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Friday 25 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

#20477055
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27923) - you deserved it (51598)

On 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by chase (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML

#20484695
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27894) - you deserved it (9731)

On 01/29/2013 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found out that I have a highly irrational fear of little people. I made this self discovery when my mother introduced the family to her new fiancé. FML

#20487281
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27799) - you deserved it (5058)

On 01/31/2013 at 4:07am - misc - by Why Me? (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to leave my ACT prep class ten minutes in to pick up my drunken father from his best friend's baby shower. I picked him up along with a bill for the damage. FML

#20488845
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27797) - you deserved it (2173)

On 02/01/2013 at 10:26am - misc - by kylie18xx21 (woman) - United States

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

#20485057
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27593) - you deserved it (39363)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by notsobig - United States

Today, I was chatting with my choir leader. I told him that I have been thinking about taking singing lessons. His immediate reaction was, "Thank god, finally!" FML

#20474677
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27492) - you deserved it (6444)

On 01/23/2013 at 10:44am - misc - by sdd (woman) - Switzerland (Bern)

Today, my roommate and I noticed a foul smell in our apartment. After looking around for a little while, I found that her cat had pooped on a pair of my jeans, and apparently tried to cover it up by dragging a shirt over the mess. FML

#20479640
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27324) - you deserved it (3249)

On 01/26/2013 at 12:18pm - animals - by peteswentzbass - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, the last customer of the night shift handed me their money along with a wad of their hair. FML

#20484636
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27135) - you deserved it (2294)

On 01/29/2013 at 11:39am - work - by imwithapples22 (man) - United States

Today, I spent most of my daughter's 8th birthday with her in the hospital while her broken arm was put in a cast. Apparently, my son had told her that some people gained the ability to fly on their 8th birthday before encouraging her to find out by jumping off the slippery slide. FML

#20486554
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26832) - you deserved it (2289)

On 01/30/2013 at 5:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML

#20480007
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26535) - you deserved it (8481)

On 01/26/2013 at 4:51pm - misc - by go snope yourself (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that my friend hasn't spoken to me for a week. A week ago I politely explained to her that I really don't believe in horoscopes, and asked her at the time to stop systematically using my star-sign to explain my behaviour. FML

#20476356
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26325) - you deserved it (4586)

On 01/24/2013 at 11:37am - misc - by notsuperstitious (woman) - Finland

Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML

#20488708
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25832) - you deserved it (38629)

On 02/01/2013 at 6:05am - intimacy - by Master Debater (man) - Australia

Today, I tripped while walking down a large flight of stairs. As I fell forward, I instinctively reached out and grabbed onto one of the guys walking up. I ended up taking him and two other people down with me, earning myself a great many disgusted glares as I dusted myself off. FML

#20489268
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25779) - you deserved it (7707)

On 02/01/2013 at 5:53pm - health - by Awkward (man) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)



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