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Thursday 10 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

#20455625
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34166) - you deserved it (3310)

On 01/12/2013 at 5:02pm - misc - by fucking mafia or what?? (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML

#20447919
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34114) - you deserved it (4684)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:10pm - misc - by troll of a gran - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was the last person in line for going on the bus. Incidentally, I was right behind a guy way taller and wider than me. When he got on the bus, the bus driver immediately shut the door behind him. I was left outside chasing after the bus. FML

#20462065
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34106) - you deserved it (2263)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:42am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, after working the midnight shift at my job, I thought it would be nice to leave a sweet love note along with my boyfriend's favourite candy in his car. Upon finding it, he immediately broke up with me for "breaking into" his car. FML

#20460414
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34008) - you deserved it (5123)

On 01/15/2013 at 7:14am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, our company's owner's son took over. The first thing he did? Fire me. Why? He said my sales are down. I work in Public Relations. FML

#20463186
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33981) - you deserved it (2015)

On 01/16/2013 at 7:35pm - work - by itsjustwill - United States (Washington)

Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML

#20456813
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33731) - you deserved it (4987)

On 01/13/2013 at 7:41am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

#20464395
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33570) - you deserved it (15646)

On 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, the lead singer of the band I recently joined blatantly admitted to a fan that the only reason he let me in was because I'm "so fuckin' ugly" that I make the rest of them look "ten times better" in comparison. FML

#20464662
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33479) - you deserved it (2873)

On 01/17/2013 at 3:50pm - misc - by sad drummer (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

#20454746
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33338) - you deserved it (8313)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:32am - love - by thanksbabe - United States

Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML

#20459773
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33218) - you deserved it (9881)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:52pm - kids - by IvyLeague? - United States (New York)

Today, after hours of trying to put a screaming baby to sleep, she finally fell asleep in my arms. I was so happy. Then, I got the hiccups. FML

#20456464
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33040) - you deserved it (2700)

On 01/13/2013 at 1:15am - kids - by hiccups - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML

#20446049
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32978) - you deserved it (6471)

On 01/07/2013 at 10:40am - love - by gassy - United States (Texas)



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