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August 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

#21226986
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32129) - you deserved it (15508)

On 08/01/2014 at 6:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

#21236595
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32086) - you deserved it (5652)

On 08/13/2014 at 11:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML

#21241122
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32073) - you deserved it (8900)

On 08/19/2014 at 5:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

Today, I was waiting at a stop light in the left turn lane, when a homeless guy on the sidewalk walked up to my car with a, "Bet you can't hit me with a quarter" sign. The lady on my right decided to throw a quarter at him, but it missed and hit my windshield. She yelled, "Oh fuck!" and drove away. FML

Today, I realized that my dog, who's 11, eats his own shit, and chews bones like crazy still has 10 times nicer teeth than I do. FML

#21232602
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31052) - you deserved it (7094)

On 08/08/2014 at 3:34pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I began to sign "I love you" to my boyfriend from across the room. I ended up just poking myself in the eye. FML

#21238728
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30934) - you deserved it (8547)

On 08/16/2014 at 2:20am - love - by Hopeless romantic (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, due to a hammer-related incident, instead of receiving glass ornaments as gifts from my trip to Venice, my friends will be receiving novelty postcards of Michelangelo's David's penis. FML

Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML

#21242399
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30473) - you deserved it (11551)

On 08/21/2014 at 11:37am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML

#21242605
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29416) - you deserved it (3502)

On 08/21/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, my boyfriend sent me pictures of him and his family on their trip in Florida. He accidentally included a picture of a random girl sleeping in his bed, naked. FML

#21242918
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29393) - you deserved it (1969)

On 08/22/2014 at 2:02am - love - by lolatmylife - United States

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

#21240474
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28608) - you deserved it (12619)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm - misc - by FANZZY - United States (New York)

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

#21242424
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28265) - you deserved it (5199)

On 08/21/2014 at 12:36pm - misc - by royallymessedup -



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