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Sunday 4 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, multiple people admired my elaborate face paint. This happens every Halloween, at least every Halloween since I got badly burnt in a car accident. FML

#20142623
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42775) - you deserved it (1673)

On 11/01/2012 at 7:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of)

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

#20155904
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39809) - you deserved it (1816)

On 11/09/2012 at 2:18am - love - by SebastianMiko (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

#20145433
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37104) - you deserved it (2945)

On 11/03/2012 at 6:02am - intimacy - by heartbroke (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend decided to invite her best friend over for a threesome. This would've been the best day ever, had I not been at work while it was taking place. FML

#20150477
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36609) - you deserved it (3618)

On 11/06/2012 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by sadness1992 - United States (California)

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML

#20144932
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36546) - you deserved it (5365)

On 11/02/2012 at 9:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I found my fiancé is cheating on me. Our wedding is in 26 days and everything is already paid for. FML

#20140302
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33595) - you deserved it (2175)

On 10/30/2012 at 3:34pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

#20145795
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33414) - you deserved it (3518)

On 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

#20142294
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32456) - you deserved it (2297)

On 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm - kids - by ananymous - United States (New York)

Today, in the middle of a hot air balloon ride with my girlfriend, I asked her to marry me. She said no. The rest of the ride was the most awkward 2 hours of my life. FML

#20148134
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31887) - you deserved it (3832)

On 11/04/2012 at 10:26pm - love - by Tj Hunt - United States

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

#20141194
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30754) - you deserved it (3423)

On 10/31/2012 at 1:01am - kids - by poorkids (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my crazy bitch of a boss fired me for inappropriate conduct. Apparently my "fake Nazi accent" is "offensive to our Jewish coworkers." I'm German. I have no way to change the way I speak, or to pay this month's bills. FML

#20155705
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30575) - you deserved it (1616)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:02pm - work - by Screwed - United States (Maryland)

Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 mins away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML

#20146867
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30555) - you deserved it (4727)

On 11/04/2012 at 4:55am - intimacy - by screwed - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML

#20142541
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30512) - you deserved it (6479)

On 11/01/2012 at 3:54am - intimacy - by okay._. - United States (California)



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