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Wednesday 31 August 2016

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Today, I got dumped for the second time by the guy that I'd been seeing. He actually forgot that he'd already dumped me once this week and did it again. FML

by tragic / 08/29/2016 at 12:51am / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML

by spaghett / 08/29/2016 at 4:32pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, the client that hired us for cleaning cancelled her contract because I was seen "holding a broom backwards." I'm left-handed. FML

by left alone / 08/29/2016 at 8:46am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I was motivated enough to run on the treadmill for the first time in a long time. The movement knocked my downstairs neighbor's ceiling fan down. FML

by meglast / 08/29/2016 at 12:48pm / United States (Texas) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my eyesight is getting terrible. I saw a white cat in front of my house, so I went up to it. To my delight it didn’t move, so I bent down to stroke it. Wrong call, it was a plastic bag. FML

by ckatia / 08/30/2016 at 5:29am / Health

Today, my mother and I were watching a movie. She got up to go to bed, and I blurted out, "Please don't leave me." Her response: "You really need a boyfriend." FML

by shrek / 08/29/2016 at 6:26am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I made a point of talking to our parachute riggers, and thanking them for all they do. Today is also the first day I had to pull my reserve chute because my main chute didn't open correctly. FML

by rickjameson / 08/29/2016 at 6:19am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, my boss told me that he’d hired me because he thought I looked intelligent. He then went on to say that it was about time that I proved that I was. FML

by fabiennemorin35 / 08/30/2016 at 5:29am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Work

Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML

by KayIsKiwi99 / 08/29/2016 at 3:00pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML

by forever alone / 08/30/2016 at 9:55am / Trinidad and Tobago (San Fernando) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the funeral home where I work, I asked my boss if it was time to "bring out the stiff". I didn't realize the guy's family was not only in the building, but within earshot as well. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2016 at 11:01am / Work