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March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

#20544356
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39055) - you deserved it (5686)

On 03/15/2013 at 1:44am - misc - by fmlman - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I finally came out to my family as a lesbian. My grandma then told me I'm just going through a phase because I finally realized I'm not pretty or skinny enough to get a man. FML

#20557644
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39041) - you deserved it (6512)

On 03/24/2013 at 6:20am - misc - by theawesome129 - Canada

Today, my wife finally came home from deployment. Apparently, in the military she really built up some muscle. When she saw me at the airport, she picked me up like a baby and spun me around in her arms a few times. I'm a little scared of her now. FML

#20530533
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39035) - you deserved it (9426)

On 03/04/2013 at 2:36am - love - by married to wonder woman (man) - United States (California)

Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML

#20556944
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39021) - you deserved it (4856)

On 03/23/2013 at 7:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my step-mom stole over $100 in cash from me, dumped dirty cat litter all over my clean bed sheets, and called me a whore for having a polite conversation with my boyfriend. I confronted my father about it. He told me to forgive her, because she's "on her period." FML

#20533543
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38685) - you deserved it (2341)

On 03/06/2013 at 2:11pm - misc - by disgruntled stepdaughter - United States (Ohio)

Today, at a romantic dinner my boyfriend was treating me to, the waiter brought a "Will you marry me?" cake out with candles and sparklers. I probably should have checked that they'd brought it to the right table before dramatically screaming "Yes!" and jumping into my boyfriend's arms. They hadn't. FML

#20559787
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38664) - you deserved it (6684)

On 03/25/2013 at 5:45pm - love - by franky (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML

#20560035
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38633) - you deserved it (6680)

On 03/25/2013 at 8:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was freshening up my makeup in the car before a date. An old lady walked by and said through my open window, "Don't bother. There's no helping you, honey." FML

#20559530
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38630) - you deserved it (4123)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by f-ugly - United States

Today, the guy in the dorm room next to me was playing very loud metal music. I went next door and kindly asked him to turn it off. He did, so I went back to my room to go back to sleep. It turns out he was using the music to drown out his girlfriend's very loud moans. FML

#20536784
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38600) - you deserved it (15743)

On 03/09/2013 at 8:35am - intimacy - by ShittyWalls (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a serious argument and he stormed out of the house mad. Why? I wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of his knob. FML

#20553362
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38582) - you deserved it (16446)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:01am - intimacy - by meeee (woman) - United States

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

#20528184
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38482) - you deserved it (2956)

On 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I turned 18. My parents got me a pineapple and a pair of socks. I'm allergic to pineapple, and the socks are too small. FML

#20566329
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38386) - you deserved it (2676)

On 03/30/2013 at 12:06am - misc - by ShellShocked - United States

Today, I announced to my family that I got accepted into Harvard. My grandma laughed and muttered, "Liar." FML

#20567796
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38353) - you deserved it (2879)

On 03/31/2013 at 1:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)



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