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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my sister told me about her upcoming trip to Mexico. I asked her how she was going to do anything without knowing any Spanish. She told me she's "just going to read their lips". FML

#21272968
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30412) - you deserved it (2236)

On 10/07/2014 at 6:15pm - misc - by epic174 - United States

Today, I found out via a voicemail from my boss that my hours are being cut. He said, "They said I can't fire you, so you'll only be getting 20 hours a week. Starting today." Who'd they give my other 20 hours to? The one person that calls off sick almost daily and is never on time. FML

#21273773
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30389) - you deserved it (2266)

On 10/08/2014 at 8:30pm - work - by xRyu (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got back from a weekend at my best friend's house. Apparently, he and his friend invented a new game. It involves sticking duct tape to their pubic hairs, ripping them out, and sticking as many as possible on my face and body before I wake up. FML

#21276742
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30356) - you deserved it (3147)

On 10/13/2014 at 4:17am - misc - by wtfguys - United States

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

#21280696
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30357) - you deserved it (3070)

On 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a round of applause. Too bad it was from my thighs as I went down the stairs. FML

Today, my co-worker told me that my other co-worker is in the process of getting a divorce. I got really excited because his marriage is very toxic. He overheard me say, "He deserves that divorce!" I meant it in a good way, but I don't think he took it that way. FML

#21268618
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30274) - you deserved it (10346)

On 09/30/2014 at 10:20pm - work - by oopsydaisy (woman) - United States

Today, my boss discovered that I'm prone to random fainting, due to hypoglycemia. He has now nicknamed me "fainting goat" and makes relentless bleating noises every time he sees me. FML

#21275948
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30140) - you deserved it (2598)

On 10/12/2014 at 12:04am - work - by thecaptainmorgan - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

#21280509
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30044) - you deserved it (10507)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML

#21269654
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29868) - you deserved it (3790)

On 10/02/2014 at 4:29pm - kids - by mykodu - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my mom that once I leave school, I want to join the clergy, and how much it meant to me. Her response: "Never knew you wanted to molest kids so much!" FML

#21270314
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29834) - you deserved it (6312)

On 10/03/2014 at 9:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

#21269829
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29684) - you deserved it (10225)

On 10/02/2014 at 9:55pm - work - by stewardess - United States (Texas)

Today, my roommate yelled at me yet again for using the dishwasher because it's "unsanitary." This is all while a mountain of her dishes were going mouldy in the sink. FML

#21269981
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29632) - you deserved it (2201)

On 10/03/2014 at 3:00am - misc - by youredisgusting - United States (California)

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

#21279207
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29527) - you deserved it (14635)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm - misc - by karmaaa - United States (Iowa)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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