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Thursday 6 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML

#20194263
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23445) - you deserved it (1583)

On 12/06/2012 at 8:07pm - misc - by Matt8 (man) - United States

Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML

#20198547
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23439) - you deserved it (5526)

On 12/10/2012 at 12:10am - money - by hailey - United States (Maryland)

Today, my family went on a family trip without me. Their reason for not bringing me? My older sister wanted extra legroom during the drive. FML

Today, my drunk girlfriend maxed out my credit card, on an "authentic" Jesus Christ autograph on eBay. FML

#20397287
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22672) - you deserved it (3588)

On 12/12/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by maxedoutidiot - United States

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

#20195358
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22600) - you deserved it (15032)

On 12/07/2012 at 5:40pm - intimacy - by bill219 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was riding the train and someone farted. Everyone looked at me. People always blame farts on the fat guy. FML

#20190789
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22581) - you deserved it (4419)

On 12/04/2012 at 11:04am - misc - by Banana (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, my very cheap boyfriend of four years proposed. I was overwhelmed with emotion, since he bought such a huge, seemingly-diamond ring. I was later overwhelmed with emotion when my finger turned green. FML

#20201870
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22246) - you deserved it (3355)

On 12/12/2012 at 12:51pm - love - by dino0123 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I stepped on the scale and realized that I weigh more than the amount of money that I have in my bank account. FML

#20199403
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22216) - you deserved it (6799)

On 12/10/2012 at 6:32pm - money - by ihncredible - United States (Michigan)

Today, I sent in an assignment from my batshit insane teacher. The assignment was to read a poem, analyze it, and make a comic of its plot. This would've been fine if the teacher who assigned it to me didn't teach math. FML

Today, I dropped my handbag into a water-filled gutter. As I was hurriedly fishing out the contents of my bag, I looked up. There was my ex, with the girl he left me for walking past, timed exactly to coincide with me manically scooping up one of many rapidly absorbing tampons. FML

#20194448
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21724) - you deserved it (1656)

On 12/06/2012 at 10:11pm - love - by shamefaced (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, while picking up a birthday cake, I was screamed at by an upset woman for getting special attention from the bakers, and that I was nothing more than an attention-hogging slut. The bakers are my co-workers and I was picking my cake up on my day off. FML

#20201761
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21570) - you deserved it (1410)

On 12/12/2012 at 10:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML

#20198660
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21411) - you deserved it (1374)

On 12/10/2012 at 2:01am - misc - by Alec (man) - United States

Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML

#20398310
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21188) - you deserved it (1121)

On 12/13/2012 at 6:44pm - misc - by surrounded by dumbfucks (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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