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Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

by Anonymous / 04/28/2009 at 5:01am / Singapore / Intimacy

Today, I drove my mom home from the salon because she was feeling sick. I'm not the best driver, but I was excited that I was helping. Everything was going smoothly until I hit a bump in the road. My mom blew chunks all over. I found out very quickly that she had spicy chicken for lunch. FML

by taylor_eileen / 12/26/2009 at 5:00pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, I waited in line at Subway. There were two people in front of me. The first lady had seven sandwiches and the second lady had four. So after patiently waiting, I ordered my sandwich, only to have my credit card declined. FML

by bcf1234 / 10/15/2010 at 12:06am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, it's my sixth day taking care of my family's seven animals while my parents are in Singapore. So far, I've emergency-called the vet twice, taken a dog to the vet once, and cleaned up liquid dog shit five times. FML

by KennyDidIt / 12/09/2012 at 8:18am / United States (Alabama) / Animals

Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well performed dive of the diving board, I go up and attempt my best dive. I slip just as I jump and hit my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML

by Fish / 03/19/2009 at 11:47am / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me that he sees no future with me. It's alright though, because he says we can still "coast along" until he meets someone else. FML

by screwyouchris / 10/16/2015 at 7:08pm / United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove) / Love

Today, I was late for class. I have extreme social anxiety, so I quietly slipped into the huge, packed auditiorium, trying to be as quiet as possible. When I was almost to my seat, I accidentally kicked a teacher's coffee down the steps. The entire class looked at me and clapped. FML

by conspicuous / 09/12/2012 at 4:11pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

by fuck no / 08/22/2015 at 6:18am / India (Kerala) / Intimacy

Today, I overheard a conversation between a coworker and a new employee. The new girl was trying to get familiar with people's names, and she asked my coworker, "Which one is Heather?" He answered, "The annoying one." She said, "Oh, that's Heather." I'm Heather. FML

by kaz89 / 10/28/2010 at 10:19am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my 10 year old brother won the poem contest at his school. Since then he won’t stop bugging me with them. FML

by / 11/17/2008 at 3:53am / Kids

Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML

by foutu / 02/21/2010 at 6:52am / Intimacy

Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML

by Maddie / 03/22/2011 at 11:39am / Health

Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a woman asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ?" FML

by Atheist / 03/22/2012 at 12:56am / United States (Oregon) / Work