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May 2015

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Today, I woke up to the sound of my little sister knocking on my door. Today's my birthday, so I thought she'd surprise me with something. Instead, she just asked me, "How's it feel to be a year older and still alone?" I just turned 20. The truth hurts. FML

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

#21405462
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28582) - you deserved it (3365)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:22am - kids - by seethroughpee - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My mom's reaction was, I shit you not, to tell me to "walk it off". FML

#21403286
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28558) - you deserved it (2356)

On 05/02/2015 at 5:59am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML

#21406274
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28539) - you deserved it (2498)

On 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm - misc - by Random737193 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took my family to Disneyland. My husband had more fun than my five year old daughter. He was hitting on the princesses. FML

#21411433
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28447) - you deserved it (2647)

On 05/17/2015 at 12:08pm - love - by creepedoutmom (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was out with my youngest cousin and we had to stop for gas. Since he just got his license, I asked if he wanted to pump the gas while I went into the station to get snacks and pay. He pumped my car full of diesel. FML

#21406178
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28425) - you deserved it (6263)

On 05/07/2015 at 11:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

#21415473
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28419) - you deserved it (2038)

On 05/25/2015 at 12:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was feeling pretty, so I wore a skirt for the first time in years. Two hours later, my thighs hurt from slapping together so much. I no longer feel pretty. FML

#21407700
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28365) - you deserved it (4519)

On 05/10/2015 at 9:47am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to my roommates "pet" snake casually lying in bed with me. I then got yelled at for screaming and scaring the snake. Apparently, it's my fault that it bit my chin. FML

Today, the cops showed up at our door at 11 pm. Apparently, our neighbours thought I was being abused because they heard high-pitched screaming for 45 minutes straight. Little did they know our 6-month-old baby screams when she's happy. Loudly. FML

Today, after being a resident DJ at a local club for over 4 years, I got fired. Not because I'm bad at what I do, but because my boss thinks I'm not 'having fun like the other DJs'. And by 'having fun' he means that I don't drink enough. I got fired for not being an alcoholic. FML

#21413333
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28304) - you deserved it (1759)

On 05/20/2015 at 11:56pm - work - by SFBEL - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, while serving a customer, she told me: "God made you a working class citizen so you could serve! If God wanted you to go to college, he would have made sure you were able to go!" FML

Today, I realised I've been depressed about my recent break up for longer than the relationship even lasted. FML



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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