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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a quickie in the car. We had left a window open so it wasn't too hot, and I was holding onto the edge of the window, fingers hanging over. In the midst of it all, my boyfriend managed to close the window by hitting the button. My finger is broken. FML

#21270463
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32992) - you deserved it (9617)

On 10/04/2014 at 1:43am - intimacy - by manymisfortunes - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML

#21270200
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32910) - you deserved it (2434)

On 10/03/2014 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I discovered that I climax sooner if I think about pretzels. Yes, pretzels. The food product. I'll never be able to eat them again. FML

#21278160
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32906) - you deserved it (4489)

On 10/15/2014 at 2:26am - intimacy - by datgurllllukno (woman) - United States

Today, in the men's room a guy using the adjacent toilet dropped his phone, and it fell right next to my foot. The screen was facing upward, and looked like he was taking pictures of his junk in the office toilet. FML

#21269595
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32889) - you deserved it (2624)

On 10/02/2014 at 2:20pm - misc - by Vkaz (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

#21281604
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32754) - you deserved it (2592)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:28am - intimacy - by bye loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I tried kissing my boyfriend on the tip of his nose. He sneezed mid-kiss and head butted me. Now there is just an awkward silence. FML

#21270556
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32637) - you deserved it (3855)

On 10/04/2014 at 8:11am - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my wife yelled at me for being a bastard and not caring about her needs. I felt like an asshole and apologized for everything. It took me a few hours to realize I'd basically just apologized for unknowingly hanging the toilet paper the "wrong way" for her OCD. FML

#21279154
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32623) - you deserved it (4856)

On 10/16/2014 at 3:30pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

#21280942
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32602) - you deserved it (4167)

On 10/19/2014 at 7:22am - kids - by how about never? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my Spanish teacher told me that the reason the girl I'm tutoring hasn't contacted me yet is because she emailed the teacher saying she didn't like my name, therefore she didn't want me to be her tutor. FML

#21268609
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32572) - you deserved it (2413)

On 09/30/2014 at 10:05pm - misc - by Hi, I'm Heather - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my little sister decided the best way to cheat on a test is to take someone else's test, scratch through their name in pencil, and write her name underneath. She starts high school next semester. FML

#21272741
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32570) - you deserved it (2769)

On 10/07/2014 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

#21282365
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32548) - you deserved it (2936)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by youngboob (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML

#21272236
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32512) - you deserved it (3261)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:05pm - misc - by thenewgirl - United States (Florida)

Today, I accidentally belched at the dinner table. At age 22, I got sent to my room with no dessert by my parents. FML

#21279192
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32460) - you deserved it (8066)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:32pm - misc - by not saying it was whores, but... - United States



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