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Thursday 23 October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

#21281599
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31374) - you deserved it (2579)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:50am - misc - by ColdStones (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my boss drove past me while I was walking to work, and splashing mud over my uniform. When I got to work, he criticized me for showing up in unpresentable condition. FML

#21281679
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30398) - you deserved it (2176)

On 10/20/2014 at 11:03am - work - by Chansus10 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

#21281604
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29701) - you deserved it (2331)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:28am - intimacy - by bye loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

#21282365
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27846) - you deserved it (2501)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by youngboob (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML

#21281510
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27551) - you deserved it (2003)

On 10/20/2014 at 12:53am - work - by are you kidding me - United States (Kansas)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27348) - you deserved it (7929)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML

Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of 'setting her off', when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks". All I did was say the word 'abortion'. FML

#21281594
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26475) - you deserved it (4770)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:31am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

#21282367
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26494) - you deserved it (5332)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, as my boyfriend left my house, I gave him a long, tight hug. So tight that he threw up. FML

Today, while doing physical therapy exercises for my broken leg, I managed to throw my back out. Now I can neither walk nor sit up. FML

#21281586
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25484) - you deserved it (2131)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:00am - health - by cray12 - United States

Today, my parents told me off for reading, as opposed to watching TV like the rest of the family, because it was "anti-social". FML

#21282362
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25552) - you deserved it (1883)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML



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