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Friday 21 December 2012

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Today, while talking to my boyfriend, he got upset and accused me of making up words to make him feel stupid. All because I used the word "vapid." FML

by seriously? / 12/22/2012 at 5:19pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while trying to take my Christmas tree down, I learned that at some point during the last few weeks, it became home to a colony of green ants. I'm now covered in bites and terrified to go anywhere near it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2012 at 5:54pm / Australia / Health

Today, due to bad weather, my dad let me take his car to drive to my apartment 3 hours away. I only realized when I got there that my keys were still sitting on my parents' kitchen counter. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2012 at 1:31am / Transportation

Today, I noticed one of my neighbors has decided to place an old toilet in the middle of their front lawn. Another one has had a kitchen sink in their driveway for a year, and yet another has a sofa in their grass. These are the people who taunt me for just walking my cat outside on a leash. FML

by SApprentice / 12/19/2012 at 12:02am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2012 at 2:50pm / Spain (Canarias) / Animals

Today, I started my first day of work at our local humane society. I asked where the break room was, so my coworker directed me to a small room in the back of the building. The only place I get to take my lunch break is the same room where they euthanize, freeze and cremate the animals. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2012 at 9:22am / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, after nearly a week of awful pain in my right lung, I finally went to see a doctor about it. When I mentioned my history of lung problems and suggested it could be pneumonia, he told me to "leave the diagnosing to the professionals" and ended up claiming I have acid reflux. FML

by fucking fuck it fucking hurts / 12/21/2012 at 5:41pm / United States / Health

Today, I was overseeing a nativity play rehearsal. Things went fairly well, until a boy's grandma stormed in, ranting that Christmas is a "Pagan abomination", and shouting for him and his mom to leave with her. Half the kids were left in tears, and we had to cancel the rehearsal. FML

by judge not, ye cunt / 12/21/2012 at 6:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

by ELparano / 12/28/2012 at 8:21pm / Canada / Transportation

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure. The pedicurist began examining my feet, then called his coworkers over to demonstrate how to deal with "excessively crusty" feet. FML

by Crusty / 12/19/2012 at 3:53pm / Health

Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML

by Insane Guy / 12/21/2012 at 1:47am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I ate brunch at my in-laws. The food all tasted off to me so I didn't eat much, telling my mother-in-law I was watching my weight. Later on, while out doing a bit of shopping, I stopped at a red light. Guess who pulled up next to me while I was scarfing a fast food burger. FML

by drkate25 / 12/18/2012 at 5:02pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to impress a girl at the gym on the squat rack, but let out a big fart. She was grossed out and laughed at me with her friends. Her boyfriend came over and told me I was a dead man, and I'd better leave. I'm now the proud owner of a year membership at a gym I can't go to. FML

by pipefitter28 / 12/27/2012 at 1:46am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health