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Friday 24 October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

#21281599
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33687) - you deserved it (2800)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:50am - misc - by ColdStones (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my 17-year-old son managed to easily convince my 13-year-old daughter that if you have sex before getting married, you'll instantly get horrible diseases that will kill you. Her freaking out is how I found out she's not only gullible as hell, but sexually active as well. FML

#21283066
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33055) - you deserved it (4065)

On 10/22/2014 at 12:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, my boss drove past me while I was walking to work, and splashing mud over my uniform. When I got to work, he criticized me for showing up in unpresentable condition. FML

#21281679
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32914) - you deserved it (2382)

On 10/20/2014 at 11:03am - work - by Chansus10 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

#21281604
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32203) - you deserved it (2565)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:28am - intimacy - by bye loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

#21282365
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31863) - you deserved it (2867)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by youngboob (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30848) - you deserved it (9087)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

#21282367
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30108) - you deserved it (6179)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML

#21281510
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29256) - you deserved it (2123)

On 10/20/2014 at 12:53am - work - by are you kidding me - United States (Kansas)

Today, my parents told me off for reading, as opposed to watching TV like the rest of the family, because it was "anti-social". FML

#21282362
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29151) - you deserved it (2166)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML

#21283288
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29055) - you deserved it (2073)

On 10/22/2014 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by BadLuckLad (man) - United Kingdom (Portsmouth)

Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

#21283044
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28506) - you deserved it (3095)

On 10/22/2014 at 10:47am - animals - by MouserMan - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML



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Friday 24 October 2014

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