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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was racing my friends to the car for shotgun in the parking lot at night. I opened the passenger door of the car to find an old lady staring at me. It was the wrong car. FML

#20427324
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12972) - you deserved it (31419)

On 12/28/2012 at 3:14am - misc - by Anon - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I saw my dad's friend across the street working on my neighbor's roof. To continue the airsoft war we'd been having I shot at him with the sniper gun I bought. I hit him, and he fell off the roof. I ran over to see if he was ok. It wasn't my dad's friend. FML

#15431141
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12971) - you deserved it (47500)

On 03/22/2011 at 12:31pm - misc - by FailedSniper (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I called my seven-year old son to help me with the ice-maker on the fridge because it wasn't working. Without even pausing, he turned the child lock off and started laughing at me. FML

#17260733
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12968) - you deserved it (34540)

On 07/25/2011 at 11:19pm - kids - by unnamed - United States (California)

Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking and I jokingly stated "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML

#13180863
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12961) - you deserved it (69174)

On 09/24/2010 at 7:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, at the end of a night of heavy drinking, I decided it was a good idea to go off into the park with a friend of mine. We ended up fooling around in the park, when a couple of kids stole our clothes. We had to walk back to town with no clothes on. FML

#3792630
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12955) - you deserved it (68103)

On 07/16/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was talking to this really nice guy who likes me, and he tells me he's packing. I asked him where he was going, he said Puerto Rico. And I said "LUCKY!" He replied "it's for the funeral". I forgot his grandma had died. FML

#429939
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12954) - you deserved it (57241)

On 03/17/2009 at 11:40pm - misc - by natalieeee (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, whilst driving past a cyclist, I thought it would be funny to make him jump by blasting my horn right behind him and then driving off. I guess he thought it would be funny to catch up with me, yank off my wing-mirror, and hurl it through the open window at my face. FML

Today, while pensively thinking up my next awesome Facebook status over dinner, I finally came to the conclusion that I need to get a life. FML

#15165493
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12937) - you deserved it (36261)

On 03/01/2011 at 6:18pm - health - by Baileyy - United States

Today, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. It was a man with a speech impediment, and I began imitating him. He was the manager of a store I applied at. He wanted to arrange an interview. FML

#2237566
421 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12933) - you deserved it (217495)

On 05/24/2009 at 10:50am - work - by oopsie (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got into my boyfriends car having to pee really badly. I accidentally peed everywhere. He kicked me out. I had to walk four miles home in 20 degree weather. In wet clothes. FML

#8592124
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12934) - you deserved it (39735)

On 02/23/2010 at 5:10pm - misc - by whyme_ss - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I overheard a conversation two of my friends were having about Homer, so I interjected with a quip about a Simpson's episode I had seen before. They were talking about the poet. I'm an AP literature student. FML

#718521
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12932) - you deserved it (66053)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by apenglishstudent (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was trying to look cute in front of this really nice guy. I sure hope he thinks smacking into a pole, rebounding backwards and knocking over an old man is cute. FML

#5325412
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12931) - you deserved it (29482)

On 09/18/2009 at 12:14am - love - by mudafkrmas (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML

#5679809
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12927) - you deserved it (42629)

On 10/06/2009 at 9:01am - health - by ticked (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)



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