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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got drug tested for the second time this week. It's Tuesday. FML

Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

#21282479
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24398) - you deserved it (2896)

On 10/21/2014 at 4:13pm - misc - by Airplane crap - United States (Kansas)

Today, my 17-year-old son managed to easily convince my 13-year-old daughter that if you have sex before getting married, you'll instantly get horrible diseases that will kill you. Her freaking out is how I found out she's not only gullible as hell, but sexually active as well. FML

#21283066
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24287) - you deserved it (2855)

On 10/22/2014 at 12:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

#21282836
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23768) - you deserved it (2366)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm - work - by Australian Lifeguard - United States (Arizona)

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

#21283044
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23594) - you deserved it (2478)

On 10/22/2014 at 10:47am - animals - by MouserMan - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

#21282761
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23509) - you deserved it (2762)

On 10/21/2014 at 10:11pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I replied to a party invite. I thought I was only replying to the hostess, who's a close friend, so added a P. S. about a recent sex toy purchase I'd made and how rubbish it had been. I only realised after pressing "Send" that I'd selected "Reply All". FML

#21271313
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22876) - you deserved it (33444)

On 10/05/2014 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, is the start of the third month that I prayed I would be fired, just so I didn't have to quit because I hate awkward conversations. FML

#21281210
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22623) - you deserved it (6838)

On 10/19/2014 at 5:03pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wakefield)

Today, I lost my laptop, but I have my old childhood computer to use. It's password-protected, and the hint to the password is "meaner than Hera." I haven't been into Greek mythology since I was a kid, and if anything, this computer has just shown me how dumb I've gotten over the years. FML

#21282844
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21552) - you deserved it (4029)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by HeckIfIKnow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to download some network-monitoring software for the office as I suspect that one of my staff has been constantly downloading torrents. It wouldn't download because someone was using all the bandwidth. FML

#21282944
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21106) - you deserved it (2005)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:09am - work - by Thewatcher (man) - Mauritius

Today, I dressed up in my nicest clothes and spent ages putting makeup on before going to a nightclub, hoping to meet someone nice. The only person who acknowledged me was a guy who yelled, "Hey, wanna fuck?! Not like anyone else would ever touch you, am I right?!" FML

#21283051
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20394) - you deserved it (2422)

On 10/22/2014 at 11:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)

Today, I got my graduation photos back. I'd sent them to a friend for touching up, but unfortunately we had a major argument recently. I guess that's why in the photos I've been photoshopped out and replaced with a goat. FML

#21283103
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19692) - you deserved it (3697)

On 10/22/2014 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

#21268936
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19500) - you deserved it (39834)

On 10/01/2014 at 12:53pm - misc - by ThatNewCarSmell (woman) - United States (California)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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