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August 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I, along with two cops and another paramedic, had to fight to pin down some total scumsucker. He was high out of his mind on god knows what, in his underwear, screaming like a maniac outside someone else's house at 2 in the morning. I don't get paid nearly enough for this shit. FML

#21450305
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20601) - you deserved it (2290)

On 08/01/2015 at 2:18am - work - by hook me up with some smack, Jack (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML

#21451285
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20478) - you deserved it (10406)

On 08/03/2015 at 11:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

#21450713
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20066) - you deserved it (2278)

On 08/02/2015 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while volunteering at my local animal shelter, I was asked to clean the cat room. This entailed taking each cat out of its cage by hand and cleaning the inside. They forgot to mention that some of the cats were feral. I now look like I belly flopped into a cactus. FML

Today, my boyfriend hasn't showered in two weeks. He says he doesn't want his "manliness" to wash off. FML

#21450770
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19803) - you deserved it (2210)

On 08/02/2015 at 5:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, I was at a bar. When asked if I wanted a refill of my coffee, I said yes, and moved the cup from my lap to the counter. As I did this, the waitress spilled hot coffee right into my crotch. FML

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

#21451089
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19033) - you deserved it (2524)

On 08/02/2015 at 10:57pm - kids - by BrandonDrapeau - United States (New Jersey)

Today, driving to work, I stop to let an old man cross the street. The driver behind me honks their horn, so I decide to drive slow to piss them off. A few turns later, I pull into the car park and notice the other driver following me. She works in the office next to mine. We met the other day. FML

#21450445
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18808) - you deserved it (5526)

On 08/01/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by Hellasboy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was at the gym playing basketball. A very attractive girl chose me to be on her team. We were playing well and hitting it off. I had decided to ask for her number after the game, until I smashed the ball in her face, resulting in her having a broken nose. FML

Today, my friend offered to make me a playlist for the gym. I thought it was really thoughtful, until I started listening to it during my workout and realized that every single song was "Supersize Me" with the title changed. FML

#21451102
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18346) - you deserved it (1639)

On 08/02/2015 at 11:25pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I responded to an argument with my girlfriend by only using comebacks she'd used in previous arguments. I'm single now. FML

#21451268
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18121) - you deserved it (7840)

On 08/03/2015 at 10:14am - love - by Cygnus - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was asked to cover work for someone because they have volleyball practice. Apparently, they haven't noticed that we've been on the same team for two years. FML

#21451556
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16956) - you deserved it (1145)

On 08/03/2015 at 10:48pm - work - by eventer1919 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got a ticket for "suspicious driving" because my total shit of a mother kept tugging on the wheel to annoy me, and I still had to pay it. FML

#21451593
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16979) - you deserved it (1217)

On 08/04/2015 at 12:23am - misc - by MomStayOutOfTheCar - United States



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