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Friday 21 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML

#20420433
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19548) - you deserved it (52853)

On 12/25/2012 at 2:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at a post-Christmas party, I saw a cute girl standing underneath a mistletoe. I walked up to her and pointed out that we were both standing under a mistletoe. She looked at me, winced, and quickly walked away. FML

#20424412
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19546) - you deserved it (22669)

On 12/26/2012 at 9:09pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I tried to impress a girl at the gym on the squat rack, but let out a big fart. She was grossed out and laughed at me with her friends. Her boyfriend came over and told me I was a dead man, and I'd better leave. I'm now the proud owner of a year membership at a gym I can't go to. FML

#20425068
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19066) - you deserved it (25083)

On 12/27/2012 at 1:46am - health - by pipefitter28 (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, in the "end-of-the-world" spirit, I asked my boyfriend to marry me. His response was, "It's really windy out." FML

#20410172
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18195) - you deserved it (25663)

On 12/20/2012 at 11:05pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

#20415890
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17543) - you deserved it (48714)

On 12/23/2012 at 10:02am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML

#20405129
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17179) - you deserved it (27613)

On 12/18/2012 at 2:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at Walmart when I saw my grandpa in the next aisle looking at magazines. Wanting to surprise him, I ran up behind him and hugged him around the middle. Up close, I realized he wasn't my grandpa. FML

#20420733
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15442) - you deserved it (26602)

On 12/25/2012 at 6:17am - misc - by Oops (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

#20417936
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15273) - you deserved it (35235)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had a look through my dad's girlfriend's phone she left on the table. Best part: I now know what I'm getting for christmas. Worst part: I now know my dad's favourite position. FML

#20413212
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14346) - you deserved it (70142)

On 12/22/2012 at 6:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML

#20407433
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14276) - you deserved it (34983)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was racing my friends to the car for shotgun in the parking lot at night. I opened the passenger door of the car to find an old lady staring at me. It was the wrong car. FML

#20427324
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14209) - you deserved it (33513)

On 12/28/2012 at 3:14am - misc - by Anon - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after ranting to my boyfriend about how Pandora bracelets are pointless and cliched and that I'd never spend that kind of money on a tiny charm, he gave me my Christmas present. It was a Pandora bracelet. FML

Today, I was in the mall for the second day in a row with my 7-year-old brother. As we walked past Santa he asked me, "Why does Santa look different today"? Not thinking, I said, "Because each mall has a different Santa." FML

#20405502
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13825) - you deserved it (34394)

On 12/18/2012 at 11:50am - kids - by I said whaat -



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