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Friday 7 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML

Today, my friend and I told each other about our boyfriends. They're both nice, kind, beautiful, talented, funny, sweet and smart. They also both have the same name. And house. And job. And car. FML

#20196037
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34242) - you deserved it (1971)

On 12/08/2012 at 5:44am - love - by ouch. - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

#20192033
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31731) - you deserved it (273)

On 12/05/2012 at 5:52am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

#20189568
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31290) - you deserved it (2177)

On 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm - misc - by karmamaybe - United States (South Dakota)

Today, it's been 13 months since I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML

#20201491
404 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31289) - you deserved it (1609)

On 12/12/2012 at 1:45am - kids - by LearnGeographyUSA (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil tempted her. FML

#20195064
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28786) - you deserved it (1505)

On 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm - misc - by sonofahypocriticalwhore (man) - United States

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

#20399775
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26650) - you deserved it (7175)

On 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by sucks at sucking (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years drunkenly introduced me to another very special lady. His wife. FML

#20197502
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26140) - you deserved it (2218)

On 12/09/2012 at 9:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML

#20198676
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25757) - you deserved it (5306)

On 12/10/2012 at 2:21am - love - by Tonguetied0496 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

#20189915
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25519) - you deserved it (2723)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by schooyou101 - United States (Kansas)

Today, in class, I reached into my bag to pull out a tampon, which I hid under my sleeve so I could make a quick escape to the restroom. My teacher yelled at me, because she thought I'd taken out my phone. I then had to prove myself by showing the tampon to the whole class. FML

#20398872
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25456) - you deserved it (1744)

On 12/14/2012 at 1:40am - health - by bloodyfreakinawful - United States (Texas)

Today, my dog died and I told my grandfather I wanted her to be cremated. I came home later to find him burning her in our barbecue pit. FML

#20193405
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25215) - you deserved it (2571)

On 12/06/2012 at 2:18am - animals - by psd60 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when he suddenly grabbed my front. He said, in a sexy voice, "Is that your boob?". He had grabbed a fat roll. FML



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