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Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML

#2039933
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16795) - you deserved it (53744)

On 05/18/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by nothing (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML

#457666
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16794) - you deserved it (69849)

On 03/19/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by icantdrive (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I managed to stab myself with a knife while trying to open something without a can opener. After getting stitches and returning back home, I went to make a cup of coffee. I found the can opener in the cutlery drawer. FML

#15576285
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16792) - you deserved it (26695)

On 03/31/2011 at 3:18pm - misc - by nicky (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

#16689937
507 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16792) - you deserved it (227252)

On 06/16/2011 at 2:20am - intimacy - by crushed dreams - United States

Today, I was talking with a close friend (who is a virgin) about why he did not want to have sex with a prostitute. He told me that "It's not nice to know that the girl you are having sex with has slept with half the country", he then added "That is exactly why I would not have sex with you". FML

#4307488
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16790) - you deserved it (59444)

On 08/05/2009 at 12:29pm - intimacy - by unlucky (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I was coming home from a date, I saw my ex standing in my drive-way. He had dumped me 2 months ago saying he couldn't talk me. To make him jealous, I made out with my new guy before greeting him. Turns out he couldn't talk to me because he had had cancer and had been afraid to tell me. FML

#3469762
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16784) - you deserved it (71470)

On 07/04/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Foster_Em - United States (Ohio)

Today, I met a new client in person for the first time. When I went to shake his hand, it was made of plastic. Startled, I laughed thinking it was a practical joke. It wasn't. FML

#813501
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16782) - you deserved it (59644)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:48am - work - by HDCkid (man) - United States (California)

Today, I slept for the first time with my boyfriend. I'd always imagined it to be a romantic moment. It turned out that 'Saw 5' was on the TV in the background, and the sex was so fantastically tragic that I ended up watching/listening to it, on the sly. FML

#5618437
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16779) - you deserved it (3502)

On 10/03/2009 at 8:20am - intimacy - by lauz (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I finally got my yearbook for senior year in high school. I started what everyone does, which is count how many times I appear in the yearbook. I stopped when I found a prominent photo of me, picking my nose in class. FML

#3305444
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16768) - you deserved it (47074)

On 06/28/2009 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML

#1694446
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16767) - you deserved it (127889)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by FakeID (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML

#499
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16766) - you deserved it (9885)

On 12/12/2008 at 1:05am - misc - by Jumanji - Sent from mobile version

Today, I contemplated the ratio of cats I have to friends I have. I need more friends. FML

#20122007
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16766) - you deserved it (4843)

On 10/18/2012 at 1:33am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, instead of staying home, I took an hour-long bus ride in the middle of the night to my girlfriend's place because on the phone she said, "I desperately need your body right now". It turned out she was just cold. She is also on her period. FML

#20037577
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16763) - you deserved it (31574)

On 08/23/2012 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by Rotarius (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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