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July 2016

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Today, I was crossing back over the Mexico-US border. My mother-in-law got out of the car to go to the bathroom, since traffic was horrible. Two hours of worrying sick later, turns out she crossed the border without telling me. FML

by dumbmotherinlaw / 07/06/2016 at 1:29pm / United States (California) / Holidays

Today, I went to the store to get groceries. After getting all the stuff I need, and was heading towards the checkout point, I heard a baby cry and instantly felt coldness on my shirt. Yes I was lactating, and yes it was noticeable. FML

by gamerlaura / 07/21/2016 at 6:09pm / United Kingdom (Gwynedd) / Health

Today, I went to a new doctor. While filling out charts she looked up and said, "I'm assuming you are single." FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2016 at 6:28pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, my eldest daughter told me about the sharp pains she's been having for the past couple of days. She also told me how she thinks it's really pointy carrots trying to escape her body. She's 11, and going to middle school. FML

by disappointed / 06/30/2016 at 11:31pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, I sold my Christmas gift from my father on eBay as I'm so desperate for cash. It's also the day I got scammed by an eBay buyer. FML

by naive_girl / 07/03/2016 at 8:11pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Money

Today, while working at my new job at a surgery center, I noticed how odd it was that the room began to smell like fried chicken. I thought it smelt pretty good, until I learned it was actually the smell of someone getting their ear cauterized. I enjoyed the smell of someone's burning ear flesh. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2016 at 12:22am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer excused himself to use the bathroom, so I took the chance to let out a tiny fart I'd been holding in. That tiny fart filled the whole room. When he came back, the guy literally stopped dead in his tracks and recoiled at the stench. Doubt I'll get that job. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2016 at 11:08am / United States / Work

Today, I learned that lightning and flash flooding are the best motivatiors. I learned this while on a run and 2 miles away from school. FML

Today, I got a call from a job I had applied for. Everything went great until I realized I had applied to the wrong location, across town. I'm so broke, I went to the interview anyway. It will cost me more to pay for the gas to drive there to work, than what I will actually make. FML

by wellfuck / 07/15/2016 at 7:04pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I cringed at a memory of 5-year-old me going to restaurants I was brought to and stealing tip money because I thought it was free. I got to watch a kid do the same thing to me. Oh, sweet karma. FML

by ThisChick / 07/06/2016 at 1:59pm / United States (Louisiana) / Money

Today, I found out my aunt posted a picture of my butt in a bikini bottom on Facebook. I didn't even know she had taken that picture. FML

by ClairvoyantVamp / 07/06/2016 at 7:09pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom hadn't talked to me for 5 days, so worried sick I called my grandpa. She's been in jail, and no one cared to inform me. Great. FML

by abygalee / 07/10/2016 at 4:42pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at work and a guy walked up holding his phone with the camera facing me. He then looks up at me and says, "I'm not taking a picture of you. I'm just trying to catch a Pokemon." And here I was thinking that I looked nice today. FML

by FML / 07/11/2016 at 5:16pm / United States (New York) / Work