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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I were preparing for the arrival of Hurricane Sandy. I tasked him with going out to buy emergency groceries in case we lose power. He returned with dozens of microwave cup noodles. We're going to starve. FML

#20137235
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26506) - you deserved it (3681)

On 10/28/2012 at 4:14pm - love - by cupnoodles (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it was my uncle's funeral. I wasn't very close with him, but I still wanted to be respectful. My boyfriend, being the jackass that he is, was singing the Spider Pig song from The Simpsons under his breath while making his fingers walk up my leg, trying to get under my skirt. FML

#20096195
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26370) - you deserved it (6682)

On 10/01/2012 at 12:23am - love - by SorryUncleTommy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my roommate set her extremely loud alarm clock for 5am and continued to hit the snooze button every ten minutes until 7:30. FML

#20110486
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26344) - you deserved it (1784)

On 10/10/2012 at 1:38pm - misc - by tiredofthis - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

#20134512
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26336) - you deserved it (3511)

On 10/26/2012 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, I decided to watch some porn to cheer myself up after having recently been dumped. Halfway through wanking the gibbon, I got a horrifyingly painful cramp in my foot, and cried out in pain. Ten seconds later, with my pants still down, my dad rushed in to see if I was okay. FML

#20135660
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26332) - you deserved it (14357)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by whoreticulturalist (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

#20135099
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26324) - you deserved it (7395)

On 10/27/2012 at 2:42am - work - by geena - United States (Illinois)

Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML

#20141343
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26249) - you deserved it (3329)

On 10/31/2012 at 6:06am - misc - by hakuna matata - United States (California)

Today, my family and I are sitting in our house while Hurricane Sandy is going on. My grandma is freaking out because she believes it's our recently deceased dog Sandy getting revenge for putting her to sleep and getting a new dog. FML

#20138973
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26183) - you deserved it (2349)

On 10/29/2012 at 5:45pm - animals - by With_Love929 - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend told me that the main reason he was dating me was because he was intimidated by pretty girls. FML

#20097040
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26160) - you deserved it (2101)

On 10/01/2012 at 5:09pm - love - by Lisa - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the Natural History Museum with my boyfriend. While we were standing in front of real dinosaur bones, he told me he didn't believe in dinosaurs. FML

#20130407
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26110) - you deserved it (2853)

On 10/23/2012 at 9:19pm - love - by SFra - United States

Today, I received another death threat for teaching evolution in college. I'm a geology teacher. FML

#20121974
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26091) - you deserved it (2404)

On 10/18/2012 at 12:58am - work - by satanworshipper - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

#20104191
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26066) - you deserved it (2089)

On 10/06/2012 at 11:52am - misc - by FML_Elle - United States

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML

#20133890
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26049) - you deserved it (2121)

On 10/26/2012 at 3:58am - health - by Weasel123 - United States (Oklahoma)



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