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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Saturday 14 November 2009

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML

#6316031 (136)

I agree, your life sucks (46772) - you deserved it (2379)

On 11/15/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, at school, I got stuck in the elevator and was about to panic before I remembered I had my phone. I called my mother and she called the school to tell them that I was stuck. They got me out in a few minutes and then confiscated my phone and gave me two detentions for using it in school. FML

#6252337 (196)

I agree, your life sucks (37203) - you deserved it (1925)

On 11/11/2009 at 12:16am - misc - by noexceptions (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML

#6377281 (122)

I agree, your life sucks (33456) - you deserved it (4928)

On 11/20/2009 at 2:29am - love - by lonelyman (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a neighbour called to say my water tank burst. A colleague followed me home to help, took off his shirt so it wouldn't get wet and climbed through my window to get to the roof. My boyfriend unexpectedly came home as we were emerging from the bedroom. My colleague was still buttoning his shirt up. FML

#6309981 (98)

I agree, your life sucks (33331) - you deserved it (3824)

On 11/15/2009 at 3:42am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

#6318893 (87)

I agree, your life sucks (33119) - you deserved it (1284)

On 11/15/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

#6389255 (156)

I agree, your life sucks (32865) - you deserved it (2300)

On 11/21/2009 at 6:40am - animals - by AussieGirl (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text saying: "I don't think we can see each other anymore, the nights were great, but I think I'm falling in love with Julie". I'm Julie. FML

#6293828 (142)

I agree, your life sucks (32739) - you deserved it (1596)

On 11/13/2009 at 10:07pm - love - by JJ (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was walking around in Target with my friends and the guy I've liked for a long time. As we approached the patio section, I sat down on a chair only to hear a big wet watery sound. I got up and realized that I had just sat in some little kid's diarrhea. FML

#6378888 (80)

I agree, your life sucks (32451) - you deserved it (4531)

On 11/20/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML

#6283221 (127)

I agree, your life sucks (32272) - you deserved it (1680)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by ournhd (man) - United States (California)

Today, some obnoxious guys started calling me ugly. I tried to ignore them and be the bigger person. That's pretty hard to do when they start throwing rocks at you. FML

#6324167 (166)

I agree, your life sucks (32232) - you deserved it (2076)

On 11/16/2009 at 6:39am - kids - by x0SoReckless0x (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a paper back that was given a zero for suspected plagiarism. Everything I wrote was my own thought and analysis. My instructor basically thinks my paper is smarter than I am. He won't listen, even when I explain my thought processes throughout the piece. FML

#6238965 (134)

I agree, your life sucks (31817) - you deserved it (1495)

On 11/10/2009 at 1:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I realized why my 50 year old Dad's 30 something girlfriend looked so familiar. She is in all my parents wedding photos... as the flower girl. FML

#6348430 (95)

I agree, your life sucks (31534) - you deserved it (1100)

On 11/17/2009 at 10:18pm - misc - by usmcgirl (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to go see my boyfriend of over two years in a play. I knew that he'd be kissing his female opposite at the end of the show and I was okay with that. I snuck into his dressing room at intermission to find him "rehearsing" with her half naked. FML

#6309781 (78)

I agree, your life sucks (31410) - you deserved it (1903)

On 11/15/2009 at 2:51am - love - by irishbitch (woman) -