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Today, I had finally summoned the courage to break up with my boyfriend, something I've needed to do for a long time. Right before my speech, he presented me with tickets to my favorite band a month from now. FML

#21471255
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23372) - you deserved it (5624)

On 09/21/2015 at 10:47pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my best friend's house, listening to him complain about his mother remembering all the bad stuff he did when he was in high school. I jokingly said, "An elephant never forgets." Guess who was behind me. FML

#21413204
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23365) - you deserved it (10217)

On 05/20/2015 at 7:21pm - misc - by BannedfromFriend - United States

Today, at the gym, I realized the guy who has been staring at me for the past 3 days is the same guy I promised to text back 5 months ago. FML

#20954898
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23364) - you deserved it (47616)

On 11/12/2013 at 6:18am - love - by awkwardencounters - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I started the job of my dreams. Our first marketing meeting was an in-depth analysis of the phrase, "Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate". I have a 5 year contract. FML

#19611170
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23363) - you deserved it (4354)

On 05/12/2012 at 10:36am - work - by picklet (woman) - Malaysia (Negeri Sembilan)

Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML

#19862258
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23362) - you deserved it (3770)

On 06/28/2012 at 7:44pm - misc - by zombieguyswife (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I walked face first into a near-invisible spiderweb. There's nothing worse than the feeling of a spider web wrapped around your face. Except maybe the feeling of the spider that saw my screaming mouth as a good hiding spot. FML

#21470809
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23361) - you deserved it (1998)

On 09/20/2015 at 11:00pm - animals - by spiderlady - United States

Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML

#21457895
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23361) - you deserved it (2531)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, a small kid looked at me, screamed in terror, and hid behind his dad. I was just walking down the same aisle in the store. This is far from the first time it's happened. FML

#20051755
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23360) - you deserved it (2975)

On 09/01/2012 at 12:07am - kids - by KidKillah - United States (California)

Today, I ran across the street due to a line of cars waiting for me to cross. Just as I reached the other side, my iPhone slipped out of my hand and fell into the road, just in time to get run over by multiple cars, one after the other. FML

#20181219
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23359) - you deserved it (7057)

On 11/27/2012 at 1:45pm - misc - by unknown - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

#20454623
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23358) - you deserved it (38486)

On 01/12/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by nean83 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

#7162537
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23357) - you deserved it (3530)

On 01/05/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by me (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML

#19820336
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23353) - you deserved it (3787)

On 06/20/2012 at 7:27pm - misc - by punchedhelper (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

#21495080
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23354) - you deserved it (2153)

On 11/21/2015 at 5:03am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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