out my cousin and his girlfriend were upstairs the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 2 276

Volunteering gone too far

By Tattooed and Sexy - 18/06/2023 22:00

Today, I volunteered at a 50 km trail race for charity and was at the service of a walker. It was fun until after the walk was completed, when he made me take off his boots and socks, and massage his big, super stinky, sweaty bare feet. His putrid feet were inches from my face the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 233

Mixed signals

By marie - 28/08/2023 16:00

Today, my boyfriend surprised me with a bouquet of flowers he'd picked himself. This would’ve been romantic, had they not all been Poison Hemlock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 120

The customer is always right

By meiju - 24/07/2022 12:00

Today, my boss is beginning to hate me. Why? Because people keep coming to my register with one or two dollars worth of stuff, then paying for it with hundred dollar bills, ignoring the sign saying not to do that. I’ve had to ask him to refill my till after every transaction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 438

Freaked out

By The Buzzing - 28/07/2022 14:00 - United States

Today, after going on a fly-killing spree all around my house, I had the most ridiculous nightmare where I was terrorized by a fly that looked like it was having a seizure whenever it was flying. When it landed on my arm, I woke up and felt a strange sensation on my arm. Great, I didn't want to sleep anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 170

Meme life

By Anonymous - 02/02/2023 22:00

Today, I tripped on an actual banana peel and fell over in front of my crush. I'm pretty sure that's the closest I'll ever come to being a meme. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 148

Strike while the iron is hot

By Hatim - 04/04/2023 06:00 - United Arab Emirates - Sharjah

Today, I had an appointment with my dentist to check for cavities. He told me that most of my teeth have cavities, and that I may need a root canal. In fact, I ended up actually getting a painful root canal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 199

Earplugs

By Anonymous - 22/07/2023 03:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, at around 12 a.m. I went to bed, happy that I get to sleep in because I had nowhere be in the morning. Sadly that came to an end when I woke up around 7 a.m. to my mom coming home and screaming because she saw a mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 95

Gaslighting 101

By Anon - 25/09/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, I volunteered to be a "mentally stable" person in a psychology experiment at my university. Little did I know, they'd paired me with a psychology grad student who asked me a series of increasingly bizarre and personal questions about my life. I ended up questioning my own sanity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 163

Lonely dude

By Anonymous - 07/10/2023 00:02 - India

Today, after my boss asked me to work late on a Friday and I'd agreed, thinking it would show him my dedication to the corporation, I got to the office. I realized after a while that I was the only one there, and the building's security system had locked me in. I spent my Friday night talking to our office goldfish in an empty row of cubicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 203

Warm holiday glow

By Anonymous - 28/11/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I found out my husband’s former mistress is going to be at Thanksgiving dinner. Why? Because his idiot brother married the tramp AFTER the affair came to light. So now not only is the whore my sister-in-law, she’s being included in every family gathering henceforth. Fuck this family and… FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 219

Overrated

By Guessmynameismarythenhuh - 17/04/2022 06:00

Today, out of pure boredom, I decided to listen to the soundtrack from a musical. When I got to the love song, I thought about my anxiety and where I stood with this one guy, and ended up crying to myself. The musical was Jesus Christ Superstar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 292

Thirst post

By No luck - 22/09/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, it’s been so long since I’ve had sex I’m seriously considering hiring a professional if you catch my drift. I try to put myself out there but I’m so self-conscious about my mastectomy scars that the thought of anyone seeing me naked sends me into a heaving sobbing anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 149

Not gonna happen

By notahotel - 10/06/2026 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my parents are calling me a spoilt brat and threatening to disown me if I don't let my sister, her six kids, and freshly out of jail boyfriend move into the house I spent 10 years working my ass off to buy without having a mortgage. Sis said I can sleep on the lounge as long as I pay rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 61

Red tape bullcrap

By Learn to read people - 05/01/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, my kids and I starved during the holidays because of the incompetent case workers at the food stamp office. I was denied because according to them, I make $1200 a week of unemployment. They put what I make monthly as weekly on their end. Their apology? “Sorry, you have to apply again.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 257

Let it lie

By Anonymous - 16/11/2021 14:00

Today, I was so happy to be divorced from my asshole husband, I threw my ring off the bridge near the park where we met. As I was walking away, a diver surfaced, yelled, “I think you dropped this, miss” and threw the ring back at me. I can't catch a break today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 1 328

Tasty snack

By Anonymous - 16/07/2023 18:00 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, I showered with my favorite soaps, and I used my favorite perfumes and lotions too. I layered my scents to get a nice fruity, girly scent, which helps boosts my confidence. My husband walked in the bedroom when I was done and said that it smelled like cheesy garlic bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 452

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The Top

Today, my boss told me that if I didn't become his neighbor on Farmville I wouldn't have a job. I laughed. He didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 735

You deserved it 2 942

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 852

You deserved it 8 877

Today, I found a notebook labeled "IMPORTANT INFO" in my boyfriend's nightstand. Looking in, I saw he'd written down a bunch of information about me, like my birthday and things I like. When I asked, he said, "I'm forgetful and didn't want to accidentally be a dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 1 760

Today, I got a pay bonus and spend it on paying for 12 months of car registration up-front for the first time in my life, filled the tank, and got it professionally washed. After all that, I accidentally reversed into my own house, causing major damage. I have to borrow the money for the insurance excess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 674

Today, I shut the door to the bedroom so my wife and I could have a serious talk. Unfortunately, the cat stuck his paw under the door and started flailing around, causing me to bust up laughing at a bad moment. My wife was furious, threw a water bottle at me, and locked me out overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 245

Today, I tried to sneak some cookies out of the pantry without my dog noticing. I dropped one, and now he thinks that every time I open the pantry, it’s snack time. He won’t stop barking at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 193