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Today mah mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk . Towards the end I had to excuse myself to the bathroom . As I came back I overheard mah dad telling mah mom that I'm so unpopular the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin . FML
Yesterday, ma grlfriend texted one of er male friends, saying se's turned off by te tougt of sex wit me. Se suggested a bit of ( exercise sex ) wit im. I'm sure e would ave eagerly agreed, if e'd been te one receiving te texts. FML
Today, I woke up with a used condom on mah face. Turns out mah roommate had sex with his grlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise mah long distance girlfriend by flying to her unannounced. When I arrived at her house, her family tells me that she herself boarded an unannounced flight tohere I lived hours ago. Surprise. FML
Friday 27 March 2015