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August 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while working my shift at the grocery store, we ran out of muffins. I'm a little overweight, and I guess that's the reason an irate customer accused me of eating all of them. FML

#21233183
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39946) - you deserved it (3836)

On 08/09/2014 at 9:50am - work - by muffins - United States (Maryland)

Today, a potential customer was looking at a treadmill at the fitness warehouse I work at. Once he was done testing it out, I asked him if he'd like me to order it for him. His reply? "Nah. I only had a go on it 'cause it looked like fun. Hey, but you could order one for yourself, huh, chubs?" FML

#21236566
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39788) - you deserved it (4524)

On 08/13/2014 at 10:18am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, I was shopping when I suddenly slipped on the wet floor and my basket and my groceries were flung everywhere. Moments later, one of the cleaners walked over holding a "wet floor" sign, saw me and laughed. FML

#21229760
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39729) - you deserved it (3082)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:52am - misc - by ms98 - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

#21244858
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39618) - you deserved it (6880)

On 08/25/2014 at 1:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went for a romantic, anniversary meal with my wife. It was amazing, until we had to rush home halfway through because our daughter rang, informing us that her 20-year-old sister had broken her wrist trying to jump from the roof, onto the trampoline and into the pool. She 'miscalculated'. FML

#21230823
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39521) - you deserved it (3233)

On 08/06/2014 at 9:21am - kids - by We raised that fool (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, my husband jolted in bed and while still half-asleep said, "I had a nightmare; I dreamt we had a kid." I'm 8 months pregnant. FML

#21232311
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39484) - you deserved it (3112) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/08/2014 at 12:27am - kids - by mamagelmane (woman) - France (Lorraine)

Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML

#21240389
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39467) - you deserved it (4229)

On 08/18/2014 at 8:10am - kids - by I hate children - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, my psychotic step-dad asked me if I'm doing drugs. I replied with a massive amount of sarcasm: "Yeah, all of 'em. Especially meth." He flipped out, searched my room top to bottom, then grounded me "for good" until I tell him where I hid the supposed drugs. FML

#21233273
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39418) - you deserved it (11764)

On 08/09/2014 at 1:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I excitedly told my family that, after years of studying and dedication, I've been awarded a full scholarship to Germany. My mom's reaction was to start sobbing about me becoming a "heathen" and my dad and brother started telling Nazi jokes. FML

#21237389
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39405) - you deserved it (3247)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:28am - misc - by UnSupported (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my husband told his parents that he was quitting his job so that he could focus on school. They asked him what he was going to do for money. When I told them that I'd be the one working, they took one look at me and burst into laughter. FML

#21230924
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39370) - you deserved it (3596)

On 08/06/2014 at 12:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML

#21241441
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39366) - you deserved it (5288)

On 08/20/2014 at 2:07am - intimacy - by Mia (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I confided to my grandma that I'm suffering from depression and I feel like a burden to everyone. She replied that her grandpa used to suffer from depression too, but that he'd cured himself in the end, namely by committing suicide. Thanks, grandma, thanks. FML

#21226890
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39311) - you deserved it (3549)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:09pm - health - by lacieQ (woman) - Canada

Today, I complained to my two roommates about housework not being done. They both put their hands over their ears and started screaming at the top of their voice. They do this pretty much whenever I say anything to them. FML

#21238842
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39108) - you deserved it (4857)

On 08/16/2014 at 8:10am - misc - by Jenn (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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