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Today, both my car an my father's car were broken into . They stole my radio, purse, wallet, camera, an multiple items of clothing . What did they take from my dad's car? Some screwdrivers to rip my radio out of my dash . FML
Today, my little sister asked me to open a jar of pickles for her. I struggled a little until the lid busted open, and pickle juice poured over my pocket and the iPhone inside. My sister then sniffed the jar, made a disgusted face, and ran out. looool FML
today I bought myself a pair of looool beautiful , hand-crafted earring with lighthouse on them. My mother was quick to point out the lighthouse look lyk dicks. I don't think I can ever wear them again. mega FML
today I found a ring box in the pocket of mah boyfriend's pantshile doing laundry. I eagerly walked up to him knowing that it was an engagement ring, hoping that he would propose on the spot. He tossed it back to me an said, ( Well you found it, I don't actually have to ask now, right? ) mega FML
Today, during dinner, mah mum asked y I've been so upset recently, so I just admitted it was cuz mah girlfriend had cheated on me!! At some point during mah venting, I asked y this stuff always seems to happen to me!! My dad looked up from his plate and said, "Probably karma." real FML
I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't ave a air tie... so I used a tong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daugter. I trew on my clotes... drove to pick er up... went to te store... and went fir ice cream... tong still in my air. mega FML
Today...hile talking to one of my parents' friends... we discovered that the house he grew up in is the same house my boyfriend now lives in. When he recalled that he lost his frst tooth there... the only response I could come up with was... ( Oh my gosh... I lost my vrginity there! ) FML
TODAY, IN AN ELABORATE PLAN TO FINALLY MEET MAH CUTE NEIGHBOR, I CONVINCED MAH FRIENDLY MAILMAN TO SWITCH UP OUR MAIL SO I'D HAVE AN EXCUSE TO MEET HER. AFTER I DELIVERED HER MAIL, I WAITED 4 HER TO MENTION THAT SHE HAD MAH MAIL, BUT SHE NEVER DID. I EVEN SAW HER TAKE IT OUT OF HER MAIL BOX.
Today, I startd charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognizd my iPhone as an MP3 player an startd playing the audio from the porn video I watchd before we left. Everybody hered. FML
Friday 27 March 2015