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Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriends house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

#3718923
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10942) - you deserved it (52743)

On 07/13/2009 at 3:06pm - love - by Matt (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I injured my knee and dislocated my shoulder fighting over a cookie with my brother. He's 14. I'm 26. He still got the cookie. FML

#12818513
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10941) - you deserved it (32853)

On 08/30/2010 at 6:34am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Oman (Masqat)

Today, I flirted with a guy for ten minutes before realizing I was sitting between him and his girlfriend. FML

#14881953
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10940) - you deserved it (38475)

On 02/07/2011 at 12:41pm - love - by Lindsay (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

#20171052
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10940) - you deserved it (26328)

On 11/20/2012 at 2:45pm - misc - by babyblues (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after I sent around 300 entries to a competition hosted by a deodorant company where the main prize is a trip to Hawaii, spending around 5 hours sending the entries, I won a deodorant. FML

#18526839
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10939) - you deserved it (32687)

On 12/16/2011 at 9:59am - money - by mr.nobody (woman) - Cyprus (Nicosia)

Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML

#7698820
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10937) - you deserved it (31918)

On 01/30/2010 at 3:47am - misc - by Wowsers. (woman) - United Kingdom (Blackpool)

Today, we were having a family get together at my house. Because of this, i had to mow our lawn to make sure it looked nice. I got a little bored and decided it would be funny to cut a rather large penis into my yard. right when i finished, i ran out of gas. My 83 year old grandmother saw. FML

#1347593
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10934) - you deserved it (76348)

On 04/26/2009 at 4:12am - misc - by waltzy777 - United States (Indiana)

Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML

#20125076
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10933) - you deserved it (35003)

On 10/20/2012 at 9:57am - intimacy - by MIND BLOWING - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML

#19566058
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10931) - you deserved it (27061)

On 05/02/2012 at 10:39pm - money - by Optimus_Prime97 - United States

Today, I learned that you should never, ever, under any circumstance, take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night. FML

#11281809
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10930) - you deserved it (51121)

On 06/18/2010 at 1:42am - health - by emilygreeny - United States

Today, I saw two cute girls walking my way as I was parking my car. Trying to impress them, I got out and attempted to coolly walk to the sidewalk. I tripped on the curb, scraped both my knees, and was laughed at all the way until I got back inside my car. FML

#12724664
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10929) - you deserved it (31281)

On 08/24/2010 at 6:36pm - love - by iammike (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw a girl texting at school. I told her she might want to put her phone away before she got a detention. She turned around and I saw she was changing her insulin level on her pump. She has diabetes. FML

#112568
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10926) - you deserved it (50990)

On 02/23/2009 at 9:41am - health - by kcd (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I cleaned my house after a big party. Everything was great when my parents came home. Except for the bottle of hot and spicy mustard next to the shampoo in the shower. No one knows how it got there. I'm busted because of mustard. FML

#4155760
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10925) - you deserved it (36282)

On 07/30/2009 at 6:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York) - moderated by the Jackass crew



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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