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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

#4903891
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12253) - you deserved it (62499)

On 08/29/2009 at 11:13am - love - by coolhand (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, moments after leaving early, my boss emails me asking if I'm in the office. After an illegal U-turn, running a stop sign, parking in a visitor spot, and sneaking back to my desk, I find out she was locked out of the building but had since found her keys and let herself back in. FML

#1008
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12249) - you deserved it (8830)

On 01/12/2009 at 3:34pm - work - by Leaving Early Fail - United States (California)

Today, I was walking out of the train station when an old man grabbed me. I started screaming, yelling, "HELP" like a madwoman and tried pushing him away - that's when I saw the golf cart rush past me. He was trying to push me aside from getting run over. Everyone started laughing. FML

#1651760
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12246) - you deserved it (51482)

On 05/05/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by station (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I parked downtown for a few minutes to pick up a pizza. As I was getting out of my car, a sketchy guy came up and asked me for $5. I told him to get lost and walked away. I walked back to the lot with my pizza and my car was gone. The sketchy guy was a parking attendent. He had my car towed. FML

#1251625
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12244) - you deserved it (64351)

On 04/23/2009 at 9:25am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML

#8621697
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12241) - you deserved it (23727)

On 02/24/2010 at 7:29pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, while installing a deadbolt on my closet, I did it wrong. It closed but wouldn't lock so I had to re-install it. Sitting on the floor of my closet, I shut it to make sure it was installed correctly. I locked myself in for twenty minutes, home alone, before kicking the door down. FML

Today, I locked myself out of my car. While walking home to retrieve the spare, I realized I locked my house keys inside the house this morning. Now I must decide whether to break into my house or car. FML

#13158298
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12231) - you deserved it (22769)

On 09/22/2010 at 4:39pm - misc - by artmfanforever - United States (Nebraska)

Today, an unpaid intern had his first day at my workplace of seven years. As a joke, my boss gave him the same challenge she gave me on my first day. The intern completed it in 37 minutes. We've always been told it's impossible. Guess we all have to start working harder. FML

Today, I made a tuna sandwich. It was really nice , so I looked at the label to see what brand it was. Turns out it wasn't tuna. It was fancy cat food. FML

#5636942
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12222) - you deserved it (40810)

On 10/04/2009 at 3:50am - animals - by Rizzle (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend what she got me for my half birthday, to which she replied "A baby." She was serious. FML

Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML

#7774982
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12213) - you deserved it (23198)

On 02/01/2010 at 7:36am - misc - by wilsmith (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML

#14265623
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12213) - you deserved it (20722)

On 12/19/2010 at 10:41pm - misc - by fakelaugher (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while cleaning around the house, I found a black bra that wasn’t mine. I confronted my husband about it, which turned into a massive fight. It turned out that the bra actually belonged to my son’s girlfriend I didn’t know he had. FML

#8088886
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12212) - you deserved it (25844)

On 02/10/2010 at 12:24pm - kids - by Anonymous - Lebanon (Beyrouth)



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