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Thursday 20 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

#20418972
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40062) - you deserved it (5779)

On 12/24/2012 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

#20408274
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39813) - you deserved it (14282)

On 12/20/2012 at 12:30am - intimacy - by djl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I gave my husband an early Christmas present: Santa-themed lingerie. He got angry and called me selfish, for "using" him as an excuse to get myself nice stuff. FML

#20418722
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39453) - you deserved it (12913)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by selfishsexysanta (woman) - United States

Today, I received my soccer team jacket that I ordered a month ago. Trying to save money, I'd selected the "no name" option to avoid an extra $20 embroidering fee. My jacket now has "NO NAME" spelled out on the side of it, and I was charged the extra $20 dollars after all. FML

#20415162
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39299) - you deserved it (7212)

On 12/23/2012 at 12:01am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed and I asked him why he was with me. His answer was, "Well, the last girl I dated was really smart and she always made me feel dumb, so I decided to switch things up a bit. You make me feel like a genius babe." FML

#20417781
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39220) - you deserved it (7430)

On 12/24/2012 at 12:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, a guy professed his love for me in front of my friends. The guy is my first cousin. FML

#20414731
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38872) - you deserved it (3150)

On 12/22/2012 at 9:33pm - love - by Brittany (woman) - United States

Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running my hands up and down my friend's leg sexually to creep him out. I woke up and I realized that I was running my hand up and down the leg of the old man sitting next to me. FML

#20408734
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38329) - you deserved it (23245)

On 12/20/2012 at 9:49am - intimacy - by joyness (woman) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, it was my first time at the club. I saw a really cute girl. I finally worked up the courage to ask her to dance. Before I even got within five feet of her, she looked me in the eyes and vehemently shook her head. I did a 180. My friends saw everything. They are still laughing. FML

#20413213
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37977) - you deserved it (4344)

On 12/22/2012 at 6:21am - misc - by divingconfidence (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My daughter's $11 One Direction poster. What will it cost to fix my car? $1,000. FML

#20427068
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37947) - you deserved it (3797)

On 12/27/2012 at 11:58pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited, and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious, he's been searching for high-calorie foods for babies. FML

#20405554
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37918) - you deserved it (5933)

On 12/18/2012 at 12:33pm - kids - by fatbabysyndrome (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML

#20416717
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37672) - you deserved it (5775)

On 12/23/2012 at 4:36pm - kids - by still had to pay (man) - Australia

Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML

#20419854
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37615) - you deserved it (2480)

On 12/24/2012 at 10:20pm - misc - by Julie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was hit in the head by a golf ball. I wasn't near a golf course, and nobody was anywhere in sight. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. FML

#20403784
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37589) - you deserved it (3565)

On 12/17/2012 at 2:38pm - health - by wtf - United States



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