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Friday 25 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML

#20481338
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26313) - you deserved it (2953)

On 01/27/2013 at 1:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was waiting inside the shelter at the bus stop when a lady came up to me and asked if I would mind if she peed. FML

#20476019
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26272) - you deserved it (1979)

On 01/24/2013 at 2:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my daughter tried to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was because a hot coal somehow worked its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. FML

#20478067
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26175) - you deserved it (2161)

On 01/25/2013 at 1:00pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML

#20482645
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25893) - you deserved it (3198)

On 01/28/2013 at 3:14am - misc - by Creeped out (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML

#20479641
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25764) - you deserved it (42785)

On 01/26/2013 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML

#20477493
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25610) - you deserved it (12325)

On 01/25/2013 at 12:31am - misc - by awkwardturtle (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother "checked in" to rehab on Facebook. The same rehab that told her to hand over her smartphone. The dumbass was smart enough to steal my phone and dumb enough to get it confiscated. FML

#20485491
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25496) - you deserved it (2394)

On 01/29/2013 at 10:18pm - health - by motherless - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went for a checkup after having recently been fitted with dental implants. The oral surgeon I chose was supposedly the best in the area, but it turns out that he inserted the implants at the wrong angle. Now I have to have further surgery to correct it. FML

#20487790
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25484) - you deserved it (2240)

On 01/31/2013 at 4:29pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I thought maybe I should go to my doctor because my hips crack every time I take a step. But she's also my recently ex-boyfriend's mom, so I have to choose between being in constant pain or having my doctor poke at my hips while asking me why I'm no longer dating her son. FML

#20472109
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25376) - you deserved it (5531)

On 01/21/2013 at 9:41pm - health - by ouch (woman) - Canada (Prince Edward Island)

Today, at 24, I still can't grow a single bit of facial hair. Well, at least not on the right side of my face. FML

#20481856
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25268) - you deserved it (1986)

On 01/27/2013 at 8:08pm - health - by ihatemylife - United States (Illinois)

Today, I received a birthday present from a friend. It was the very same gift I gave to her for Christmas. FML

#20482991
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25162) - you deserved it (3898)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by thrifty gone wrong - United States (California)

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

#20477055
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25007) - you deserved it (48056)

On 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by chase (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my pants ripped while I was at work. I had to keep my balls to the wall while I dodged customers and edged ever closer to the break room. Before I could call my wife and ask her to bring a new pair, my boss burst in, got pissed, and made me go back out and deal with irate customers. FML

#20487736
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24978) - you deserved it (2043)

On 01/31/2013 at 3:27pm - work - by fuckit (man) - Italy (Lazio)



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