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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

#20485057
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23945) - you deserved it (35001)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by notsobig - United States

Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML

#20481338
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23911) - you deserved it (2736)

On 01/27/2013 at 1:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend's mom bought us matching purity rings. FML

#20470370
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23906) - you deserved it (3710)

On 01/20/2013 at 10:55pm - love - by airrinw_33 - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was reading a book in bed when my dad came to check whether or not I was asleep. To avoid any conversation, I pretended that I was. Turns out he was just checking whether he and my mom could have sex while I was fast asleep. I couldn't plug my ears in time. FML

#20468586
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23824) - you deserved it (8400)

On 01/19/2013 at 9:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that there's something my new wife hates more than spiders. Black people. FML

#20441551
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23640) - you deserved it (4926)

On 01/03/2013 at 9:19pm - health - by WellShit (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I received a birthday present from a friend. It was the very same gift I gave to her for Christmas. FML

#20482991
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23632) - you deserved it (3760)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by thrifty gone wrong - United States (California)

Today, after getting into an argument with my dad, he told me that I would make a great ex wife one day. FML

#20467602
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23593) - you deserved it (5058)

On 01/19/2013 at 8:51am - love - by Claire - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

#20445835
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23384) - you deserved it (4849)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:35am - love - by kat124ever (woman) - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)

Today, I got my retainer fitted. It stimulates my gag reflex so badly that I gag every time I try so say anything with a 'P' in it. My orthodontist laughed and suggested I get a thesaurus. FML

#20485855
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23241) - you deserved it (1508)

On 01/30/2013 at 2:52am - health - by Miss Blairgowrie (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML

#20484695
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22945) - you deserved it (8852)

On 01/29/2013 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was talking to my grandma and I mentioned the fact that tomatoes are technically fruit. It's been an hour and she's still yelling, accusing me of lying to her. FML

#20473723
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22889) - you deserved it (3935)

On 01/22/2013 at 8:35pm - misc - by I should have kept my mouth shut - United States (California)

Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML

Today, I found out that I have a highly irrational fear of little people. I made this self discovery when my mother introduced the family to her new fiancé. FML

#20487281
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22807) - you deserved it (4444)

On 01/31/2013 at 4:07am - misc - by Why Me? (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

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