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September 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I started a new job. Three of my Kenyan coworkers keep getting together and reminding me that having more than one wife is okay in their country. I've gotten 3 marriage proposals from married men so far. FML

#21255696
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34092) - you deserved it (2819)

On 09/10/2014 at 1:16pm - work - by notmarryingyou - United States (Washington)

Today, I flew across country to college. My luggage did not. FML

#21262400
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34043) - you deserved it (2798)

On 09/21/2014 at 11:51am - misc - by Need Clothes Now (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my younger sister ran into my room, telling me someone was trying to break in. We were home alone, so she went to hide as I took a crowbar and followed the intruder. Just as I was about to swing, he turned around: it was my dad. I had to explain to my sister that burglars don't have keys. FML

#21251987
60 comments

Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML

#21261205
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33876) - you deserved it (4372)

On 09/19/2014 at 11:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I found my son trying to comb his hair with scissors. He's the same kid who thought that if he ate toothpaste, he would never have to brush his teeth again. FML

Today, my sister told me the reason why she went with me to a gay pride parade a few months ago was because she thought it would inspire me to come out. FML

Today, my dad found out I recently tried weed. He called me a useless waste of air and grounded me for the rest of the year. Then he went outside and smoked his third cigarette of the morning. FML

#21261280
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33688) - you deserved it (12930)

On 09/19/2014 at 2:34pm - kids - by hypercrite dad (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was replaced in the symphony I play in. I play the clarinet, and a standard symphony only uses two, so getting into one can be quite competitive. My conductor's reasoning? "I was sure you were going to college." I never mentioned college to him, other than saying I wasn't going. FML

Today, my boyfriend was about to sneeze. To avoid getting his new tablet wet, he chose to sneeze right into my face instead. FML

#21252384
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33588) - you deserved it (3132)

On 09/05/2014 at 12:17pm - love - by anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I looked at a girl's profile on a dating website, and it told her I'd visited it. Later on, she sent me a message. It said: "Don't even think about it." FML

#21253110
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33555) - you deserved it (3152)

On 09/06/2014 at 3:29pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had to inform my roommate that dry shampoo, deodorant, and perfume are not the same as a shower. It's been two weeks. FML

#21263853
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33531) - you deserved it (2421)

On 09/23/2014 at 2:30pm - health - by catgiraffegirl (woman) - United States

Today, I learned that even though a woman has a baby carriage and seems friendly, she won't be afraid to mug you in front of her kid. FML

#21262985
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33513) - you deserved it (2854)

On 09/22/2014 at 6:58am - health - by deathstar3548 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while fishing my remote out from behind the couch, I found my fiancé's stash of old toenails. FML

#21257075
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33492) - you deserved it (2944)

On 09/12/2014 at 6:27pm - misc - by jjhach (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)



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Friday 26 September 2014

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