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February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I came home from a two-week vacation. When I walked into my house, I found cat poop everywhere. It took me several hours to clean it all up, and the house still smells terrible. The worst part is that I've never owned a cat in my life. FML

#20500118
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31137) - you deserved it (1874)

On 02/09/2013 at 8:39pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I moved in with my new dorm mate. I'm prone to very frequent panic attacks that can only be alleviated by cold air. My roommate is severely anemic, and has violent shivering fits when the temperature is below 80. No matter what, one of us is always shaking uncontrollably. FML

Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML

#20498635
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30995) - you deserved it (4576)

On 02/08/2013 at 7:44pm - love - by and she doesn't even give bjs (man) - Argentina (Distrito Federal)

Today, my bus got held up in traffic, so I arrived home about 15 minutes late. My mum bitched me out, accused me of sleeping around, and grounded me. All this while my brother raged at his video game in the other room, screaming stuff such as "EAT SHIT, YOU CUNTS!" with total impunity. FML

#20516248
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30983) - you deserved it (2177)

On 02/21/2013 at 1:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was trying to be sexy and change in front of my boyfriend. As I was changing, he started to talk to me about how we should both try and lose weight. FML

#20523139
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30801) - you deserved it (6915)

On 02/26/2013 at 3:26pm - love - by pooh anne (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML

#20510302
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30741) - you deserved it (6359)

On 02/17/2013 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Notaplacetogo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, for the second time this week, I was asked to stop putting on such an obviously fake "British" accent. I am British and have lived here all my life. FML

#20513499
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30719) - you deserved it (2498)

On 02/19/2013 at 1:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, the guy I like and his friend came home with me to work on a project. I opened my front door and my mum was at the top of the stairs completely naked, bent over, drying her hair with the hairdryer. It took a few moments for her to realise we were there. FML

#20504733
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30662) - you deserved it (2580)

On 02/13/2013 at 6:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (North Ayrshire)

Today, my leadership class was trying to decide who would run the kissing booth in our local carnival. Someone suggested me, to which the director replied, "We'd never make any profit with her." FML

#20511433
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30645) - you deserved it (2626)

On 02/17/2013 at 10:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

#20503125
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30633) - you deserved it (5044)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by thefriedman (man) - United States (California)

Today, while I was babysitting, the little girl wanted to show me a picture that her mom had just sent to the family iPad via iMessage. Trying to be helpful, I clicked iMessage, only to see pictures of her father's erect penis. She won't stop asking about the "hotdog" in the picture. FML

#20509000
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30585) - you deserved it (2911)

On 02/16/2013 at 1:03am - kids - by Scarlett (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my manager asked me for the password to my Internet so she could Skype family since she can't pay her bill. This is the same woman who just a week ago tried to evict me because my rent was an hour late. Trying to be the bigger person, I gave her the password. She changed my password. FML

#20496640
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30575) - you deserved it (16247)

On 02/07/2013 at 1:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my maid of honor, who offered to take care of my wedding dress before the D-Day, left it near her open window during heavy rain. My dress is now ruined, and she's backed out due to stress. I'm supposed to be getting married tomorrow. FML

#20503604
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30574) - you deserved it (3047)

On 02/12/2013 at 12:41pm - misc - by Meaghan (woman) - United States (South Carolina)



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