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Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2015 at 9:50pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend showed me a print of a Banksy that she'd just bought, telling me it was an original. When I tried to argue that it wasn't, she broke up with me for "implying she was a moron." FML

by Single / 12/04/2012 at 11:17am / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Love

Today, my 12 and 14 year olds told me they'll be doing whatever they like from now on and there will be no rules or bedtime, otherwise they'll tell their teachers that my husband and I abuse them. Where did I go wrong? FML

by Anonymous / 04/08/2016 at 5:43pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I got out of bed and went downstairs in my boxers to get a glass of water. I entered the kitchen and said hi to my visiting mother-in-law, who smiled. Only after a good ten minutes did she decide to tell me that my "wanker-stick" was hanging from a gap in my boxers. FML

by kappaomicron / 01/19/2010 at 6:18pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I work on a cruise ship, and I just learned that we have a morgue on board. How did I learn that? It's right next to the crew laundry room, and I opened the wrong door. It was occupied. FML

by CircusSea / 11/04/2012 at 7:02pm / Puerto Rico / Work

Today, at a baseball game, I smiled and waved at the little girl in front of me. She cried. FML

by Liamj774 / 07/29/2015 at 9:42pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I swear I couldn't help it when the words "Wow, I bet you really regret that haircut." came out of my mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2014 at 3:30am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to face my fear of horror movies by promising to hold my hand through the entire flick. He fell asleep 10 minutes into it, farting and snoring in his sleep, whilst I was paralysed by fear. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2015 at 4:50pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

by air / 07/13/2009 at 5:17am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, my tire blew while I was on the freeway. I had to change the tire in pouring rain while wearing short shorts and flip-flops. No one stopped to help, but several people politely honked as if to remind me of my misfortune. FML

by wonder woman / 09/08/2012 at 12:47am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML

by time to buy a gun / 11/01/2015 at 11:22pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Animals

Today, I was at work, stocking shelves. A customer got mad because I was in the way of her "shopping time" and knocked down all the work I had done. FML

by tired of my job / 10/29/2015 at 4:33am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend over Skype. I said I loved her and hoped we would be together forever. She responded by singing Who Wants to Live Forever into her mic. FML

by callen5 / 03/10/2012 at 10:16am / United States (Illinois) / Love