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October 2012

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Today, my fiancé's stepfather asked me how my teaching job was going. I replied heatedly that I've never taught, and then complained bitterly to my fiancé about how his family still doesn't know me. Turns out his stepfather has early onset dementia, and that I'm an asshole. FML

by inthefamily / 10/23/2012 at 9:29am / United States (District of Columbia) / Health

Today, the person that interviewed me for a job was the same person I called a "fat bitch" at a baseball game after she knocked over my drink while she was dancing. She recognized me too. FML

by leafscupwin / 10/16/2012 at 12:16am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I realized I'm so desperate for money that I started to watch Breaking Bad to learn how to make meth. I stopped, not because I decided it was a bad idea, but because it looks too hard. FML

by Yo Mr. White! ... BETCH! / 10/23/2012 at 6:47pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, I was getting out of the car when I saw a dark figure approaching me from behind a shed. I screamed and threw my bag. It also threw its bag, due to the fact that it was my shadow on the wall. FML

by ktreens / 10/19/2012 at 12:06am / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends dared me to answer the door naked for the pizza guy. I heard the doorbell but when I answered, it was the little boy from next door participating in a fundraiser. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2012 at 6:27pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Kids

Today, I realized that I spend the same amount of money on my phone bill as I do on Nutella. FML

by Nutellalover / 10/19/2012 at 10:19am / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Health

Today, I was involved in a 5-way conversation about the movie Inception. I nodded and agreed with things that were said, but couldn't admit that despite having seen it 4 times, I still haven't the foggiest idea of how to explain what it's about. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:39am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

by staticman101 / 10/03/2012 at 11:14pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out of my way to avoid street preachers thrusting hateful propaganda at me. A young woman ran up to me and started waving paper in my face, and I snapped at her to fuck off. Right afterwards I realised she was returning something that fell out of my pocket. She looked terrified. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2012 at 8:24am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was fiddling around with the thermostat at my new place. For a laugh, I twisted the knob all the way to 40° celsius, when it snapped off. I don't have a clue how to fix it. FML

by didntknowyoucouldbreakit / 10/06/2012 at 4:29pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so engrossed in a phone call that I drove off without pumping gas after I'd prepaid $50. FML

by Dr_Gip / 10/18/2012 at 12:50am / United States / Money

Today, I learned from my daughter's teacher that she has been wearing the same shirt for the past few weeks, ever since we had a fight about how I don't pay attention to her. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 6:28am / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I was writing out palm cards and didn't know if I'd spelled a word correctly, so I stared at it for about 10 seconds waiting for spell check to tell me if it was right or not before I realised I was writing on paper. FML

by katier8295 / 10/27/2012 at 8:43am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous