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Today, mah daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill . It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them . She's in her teens . FML
Today, trying to be kinkyhile giving mah boyfriend a blow job, Ihippd him with mah ponytail!! He was thrilld, until I accidentally head-buttd his dick!! He curld up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again!! FML
my best friend told me tat I wasn't invited to er wedding, saying tat I was too pretty and tat I would outsine er at te ceremony . I lauged and said tat se was bieng ridiculous . Se eventually confessed te real reason y I wasn't invited: apparently I'm an annoying bitc . mega FML
Today, I woke up to my balls coverd in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut . I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart . FML
Today, in a state of extreme boredom, I decided to dress mah 6-month-old son in girl's clothes. As he sat in mah lap in a frilly dress, an as I was placing a very pink an lacy bow on his head, mah mother-in-law unexpectedly walked in. She now think I'm mentally unstable an should be in therapy. FML
Friday 27 March 2015