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March 2013

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Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2013 at 10:15pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, we had to re-live sex ed in my college biology class. Unlike in middle school, nobody giggled incessantly. However, the guy sitting next to me stared at me intensely for nearly the whole three hour lecture. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2013 at 3:45pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the store to pick up some feminine products. As I was paying, the male cashier looked at me sympathetically and asked if it was my girlfriend's time of the month. I'm a girl and was buying them for myself. FML

by ghgfd / 03/06/2013 at 9:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, a guy left flowers on my doorstep. I got home to find my dad claiming he bought them for my mum. I told my parents they were mine, they laughed in my face. FML

by lp525252 / 03/20/2013 at 6:59am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML

by ShadowBox / 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at my job, waiting tables. A fellow server and myself were given a party of 14 Bible thumpers. They left us $9.00 and a mini Bible after awesome service, telling us we did a great job. Unfortunately, Religion doesn't pay my car payment. FML

by PrayingForMoney / 03/25/2013 at 4:48am / United States (California) / Money

Today, my cat learned how to open doors. Ever since then she's been running up to my room, opening my door, and running away. My cat is playing ding-dong ditch. FML

by Apes / 03/25/2013 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, while in a public bathroom, I threw out my back. A stranger had to help me pull up my pants. FML

by paulinapo / 03/28/2013 at 9:52am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML

by Gixie / 03/24/2013 at 11:56am / Ghana (Greater Accra) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was told I've secured the job I applied for at my local hospital. Being just 19, this is a great opportunity, and I told my parents. They angrily asked if I'd applied just to get access to drugs, then demanded to know how I'd managed to pass the drug test. Thanks for the confidence. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2013 at 9:51pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I found out why the parents whose children I babysit use me so often and on such short notice. It's not because they have abrupt nights out; it's because their kids hate me, and me being around is their way of punishing them. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2013 at 10:41am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML

by tax-man / 03/01/2013 at 9:35pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my cat giving birth, on my bed. I adopted her from a friend, who told me she was spayed. Now I have a giant mess and a cat who won't let me move either her or her babies. Guess I'm sleeping on the couch for a while. FML

by DommeAshlee / 03/21/2013 at 2:42pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.