Saturday 26 January 2013 
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Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30356) - you deserved it (3636)
On 01/30/2013 at 7:21am - love - by Denki (man) - China (Beijing)
Today, I told my boyfriend about my upcoming mouth surgery. He freaked out. Not because he's worried about me, but because I told him I will not be able to give him head for two weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30260) - you deserved it (4774)
On 01/26/2013 at 2:18am - intimacy - by Lauren324 - Canada (Ontario)
Today, after 2 weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30099) - you deserved it (7540)
On 02/02/2013 at 9:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (30003) - you deserved it (1428)
On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29735) - you deserved it (4996)
On 01/27/2013 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29602) - you deserved it (2051)
On 01/31/2013 at 5:28am - health - by I'maboutobarf - Australia
Today, my dad and his new wife got their wedding pictures done. Out of over 150 pictures, I was only in one. The family dog was in all of them. In the one picture of me, I was holding the dog's leash while he took a dump. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29355) - you deserved it (1576)
On 01/30/2013 at 4:05pm - animals - by puppydrama - United States
Today, I saw a woman breast feeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29203) - you deserved it (3126)
On 01/23/2013 at 3:33am - misc - by TheLastSerenade (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28672) - you deserved it (2054)
On 01/29/2013 at 4:48am - misc - by thegirlofthedad (woman) - India (Maharashtra)
Today, my mom went to court to finalize her divorce. I would have felt sorry for her, had this not been her 7th husband. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28554) - you deserved it (2363)
On 01/24/2013 at 2:19am - misc - by HereWeGoAgain (woman) - United States
Today, my friend set me up on a blind date, to get my mind off having been recently broken up with. The guy was perfect: tall, muscular, handsome. But while we were watching a movie, I saw him dig around in his nose, then wipe his finger on my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28535) - you deserved it (2787)
On 01/23/2013 at 1:44pm - love - by Stickysituation - United States (New York)
Today, I was on a ladder at work, fetching some stock from one of the storage shelves. Some teenage kid thought it would be fucking hilarious to grab the ladder and violently shake it. He hadn't bet on me being startled enough to fall off and fracture my elbow on the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27886) - you deserved it (1767)
On 01/27/2013 at 4:59pm - health - by fucking teen cunts (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my mom barged into my room at three in the morning, demanding to know where I'd been. I'd been in my room sleeping since ten o'clock. In that time she had called the police, all of my friends, and my ex-boyfriend, asking if I was with them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27762) - you deserved it (1410)
On 01/26/2013 at 12:14am - misc - by Sarah - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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