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Sunday 2 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

#20186465
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41923) - you deserved it (6606)

On 12/01/2012 at 9:54am - intimacy - by me. - United States

Today, my friend and I told each other about our boyfriends. They're both nice, kind, beautiful, talented, funny, sweet and smart. They also both have the same name. And house. And job. And car. FML

#20196037
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41488) - you deserved it (2763)

On 12/08/2012 at 5:44am - love - by ouch. - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

#20181345
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40946) - you deserved it (3619)

On 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

#20189568
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38634) - you deserved it (3149)

On 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm - misc - by karmamaybe - United States (South Dakota)

Today, someone very close to me came out of the closet. Normally I would fully support them, had we not just gotten married. FML

#20181869
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38467) - you deserved it (2416)

On 11/27/2012 at 10:08pm - love - by Bliggins - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

#20192033
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37741) - you deserved it (2413)

On 12/05/2012 at 5:52am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

#20185787
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36143) - you deserved it (3388)

On 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by julia (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

#20193609
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34556) - you deserved it (3986)

On 12/06/2012 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Dontwaketheneighbors (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil tempted her. FML

#20195064
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33930) - you deserved it (1849)

On 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm - misc - by sonofahypocriticalwhore (man) - United States

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

#20179174
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33262) - you deserved it (3151)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years drunkenly introduced me to another very special lady. His wife. FML

#20197502
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33169) - you deserved it (3271)

On 12/09/2012 at 9:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my dog died and I told my grandfather I wanted her to be cremated. I came home later to find him burning her in our barbecue pit. FML

#20193405
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32860) - you deserved it (3670)

On 12/06/2012 at 2:18am - animals - by psd60 - United States (Texas)



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