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Saturday 9 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML

#20543527
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39670) - you deserved it (9817)

On 03/14/2013 at 2:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I received several texts congratulating me on my pregnancy. It turns out that my husband announced he is going to be a father on Facebook, which I don't use. I'm not pregnant. FML

#20536715
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39589) - you deserved it (2519)

On 03/09/2013 at 5:35am - love - by Quiteannoyed (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

#20544356
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38920) - you deserved it (5675)

On 03/15/2013 at 1:44am - misc - by fmlman - United States (Wyoming)

Today, my wife finally came home from deployment. Apparently, in the military she really built up some muscle. When she saw me at the airport, she picked me up like a baby and spun me around in her arms a few times. I'm a little scared of her now. FML

#20530533
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38891) - you deserved it (9408)

On 03/04/2013 at 2:36am - love - by married to wonder woman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML

#20542468
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38704) - you deserved it (3777)

On 03/13/2013 at 7:22pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother yelled at me, calling me a "no-good fucking whore", because I couldn't fix his laptop. The same laptop he threw on the floor after screaming "FUCKING HEAL MEEE!" at his game. As ever, my parents took his side, refusing to believe that I can't fix a cracked monitor. FML

#20539298
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38546) - you deserved it (2377)

On 03/11/2013 at 7:57am - misc - by cunts, cunts everywhere - Australia

Today, my step-mom stole over $100 in cash from me, dumped dirty cat litter all over my clean bed sheets, and called me a whore for having a polite conversation with my boyfriend. I confronted my father about it. He told me to forgive her, because she's "on her period." FML

#20533543
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38503) - you deserved it (2333)

On 03/06/2013 at 2:11pm - misc - by disgruntled stepdaughter - United States (Ohio)

Today, the guy in the dorm room next to me was playing very loud metal music. I went next door and kindly asked him to turn it off. He did, so I went back to my room to go back to sleep. It turns out he was using the music to drown out his girlfriend's very loud moans. FML

#20536784
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38435) - you deserved it (15711)

On 03/09/2013 at 8:35am - intimacy - by ShittyWalls (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML

#20541893
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38105) - you deserved it (4239)

On 03/13/2013 at 9:36am - intimacy - by OptimusVader (woman) - United States

Today, I'm 5 months pregnant. My 20-year-old boyfriend still refuses to tell his parents because he thinks he'll get in trouble. He thinks we can get away with "never telling them and just hiding the kid." FML

#20536957
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38066) - you deserved it (9198)

On 03/09/2013 at 12:42pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Pakistan

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML

#20545680
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37898) - you deserved it (4315)

On 03/16/2013 at 2:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was fired from my job for breaking my company's tattoo policy. I have a small scar on my wrist that roughly resembles a heart. My boss insists that it's one of those white ink tattoos. No one will believe me. FML

#20534364
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37427) - you deserved it (2213)

On 03/07/2013 at 3:17am - work - by crap - United States

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

#20536627
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37205) - you deserved it (2853)

On 03/09/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada



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