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May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mom decided to have a get together at my house while I was at work. When I came home, she pulled me aside and asked me to pretend to be her maid. FML

#21403387
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20769) - you deserved it (1458)

On 05/02/2015 at 12:54pm - misc - by Eternal Servitude - United States (California)

Today, I changed my toothbrush because the bristles were wearing down. My brother later asked me why I changed his toothbrush. Apparently we've been sharing the same one for the past several weeks. FML

#21403442
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20619) - you deserved it (2357)

On 05/02/2015 at 2:39pm - misc - by gross - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after resigning from my current job, I was let go from the new job I hadn't even started yet. FML

#21403566
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20365) - you deserved it (1873)

On 05/02/2015 at 8:08pm - work - by Jbheller (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told my friends I was kissed by a girl. They said "Yeah, probably by your mom." The sad thing is, they were right. FML

#21402837
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20016) - you deserved it (8888)

On 05/01/2015 at 10:24am - love - by Forever alone - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I clogged the toilet in the one-man bathroom at the corner store, with a line of about 5 people waiting outside. FML

#21403375
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19726) - you deserved it (3023)

On 05/02/2015 at 12:36pm - misc - by imtheshit - Canada (Newfoundland)

Today, a guy at work told me I look like a famous celebrity. I was flattered, until he remembered the celebrity's name: Steve Buscemi. That wouldn't be a compliment, even if I weren't a 24-year-old woman. FML

#21403358
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19695) - you deserved it (1616)

On 05/02/2015 at 11:55am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the yearly town carnival with my friends. I hadn't slept well the night before and when I got onto the scariest ride, I somehow fell half asleep. I woke up upside down and ended up peeing myself in terror. FML

#21403515
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19042) - you deserved it (3227)

On 05/02/2015 at 5:59pm - misc - by Upside-Down Sleeper. - United States (Maryland)

Today, I realized I get more pleasure watching YouTube videos of people lighting their farts on fire than I do from making love to my husband. FML

#21403333
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18109) - you deserved it (4541)

On 05/02/2015 at 10:23am - intimacy - by wellfuck (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

#21403757
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17050) - you deserved it (2192)

On 05/03/2015 at 3:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that me switching to "super" sized tampons does not mean I've been having sex with other men with bigger penises, and that my vagina hasn't been "stretched bigger". FML

#21403711
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16930) - you deserved it (1475)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

#21403720
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16605) - you deserved it (2591)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Finland

Today, I desperately needed to let off some steam at work, so I went outside and screamed obscenities at the top of my lungs, before heading back inside. The police then showed up to investigate complaints of a "raving lunatic" in the area. FML

#21403035
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15692) - you deserved it (18117)

On 05/01/2015 at 6:17pm - work - by RavingLunatic (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, after a 2 month relationship, I realized two things: A) Dating a known psycho because "crazy chicks are great in bed" is a dumb idea, and B) What crazy chicks are actually great at is beating the crap out of you and driving you to alcoholism. FML

#21402940
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11602) - you deserved it (24217)

On 05/01/2015 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -



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