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Today, I was so bored I began practicing an irish jig. For two hours. FML

#14847206
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9844) - you deserved it (23296)

On 02/05/2011 at 12:29am - misc - by Youdontneed2knowmyname - United States (California)

Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML

#2663554
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9845) - you deserved it (77006)

On 06/06/2009 at 3:44pm - health - by thedogkisser (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML

#18306408
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9838) - you deserved it (41589)

On 11/21/2011 at 9:34am - health - by bad karma (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML

#16867812
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9836) - you deserved it (24419)

On 06/26/2011 at 4:47pm - kids - by Mommy - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was texting while making dinner. I went to pour the noodles into the boiling water and I dropped my phone in. Not thinking, I went to retrieve it from the water. I now have a completely useless phone and a useless hand. FML

#6262427
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9829) - you deserved it (34249)

On 11/11/2009 at 7:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML

#844380
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9828) - you deserved it (90763)

On 04/06/2009 at 10:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while babysitting I decided to play with a children's puzzle to pass the time. Fifteen minutes in I gave up. The kid then came over and put it together in less than five. There were only ten pieces. FML

#16481636
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9828) - you deserved it (54174)

On 06/03/2011 at 10:04am - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I handed my resume in to a cafe that was hiring. I returned home and noticed a voicemail, it was one from the boss for a trial. I eagerly returned the call, showing my enthusiasm. Without thinking, I ended with "ok love you. *GASP* ah, BYE" and quickly hung up. FML

#6774546
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9827) - you deserved it (23222)

On 12/16/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by babyfatt - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to let me give her a foot massage after she had a long day at work. Halfway through, she fell asleep. Wanting to see how ticklish she actually was, I started to tickle her feet. She then kicked me straight in the nuts whilst sleeping. FML

Today, I picked up a broken piece of seemingly velvety cactus to show my mom. I now have a million microscopic, painful splinters in my fingers. FML

Today, I thought it would be funny to pee on a small bug in the toilet. A much larger bug thought it would be funny to fly into my eye while I was doing this. FML

#19434982
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9825) - you deserved it (32223)

On 04/09/2012 at 4:28am - animals - by stupidbug. (man) - Canada

Today, I asked a coworker what she'd bought her dad for father's day. She said that she got him some flowers, and I laughed because I thought it was a rather feminine gift for a man. I later found out that the flowers were for his grave. FML

#19812720
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9822) - you deserved it (49109)

On 06/19/2012 at 1:20pm - work - by hc11bmd (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while in the store with my kids, they wanted to buy tampons because I am "getting cranky, and it should be that time of the month." FML

#19988318
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9817) - you deserved it (18896)

On 07/28/2012 at 12:17am - kids - by love_to_live - United States (Wisconsin)



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