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Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2012 at 7:57am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Animals

Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML

by obtuse_ballsack / 06/04/2012 at 4:37pm / Croatia (Grad Zagreb) / Kids

Today, I was fired because a 10-year-old shat his pants and couldn't follow directions. FML

by dck128 / 08/29/2011 at 6:05pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML

by whydoihavecats / 08/04/2015 at 3:19pm / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, I was late for class. I have extreme social anxiety, so I quietly slipped into the huge, packed auditiorium, trying to be as quiet as possible. When I was almost to my seat, I accidentally kicked a teacher's coffee down the steps. The entire class looked at me and clapped. FML

by conspicuous / 09/12/2012 at 4:11pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the man who offered to put up the woman I love in exchange for me helping out with his rent, has in fact been her "other" boyfriend since before she moved in. FML

by Just me / 09/09/2011 at 7:48pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I was half asleep and tried to cuddle my husband as we slept. Still dreaming, he yelled for me to leave his money alone. FML

by atsukobo / 03/10/2012 at 1:04am / United States / Love

Today, I found a camera someone left at our house. I looked at the pictures, and saw my grandma in a sexy outfit. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 4:09pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I realized I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. Too bad he has never once made me orgasm in the two and a half years we've been together. FML

by jasmine / 02/23/2010 at 11:48am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML

by Maddie / 03/22/2011 at 11:39am / Health

Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML

by Gonzales / 08/07/2015 at 3:47pm / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Intimacy

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

by deucelututi / 05/31/2009 at 8:03am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight about a clogged toilet. He was yelling about not having enough money to buy a better plunger and so I stormed out to buy one myself. While pulling his truck into traffic, a car hit me causing $1000 in damage. FML

by brokeandsad / 01/03/2010 at 3:21pm / United States (New York) / Transportation