Monday 7 January 2013 
Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time
Today, my son got his first tooth, and is enthusiastically biting everything. I breastfeed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27017) - you deserved it (4578)
On 01/09/2013 at 1:48pm - kids - by loveyouson (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)
Today, my girlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family. Instead of a happy reunion, I was terribly emasculated, publicly, for bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26949) - you deserved it (2269)
On 01/14/2013 at 10:47am - misc - by badenoughflowers - United States (Texas)
Today, my mum excitedly discussed with me the prospect of starting a mother-son YouTube duo. Thinking she was joking, I went along with it. She is now installing a 24-hour webcam in the house to record our conversations, which she perceives as hilarious, and is going to upload them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26821) - you deserved it (6922)
On 01/14/2013 at 5:06am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26651) - you deserved it (2729)
On 01/12/2013 at 5:02pm - misc - by fucking mafia or what?? (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I walked into the bathroom only to see my boyfriend sitting on the floor eating ice cream, crying. I'd say I was shocked, but this isn't the first time it's happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26583) - you deserved it (4701)
On 01/14/2013 at 3:24am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Montana)
Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26330) - you deserved it (6509)
On 01/11/2013 at 12:20am - misc - by datingablonde - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26181) - you deserved it (8143)
On 01/10/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovakia
Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26123) - you deserved it (4193)
On 01/13/2013 at 7:41am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was asked out by a friend of mine. He's a doctor and works at a prestigious hospital, so thinking we would eat somewhere special, I got all dressed up. We ended up eating at his hospital's cafeteria, because he gets a small employee discount. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25550) - you deserved it (5134)
On 01/11/2013 at 2:37pm - love - by wowthanks (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25479) - you deserved it (3294)
On 01/08/2013 at 12:10pm - misc - by troll of a gran - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25239) - you deserved it (4808)
On 01/07/2013 at 8:01am - intimacy - by wetsheets (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)
Today, I've been struggling with my English paper for the past hour, because I can't concentrate. This is because my mom is in the room next to me, singing to her pet rat about what a cute little boy he is, in between yelling at him to stop "molesting" her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25101) - you deserved it (1792)
On 01/10/2013 at 7:02pm - animals - by theycallmekitty (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24703) - you deserved it (5384)
On 01/07/2013 at 10:40am - love - by gassy - United States (Texas)
Monday 17 June 2013
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