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Today, my toaster scared me. Again. FML

#18784375
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14289) - you deserved it (24594)

On 01/12/2012 at 11:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Armagh)

Today, while I was trying to explain to my friend how smoking weed everyday doesn't make you stupid, I forgot what I was talking about mid-sentence. FML

#16077554
481 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14286) - you deserved it (84461)

On 05/07/2011 at 11:29am - misc - by BCBUDDY - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

#138318
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14285) - you deserved it (68720)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:01pm - intimacy - by banana (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had a job interview but couldn't find my car keys. I had searched the entire apartment and had missed the interview. Turns out they were in my pocket the entire time. FML

#2989467
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14282) - you deserved it (49224)

On 06/18/2009 at 6:37am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML

#17603044
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14281) - you deserved it (38816)

On 08/28/2011 at 7:29am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, at work I grabbed some customer keys off the board. I was checking out their cool flashlight keychain. At the exact moment I realized it wasn't a keychain, I pepper sprayed myself directly in the right eye. FML

Today, I took my four year old son to the playground. When it was time to go, he squirmed out of my arms back to the jungle gym. Not being the type of mother to put up with bad behavior, I swatted his rear and told him we had to go. That's when I realized I'd just spanked the wrong child who was wearing the same coat as my son. FML

#13726348
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14276) - you deserved it (44270)

On 11/05/2010 at 1:29pm - kids - by lilmamma - United States (California)

Today, I made a fake MySpace so that I could flirt with my boyfriend and see what he would do. He ended up dumping me for the fake MySpace girl. FML

#7304615
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14269) - you deserved it (45331)

On 01/12/2010 at 7:03pm - love - by BetterThanFake (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I ran into a guy who I was completely in love with for months. After a couple of minutes, I realised he totally bores me senseless. What a waste of 4 months obsessing over that shithead. FML

#15872147
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14261) - you deserved it (59087)

On 04/21/2011 at 10:44am - love - by EmDa (woman) - India

Today, I was singing the National Anthem at a school game and totally forgot the words. So I kept singing the same two lines over and over. FML

#18788734
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14257) - you deserved it (29943)

On 01/12/2012 at 8:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML

#4402350
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14256) - you deserved it (51154)

On 08/09/2009 at 3:28am - kids - by mochiko (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized my self confidence is based on the amount of "likes" I have on my Facebook statuses. FML

#18823923
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14256) - you deserved it (33488)

On 01/16/2012 at 11:10am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards, he said he was in love with me and that he wants to be with me forever. It was also at this time I realised that I can't stand him. FML

#18761652
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14249) - you deserved it (33930)

On 01/09/2012 at 10:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia



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