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Saturday 9 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

#20545151
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33690) - you deserved it (2999)

On 03/15/2013 at 6:43pm - love - by forever single, I guess (man) - United States

Today, while working, I thought, "I wish my kittens could text so I can talk to them throughout the day." And then I realized, I'm that cat lady you read about. FML

#20532138
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33647) - you deserved it (13021)

On 03/05/2013 at 11:13am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I bought a textbook for my college class. Not only is the £150 book only sold by our teacher, it turned out to be a piece of shit that he obviously wrote, printed, and stapled together at home. When I went to the faculty about it, I was told it's all perfectly legal, and to drop it. FML

#20535847
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33554) - you deserved it (2818)

On 03/08/2013 at 1:44pm - money - by defrauded (woman) - United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute)

Today, my fiancée and I showed my mother-in-law a picture of the location at which we'll be holding our wedding reception. It's a beautiful waterfront building overlooking the ocean. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Looks like a good place to commit suicide." FML

#20543312
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33427) - you deserved it (2433)

On 03/14/2013 at 10:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia

Today, I moved back to my home town. My best friend and I had arranged to rent a house together that we both liked. I finished my last day at work and made the three-hour drive, only for her to break down and tell me that she isn't "ready" to move out of her parents' basement. She's 25. FML

#20540831
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33320) - you deserved it (2693)

On 03/12/2013 at 2:35pm - misc - by Hopelesshomeless (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I tried to go to my Hotmail account on my boyfriend's computer. When I typed in "hot", a big history list came down. It was all "Hot single mom looking for a good lay" Craigslist ads. FML

#20540391
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33288) - you deserved it (3842)

On 03/12/2013 at 1:19am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent a dozen roses and a hand-written, heart-felt note to my ex-girlfriend to show her that I'm still madly in love with her. When I asked if she got the flowers I sent, she replied, "Yeah but you got the wrong color. You should've gotten yellow, that stands for friendship." FML

#20534297
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33262) - you deserved it (12033)

On 03/07/2013 at 1:07am - love - by Roses are Red - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my neighbour's puppy has developed separation anxiety. Every time my neighbour leaves for work, the puppy constantly whines and barks until he gets home. He works night shifts. FML

#20532315
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33247) - you deserved it (2209)

On 03/05/2013 at 2:58pm - animals - by sotired - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML

#20540243
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33203) - you deserved it (51101) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/11/2013 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by Lilypad (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was told I've secured the job I applied for at my local hospital. Being just 19, this is a great opportunity, and I told my parents. They angrily asked if I'd applied just to get access to drugs, then demanded to know how I'd managed to pass the drug test. Thanks for the confidence. FML

#20538687
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33104) - you deserved it (2562)

On 03/10/2013 at 9:51pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wants to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML

#20539958
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32912) - you deserved it (6070)

On 03/11/2013 at 7:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I woke to find my laptop and printer covered in what smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees". It's like sleepwalking, but where he urinates on random objects. FML

#20538947
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32638) - you deserved it (2594)

On 03/11/2013 at 12:09am - misc - by marcymoo - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I found out why my boyfriend likes to do my hair and makeup for me. Far from it being some kind of fetish or hobby, it's because he thinks I do such a crappy job that feels he has to apply it himself so I don't "embarrass" him when we're out in public together. FML

#20543666
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32431) - you deserved it (11567)

On 03/14/2013 at 5:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)



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