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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

#20437796
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33547) - you deserved it (3610)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

#20466086
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33502) - you deserved it (3543)

On 01/18/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by Keastwood013 - United States

Today, I felt like going to the gym. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come with me. She screamed at me for supposedly implying that she's fat. No, I just wanted to go to the gym with someone. FML

#20458971
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33446) - you deserved it (6441)

On 01/14/2013 at 1:34pm - love - by nkotz - United States

Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML

#20450521
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33258) - you deserved it (5273)

On 01/09/2013 at 6:55pm - love - by GDBeast (man) - United States

Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML

#20485957
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33233) - you deserved it (3852)

On 01/30/2013 at 7:21am - love - by Denki (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

#20469621
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33223) - you deserved it (3587)

On 01/20/2013 at 2:28pm - love - by maybe dead in a day (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, marks the sixth day in a row that my mum has called me to discuss my upcoming wedding. She's obsessed and has intimidated the actual planner I hired into going along with her plans. She's slipped up twice already and accidentally referred to it as her own wedding. Just great. FML

#20453938
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33069) - you deserved it (3450)

On 01/11/2013 at 5:19pm - love - by fuck you, mum (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

#20458188
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32953) - you deserved it (5994)

On 01/13/2013 at 11:49pm - animals - by Abendigo77 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

#20482313
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32736) - you deserved it (2097)

On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

#20453750
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32735) - you deserved it (1939)

On 01/11/2013 at 2:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

#20436199
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32732) - you deserved it (3633)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:35pm - animals - by Enyo - Reserved

Today, I learned who my dad's new fiancée is. Upon meeting her she exclaimed, "My, I haven't seen you in a while!" She's my ex-boyfriend's mom. FML

#20450908
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32562) - you deserved it (2722)

On 01/09/2013 at 10:15pm - love - by wtf dad - United States (Missouri)



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