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April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my friend saw a stamp on my hand and asked me which club I had gone to last night. I was so desperate to seem cool that I lied, instead of admitting it was actually from a children's play group that I took my kids to. FML

#21105342
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30097) - you deserved it (7309)

On 04/05/2014 at 6:05pm - kids - by lamemom - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

#21104415
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29960) - you deserved it (16480)

On 04/04/2014 at 1:26pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30044) - you deserved it (2536)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a veterans' reunion party with my grandpa. While there, a guy started yelling at me for having an unapproved haircut. It was my grandpa's old drill sergeant, and he thought I was in the army too. Everyone just smirked as he forced me to drop and do push-ups. FML

#21110214
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29717) - you deserved it (4490)

On 04/11/2014 at 10:51am - misc - by Gomer (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my nephews discovered how to trick my washing machine into starting up while the door is still open. My laundry room is now flooded, and their mom refuses to accept any responsibility for it. FML

Today, my coworkers continued their new favorite game: staring at me in total unnerving silence. I can't help but be reminded of serial killers. FML

#21103796
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29583) - you deserved it (2573)

On 04/03/2014 at 4:53pm - work - by Welshite - United States

Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML

#21112406
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28142) - you deserved it (4188)

On 04/13/2014 at 11:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me and when I asked why we never hung out he admitted that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML

#21113585
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28117) - you deserved it (2061)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:01am - love - by cricha4208 - United States (Missouri)

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

Today, my boyfriend turned down a job that would have more than doubled his income because he didn't want to upset his current boss by quitting. FML

Today, I was looking at the map on my phone whilst walking down a street. I heard the sound of a bike behind me so I moved to let the cyclist past. He snatched the phone out of my hand and sped off. FML

#21113059
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26037) - you deserved it (3172)

On 04/14/2014 at 7:43pm - misc - by stupidcunt (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I decided to go to a therapy group to help with my anxiety and to meet people who felt similar. I joked with my friend that no one would turn up as people might feel anxious about going. I was right. I was the only one there. FML

#21113050
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25516) - you deserved it (2118)

On 04/14/2014 at 7:34pm - misc - by all by myself (woman) - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I was walking around school alone and felt someone tap my back. I laughed and turned around to find no one was there. I felt confused when I felt the tapping again, which is when I chose to yell at the nearest person, "What?!" I later found out it was a bottle in my backpack tapping me. FML

#21112284
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25389) - you deserved it (8287)

On 04/13/2014 at 9:32pm - misc - by ohmygod582 (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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Thursday 10 April 2014

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