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Friday 21 November 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML

#21301400
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37144) - you deserved it (3106)

On 11/18/2014 at 1:57pm - misc - by steak through the heart - United States (California)

Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML

#21301367
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33244) - you deserved it (3249)

On 11/18/2014 at 12:26pm - misc - by drugsforthugs - United States (California)

Today, I met my sister's fiancé. I would have been happier for her if he hadn't been mine a month ago when I introduced them. FML

#21301904
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31888) - you deserved it (2232)

On 11/19/2014 at 3:27am - love - by MissAggravared - United States (Idaho)

Today, after realizing my flashcards had fallen out of my binder, I asked my teacher if I could quickly go to my locker to get them. She said no and told me to go sit down. As soon as class ended, I went to my locker and brought them to her. Her response? "Why didn't you ask me to get these during class?" FML

#21301020
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30792) - you deserved it (2121)

On 11/17/2014 at 10:10pm - work - by ohgosh... (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend said "You're a real work of art. You know, the abstract kind that no one likes. Anyway, we need to break up." FML

#21302073
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30054) - you deserved it (2616)

On 11/19/2014 at 12:40pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

#21300816
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29998) - you deserved it (4644)

On 11/17/2014 at 4:05pm - misc - by fatty - United States (Virginia)

Today, after driving hundreds of miles to sign the paperwork for my new job, I found out the guy who hired me recently quit, and HR has no idea who I am. FML

#21300696
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29607) - you deserved it (2062)

On 11/17/2014 at 11:59am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my 12-year-old daughter informed me that she is eager to lose her virginity, "Because I don't want to be thrown into a volcano!" FML

#21300667
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29252) - you deserved it (3151)

On 11/17/2014 at 10:47am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a customer said the pants she was buying rang up more than advertised. I quietly told her plus-sizes were not on sale. The customer yelled in front of a whole line of people, "So I'm fat and can't read! Any other insults you'd like to throw at me?" and stormed out of the store. FML

#21301098
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29038) - you deserved it (3666)

On 11/17/2014 at 11:16pm - work - by HereToLaughAtU (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

#21301160
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28177) - you deserved it (2179)

On 11/18/2014 at 12:35am - animals - by blindsparrow - United States (California)

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

#21301827
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27821) - you deserved it (2979)

On 11/19/2014 at 12:27am - intimacy - by jigglypluff (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, while lying in bed cuddling with my cat after getting stood up, I found out that even 80-year-old Charles Manson is engaged to be married. FML

#21301256
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27250) - you deserved it (2797)

On 11/18/2014 at 5:41am - love - by jessiejaybee (woman) - United States

Today, it was the fourth time I've had major dental work done, because my dentist messed up my root canal. After almost a dozen needles, three missed work days, over $1,000, and 2 broken tools, I only have a tiny, barely-successful filling to show for it. FML

#21301373
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27078) - you deserved it (2578)

On 11/18/2014 at 12:45pm - health - by hatemydentist - Canada (Ontario)



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Friday 21 November 2014

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