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Saturday 1 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

#20186465
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41813) - you deserved it (6601)

On 12/01/2012 at 9:54am - intimacy - by me. - United States

Today, my friend and I told each other about our boyfriends. They're both nice, kind, beautiful, talented, funny, sweet and smart. They also both have the same name. And house. And job. And car. FML

#20196037
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41436) - you deserved it (2761)

On 12/08/2012 at 5:44am - love - by ouch. - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

#20181345
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40793) - you deserved it (3609)

On 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

#20189568
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38564) - you deserved it (3142)

On 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm - misc - by karmamaybe - United States (South Dakota)

Today, someone very close to me came out of the closet. Normally I would fully support them, had we not just gotten married. FML

#20181869
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38205) - you deserved it (2396)

On 11/27/2012 at 10:08pm - love - by Bliggins - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

#20192033
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37702) - you deserved it (2411)

On 12/05/2012 at 5:52am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

#20185787
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36066) - you deserved it (3384)

On 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by julia (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

#20193609
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34496) - you deserved it (3982)

On 12/06/2012 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Dontwaketheneighbors (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil tempted her. FML

#20195064
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33857) - you deserved it (1849)

On 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm - misc - by sonofahypocriticalwhore (man) - United States

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

#20179174
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33201) - you deserved it (3150)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my dog died and I told my grandfather I wanted her to be cremated. I came home later to find him burning her in our barbecue pit. FML

#20193405
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32808) - you deserved it (3664)

On 12/06/2012 at 2:18am - animals - by psd60 - United States (Texas)

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

#20189915
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32627) - you deserved it (3395)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by schooyou101 - United States (Kansas)



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