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Today, I learned that lemonade and urine look very similar to one another. I also learned that they taste very different. FML

#19183554
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15700) - you deserved it (21158)

On 02/28/2012 at 5:44pm - misc - by iVaughtTV - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had some hot phone sex with my long-distance girlfriend. Half-way through, my mom stormed in, and told me I was disgusting and sick for doing it in the same room as my brother. I forgot about the baby monitor. FML

#16019768
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15695) - you deserved it (64146)

On 05/02/2011 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by hornyloser (man) - United States (California)

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

#3373378
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15694) - you deserved it (50070)

On 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML

#8382778
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15693) - you deserved it (2201)

On 02/17/2010 at 7:30pm - intimacy - by noosher0990 -

Today, I learned that instead of training my cat, she has been training me. She now refuses to drink anything but running tap water, and yowls loudly early in the morning at my bedroom door to be fed. FML

#19773709
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15684) - you deserved it (7012)

On 06/11/2012 at 10:40pm - animals - by Anon127 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of thing. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!" FML

#2883400
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15681) - you deserved it (47216)

On 06/14/2009 at 11:54am - intimacy - by Bes (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was texting my girlfriend and asked her for a picture, expecting something provocative. She sent me a picture of her holding a positive pregnancy test. We had sex once. FML

#19758301
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15677) - you deserved it (41822)

On 06/09/2012 at 12:51am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my mom insisted on putting sunscreen on me. I closed my eyes and shut my mouth while she rubbed some on my face. Halfway through, I burped. I opened my mouth just in time to get a large glob of sunscreen in it. FML

#16851890
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15678) - you deserved it (33494)

On 06/25/2011 at 3:58pm - health - by Unberable (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend up during sex. I simultaneously collapsed and dropped her onto her coffee table. We are now both being treated at the hospital; her for glass wounds, me for a concussion. FML

#19864989
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15675) - you deserved it (27746)

On 06/29/2012 at 4:47am - intimacy - by bob (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

#20071482
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15671) - you deserved it (26015)

On 09/14/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was riding the subway home with some friends, and when I noticed something smelled awful. My friends noticed it too. After searching for the source of the smell, it became apparent that it was my breath. FML

#20096394
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15667) - you deserved it (15927)

On 10/01/2012 at 3:18am - health - by halitosis - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me that my feet smell. He was in the next room at the time. FML

#2293
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15666) - you deserved it (6824)

On 01/23/2009 at 7:04am - love - by sadass - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I text her angry, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. 5 Minutes later I get a picture message of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother saying "Shut the **** up, she had appendicitis." FML

#3361176
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15664) - you deserved it (87568)

On 06/30/2009 at 7:20am - love - by annoyedguy (man) - United States (Tennessee)



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