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Monday 28 May 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I saw a text message on my husband's phone from a "Candice", asking him if he and his wife are still separated, followed by an invitation to spend the night. I never knew we were separated in the first place. FML

#19732983
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31696) - you deserved it (1841)

On 06/04/2012 at 2:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to break up with her. It was a hard decision and both of us became quite emotionally overwhelmed at the time. We began to hug as a final goodbye, then her mum burst in the room and yelled, "HE FINALLY PROPOSED!" FML

#19725965
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29444) - you deserved it (2417)

On 06/03/2012 at 10:21am - love - by Matt - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML

#19719129
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29003) - you deserved it (1850)

On 06/02/2012 at 1:43am - misc - by ironyisabitch - United States (California)

Today, I went to visit my husband's grave. I was unable to mourn in peace because some teenagers were smoking pot and talking about a government conspiracy "to change the way gravity works" on the next grave over. FML

#19696168
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27023) - you deserved it (1299)

On 05/28/2012 at 10:51pm - misc - by notnicefools - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML

#19703392
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26740) - you deserved it (6420)

On 05/30/2012 at 5:46am - intimacy - by Brax (man) - United States

Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML

#19736092
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26284) - you deserved it (2075)

On 06/04/2012 at 11:47pm - work - by kufan1324 - United States

Today, I almost got kidnapped. Again. FML

#19707961
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25608) - you deserved it (3685)

On 05/31/2012 at 1:28am - misc - by gonavybeatarmy - United States (California)

Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML

#19713901
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25456) - you deserved it (1938)

On 06/01/2012 at 3:02am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML

#19730259
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24825) - you deserved it (2159)

On 06/04/2012 at 12:34am - misc - by whattheheck - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I went to the hospital for stomach pains, and was told that it sounds like I have an ovarian cyst. My mom went into a rage, screaming that I'd lied to her about being a virgin. Despite the doctor explaining that sexual activity has nothing to do with it, she refuses to believe him. FML

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML

#19716339
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23584) - you deserved it (1761)

On 06/01/2012 at 4:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML

#19702897
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23491) - you deserved it (6340)

On 05/30/2012 at 1:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my parents think it's so hot outside that it's okay for them to work in the garden naked. FML

#19692459
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23447) - you deserved it (1482)

On 05/28/2012 at 6:15am - misc - by Ladieda (woman) - Netherlands (Gelderland)



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