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Today, at an elementary school a girl showed me her grandma's obituary in the paper and started crying. To stop her from crying I made things out of the rest of the paper, later she asked me where her grandma's obituary was. I accidentally made it into a hat, with lots of tape. FML

#2509070
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9082) - you deserved it (47495)

On 06/01/2009 at 7:42pm - misc - by thechad_144 - United States (Washington)

Today, my friends and I were hanging out when we thought it would be cool to set off a few fireworks. Nothing burns quite like the hair on the left side of your head. FML

#11450736
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9083) - you deserved it (35733)

On 06/25/2010 at 12:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I stepped outside for a smoke. It was 1 a.m. Thinking no one was around, I let out a series of loud, nasty-sounding farts. I looked over to my left to see the neighbor, whom I've never met, also smoking, and staring at me. That was his first impression of me. FML

#6915702
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9079) - you deserved it (29064)

On 12/24/2009 at 2:00am - misc - by FlGirl (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was working at a restaurant. This guy comes up to the counter and asks if he could have some toothpicks. I told him they were right in front of him. He said "Sorry, I'm blind." Thinking it was a joke, I laughed until he said "No, seriously." FML

#12970630
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9079) - you deserved it (32377)

On 09/08/2010 at 11:35pm - work - by imaqtb (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents set up out the back so we decided to go in one. When we came out we got weird looks. It turns out my friend had turned on some lights behind the tent, showing a huge silhouette of me giving head. FML

#5102610
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9076) - you deserved it (29979)

On 09/07/2009 at 10:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

#6318323
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9073) - you deserved it (25811)

On 11/15/2009 at 10:00pm - health - by proteinboy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that standing next to a hobo doesn't make me look better in comparison, but instead just makes me seem like a hobo as well. FML

#14862794
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9071) - you deserved it (26771)

On 02/06/2011 at 2:37am - money - by 7rafe7 (man) - United States

Today, after burning all my past-papers, books and notes in celebration of finishing maths forever, I found out I have to re-take my maths exam to get the minimum grade for college. FML

#6491389
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9069) - you deserved it (43877)

On 11/28/2009 at 5:16am - misc - by NickC - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, at work I was talking to a co-worker about what a slacker my manager was, and how all she did was stand around and talk. She was standing behind me the whole time. I now have sore nuts due to a direct hit from a broom handle. FML

#17323826
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9069) - you deserved it (30034)

On 07/31/2011 at 8:07pm - work - by MikeMorin18 - United States

Today, I got so drunk that I decided it was a good idea to get naked and jump on a trampoline in the back of a neighbour’s garden. Said neighbour is a police officer. FML

#20438400
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9069) - you deserved it (41243)

On 01/02/2013 at 10:01am - misc - by AmberHavoc - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking with and hugging my girlfriend at the same time. I tried to be funny and touched her breast, saying "Boob" in a silly voice. In reply, she slapped me in the crotch, saying "Dick" in the same voice. FML

#13921347
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9068) - you deserved it (58979)

On 11/21/2010 at 3:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Mexico (Morelos)

Today, I woke up extremely hungover next to a guy I have been in love with for a while but hadn't seen for ages. Turns out he had a bet going with his mates. He bet he could get me to sleep with him straight away even after not calling me for a month. He was right. FML

#6131702
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9064) - you deserved it (23901)

On 11/03/2009 at 4:25am - intimacy - by Lovestupid (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I was on AIM talking to a really cute guy, whom I've had a crush on for forever, when he asked me to video chat. I got so excited and immediately pressed accept, without thinking. Not until he started screaming and cursing did I realize that I was still using my laptop on the toilet. FML

#6753544
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9063) - you deserved it (57917)

On 12/14/2009 at 6:26pm - love - by toiletgirl (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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