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Today, I realized the senior thesis I turned in last week uses the word "asses" instead of "assess" 17 times. FML

by fuckspellcheck / 04/28/2009 at 2:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2015 at 9:50pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a heart attack. In the hospital the doctor compared my heart to that of a stressed out 60 year-old's. I'm 17 and I don't even have a job yet. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2016 at 11:39am / Health

Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML

by Loveless / 09/10/2009 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML

by Danny / 01/07/2012 at 5:27am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I was at work, reading some funny stories on my phone. Just as one of my co-workers decided to share that his father had passed away recently, I burst into uncontrollable, teary-eyed laughter at a story. They don't believe my explanation, and have branded me the office asshole. FML

by Anonymous / 06/05/2012 at 2:47pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Work

Today, I was rejected from the college of my dreams. I am now the only kid in 5 generations on my dad's side and 3 on my mom's to not get accepted and go to this school. FML

Today, I finally scrounged up enough change to do laundry, so I loaded up my car, swung by the bank to take out my rent money, and stopped at a gas station to get a drink. When I came outside, my car was gone, along with all my clothes and rent money. FML

by CaptainKidd / 01/29/2016 at 9:34pm / United States (Arkansas) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked into my roommate's room to ask him a question, only to see a pitcher with over a pint of urine in it sitting on his bookcase. This is at least the fifth conversation in a year I've had with him about not peeing in containers in his room. FML

by notestojenn / 07/04/2012 at 10:55pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was driving home. I desperately needed the bathroom, so I was speeding a little bit. A cop pulled me over and gave me hell. He said he'd heard my story a hundred times and didn't believe me. I couldn't hold it and ended up marinating in my own piss while he ran my plates. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2015 at 1:25pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML

by sharky / 10/05/2012 at 4:25pm / United States / Health

Today, I was at work, stocking shelves. A customer got mad because I was in the way of her "shopping time" and knocked down all the work I had done. FML

by tired of my job / 10/29/2015 at 4:33am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, my boss/husband fired me from my job because I didn't sleep with him last night. FML

by Liz / 03/26/2016 at 3:26pm / United States (California) / Work